I am home now after a stress filled afternoon.
As I blogged today I was to have a hysteroscopy at the recommendation of the doctor a the Gia.nna center. Since my miscarriage and 2 back to back D&C´s I have had intermittent tail end brown bleeding and even after many courses of antibiotics it keeps returning. They suspected adhesions, an issue with the endometrium or infections. This is the only thing in my chart which is not perfect and they thought a possible cause of our lack of pregnancies.
I was very anxious about going back to the same hospital where I had all my complications and about the possible pain of the procedure. I did my best not to think about it the whole day.
I was very, very blessed that my local Napro doctor and friend picked me from my office and drove me to the hospital and even waited for one hour talking with me to distract me until the pain medicine went into effect. She stayed with me during the procedure, took my hand, prayed and actually told the doctor exactly what she wanted to see and to be extra carful. She was my angel. Compassionate, caring, humble, a true gift to Napro.
The procedure found everything normal in my uterus. It was more painful than I expected (like very, very bad cramps for several minutes and I almost ended up crying) and it has to do a lot with my retroverted uterus.
The procedure found no polyps, no inflammation, no adhesions, etc. Actually the doctor said it looked beautiful. They took a biopsy and we will have the result in a week, but we expect it to come back normal since Napro considers that most of them come back normal since doctors do not give it enough time to give the exact data. Most probably I will go on Biaxin again now that we have ruled out the other possible causes. I do not look forward to this, but its the only way it has gone away.
I now have my full file for Gian.na and PPVI. I have decided to send it them both and have their input and opinion and I also hope to have sometime to speak to other doctors at the FertilityCare meeting in Utah next week. Lets see what happens.
Thanks for all the prayers today in a very anxiety filled day. They truly held me.
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Monday, July 2, 2012
Here we go again.... filled with anxiety.
This Wednesday I will have another IF procedure, something that I promised myself I would not do ever again and what is even worse it will take place in the hospital where I promised myself I would never ever return.
The very same hospital that is a few blocks from my office and that I try to evade by driving into other direction.
Yet here I am, planning to have another procedure there. It all seems like a bad joke and I had no idea the kind of feelings it would evoke.
For the last year and a half I have had tail end brown bleeding and although my hormones and charts have been great I had not had another pregnancy. This tail end brown bleeding has been coming and going and it clears up with antibiotics only to come back again several months later.
The doctors suspect damage to my uterus from the 2 back to back D&C´s I had a year and a half ago and/or an infection and want to rule out both with a diagnostic hysteroscopy. This is the only thing that seems to be preventing a pregnancy and the only unturned stone.
So far my procedure record is: 2 laps (one in Mexico and one at PPVI), two HSGs (apart from the ones in the laparoscopies), 2 D&C´s and one stay in the hospital with multiple tests waiting to eliminate the roots of the placenta of my miscarriage, plus dozens of blood tests and U/S.
Since this is supposed to be a very easy procedure I did not know why I kept putting this off (doctors had recommended it last year and again in April of this year), but today after making the appointment I felt deep waves of anxiety and had several horrible flashbacks and knew that it all had to do with what I had lived there.
I had to go to a room in the office and breath deeply in order not to start crying.
I think I have some type post traumatic stress disorder after all I lived one year and a half ago. The is no other explanation.
This is just a simple procedure, yet my feelings are extreme and are getting worse by the hour, but at the very same time I feel it will give me closure and some answers and I will regret all my life not having done it. I just wish it was not at this place.
Going again to the same hospital where I spent the very worst days of my life and having another procedure there is not something that I would even wish on my own worse enemy.
Yet I have no option, this is the only place where they can do this as an outpatient procedure with a doctor that is willing to do exactly the way that Napro is asking and there is no way that I will spend again several days in a hospital to do it under full anesthesia which is my other option in another hospital.
With this procedure they will put me under light anesthesia and in the doctors office do it with my local Napro doctor present (she is not a surgeon and does not have the equipment, but will be there to support me and also to see the procedure). I have to enter the hospital and walk all the way to this doctors office to do it.
They expect me to have some pain (there will be an additional biopsy) and also I will need a family member to be with me in case I feel ill, but all should end in a couple of hours. One to prep and another to have the procedure and recuperate. No need to rest or do anything special afterwards. It should be very simple, yet my feelings are not.
Its so ironic that it needs to be in the very place where I promised myself not to return, yet this is my 4th time there. FOURTH.
Since my first D&C there I have vowed never to go to this place again, yet time and time again I end there. I find it surreal with so many hospitals in the city I always return. Arghhhhh!
This is the hospital where I found out we had miscarried after a normal U/S, where I had 2 D&C and spent 4 days in intense pain and where I was pressured by a doctor after my D&C to do IVF telling me I was stupid in trusting Napro.
My local doctor decided to do a D&C at the very same place were we had received the news. I began to hate this place since then.
Going into the operating room and knowing there was no baby anymore must have been the very worst feeling of my life . I can still see all details of the rooms in my mind and the stairs of entrance to the hospital. My eyes flood with tears even months later.
But God had other plans and all did not end there. A few days later the intense pain and bleeding started. I had not idea what was going on, but the pain both physical and emotional was more than I could bear.
My doctor asked me to run to the hospital and I spent the next 4 days on the same floor (its a woman´s hospital very famous for its very good approach to birth so it mostly does this) with countless families receiving the amazing news of births. I could hear babies crying and families celebrating outside my door. I had contractions like giving birth for several days until my body eliminated the blood clots formed by the roots of the placenta naturally and I still fell the pain of this mixed with such an intense waves of grief.
I promised myself never ever again to return to this hospital. I made a solemn vow.
Well 3 months later I had to go again there to have a second D&C for extreme bleeding that they had mistaken for a second miscarriage. My doctor insisted it be there since he could not meet me the the other one he used. Three hospitalizations in 3 months at this hospital.
So more than a year and a half later I have to go back there to find answers. And I am in panic to see this place again. I had no idea my feelings would be so strong, but I cannot deny them.
I hate the irony of IF. One promised never ever to do something and time and time again you end up doing it in the intese quest for a baby. I absolutely hate IF.
The very same hospital that is a few blocks from my office and that I try to evade by driving into other direction.
Yet here I am, planning to have another procedure there. It all seems like a bad joke and I had no idea the kind of feelings it would evoke.
For the last year and a half I have had tail end brown bleeding and although my hormones and charts have been great I had not had another pregnancy. This tail end brown bleeding has been coming and going and it clears up with antibiotics only to come back again several months later.
The doctors suspect damage to my uterus from the 2 back to back D&C´s I had a year and a half ago and/or an infection and want to rule out both with a diagnostic hysteroscopy. This is the only thing that seems to be preventing a pregnancy and the only unturned stone.
So far my procedure record is: 2 laps (one in Mexico and one at PPVI), two HSGs (apart from the ones in the laparoscopies), 2 D&C´s and one stay in the hospital with multiple tests waiting to eliminate the roots of the placenta of my miscarriage, plus dozens of blood tests and U/S.
Since this is supposed to be a very easy procedure I did not know why I kept putting this off (doctors had recommended it last year and again in April of this year), but today after making the appointment I felt deep waves of anxiety and had several horrible flashbacks and knew that it all had to do with what I had lived there.
I had to go to a room in the office and breath deeply in order not to start crying.
I think I have some type post traumatic stress disorder after all I lived one year and a half ago. The is no other explanation.
This is just a simple procedure, yet my feelings are extreme and are getting worse by the hour, but at the very same time I feel it will give me closure and some answers and I will regret all my life not having done it. I just wish it was not at this place.
Going again to the same hospital where I spent the very worst days of my life and having another procedure there is not something that I would even wish on my own worse enemy.
Yet I have no option, this is the only place where they can do this as an outpatient procedure with a doctor that is willing to do exactly the way that Napro is asking and there is no way that I will spend again several days in a hospital to do it under full anesthesia which is my other option in another hospital.
With this procedure they will put me under light anesthesia and in the doctors office do it with my local Napro doctor present (she is not a surgeon and does not have the equipment, but will be there to support me and also to see the procedure). I have to enter the hospital and walk all the way to this doctors office to do it.
They expect me to have some pain (there will be an additional biopsy) and also I will need a family member to be with me in case I feel ill, but all should end in a couple of hours. One to prep and another to have the procedure and recuperate. No need to rest or do anything special afterwards. It should be very simple, yet my feelings are not.
Its so ironic that it needs to be in the very place where I promised myself not to return, yet this is my 4th time there. FOURTH.
Since my first D&C there I have vowed never to go to this place again, yet time and time again I end there. I find it surreal with so many hospitals in the city I always return. Arghhhhh!
This is the hospital where I found out we had miscarried after a normal U/S, where I had 2 D&C and spent 4 days in intense pain and where I was pressured by a doctor after my D&C to do IVF telling me I was stupid in trusting Napro.
My local doctor decided to do a D&C at the very same place were we had received the news. I began to hate this place since then.
Going into the operating room and knowing there was no baby anymore must have been the very worst feeling of my life . I can still see all details of the rooms in my mind and the stairs of entrance to the hospital. My eyes flood with tears even months later.
But God had other plans and all did not end there. A few days later the intense pain and bleeding started. I had not idea what was going on, but the pain both physical and emotional was more than I could bear.
My doctor asked me to run to the hospital and I spent the next 4 days on the same floor (its a woman´s hospital very famous for its very good approach to birth so it mostly does this) with countless families receiving the amazing news of births. I could hear babies crying and families celebrating outside my door. I had contractions like giving birth for several days until my body eliminated the blood clots formed by the roots of the placenta naturally and I still fell the pain of this mixed with such an intense waves of grief.
I promised myself never ever again to return to this hospital. I made a solemn vow.
Well 3 months later I had to go again there to have a second D&C for extreme bleeding that they had mistaken for a second miscarriage. My doctor insisted it be there since he could not meet me the the other one he used. Three hospitalizations in 3 months at this hospital.
So more than a year and a half later I have to go back there to find answers. And I am in panic to see this place again. I had no idea my feelings would be so strong, but I cannot deny them.
I hate the irony of IF. One promised never ever to do something and time and time again you end up doing it in the intese quest for a baby. I absolutely hate IF.
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
What would you tell your priest about IF?
Hi! We need your advice.
On Thursday we are set to present Napro, IF, and realted subjects to a large group of priests, more than 60 plus. this is major.
Our bishop has asked us to present to them and while we have some ideas, I wanted to ask you if you had this opportunity what would you tell them.
The bishop is very keen in them understanding their role in all of this and the exact Church position, but also understanding not only the rules, but also the pain that goes along this cross.
any ideas are welcome!
Sunday, June 24, 2012
An opportunity to give thanks
Last night I was reading an old post of the importance of the internet by Leila from the Little Catholic Bubble called : catholic-bloggers-this-ones-for-you
She posted 2 amazing quotes that I will post again here. I had not read them before, but they really made me think since I see my work also as a mission and I also have received a lot from the internet. As I have blogged here I work for an internet company in marketing and every day I am learning more and more about its power. =)
Blessed John Paul II
The Internet causes billions of images to appear on millions of computer monitors around the planet. From this galaxy of sight and sound will the face of Christ emerge and the voice of Christ be heard? For it is only when his face is seen and his voice heard that the world will know the glad tidings of our redemption. This is the purpose of evangelization. And this is what will make the Internet a genuinely human space, for if there is no room for Christ, there is no room for man. -- Message for the 36th World Communications Day (2002)
Pope Benedict XVI
Without fear we must set sail on the digital sea facing into the deep with the same passion that has governed the ship of the Church for two thousand years. Rather than for, albeit necessary, technical resources, we want to qualify ourselves by living in the digital world with a believer’s heart, helping to give a soul to the Internet’s incessant flow of communication. (2010)
As I blogged here I learned personally about the power of internet when I found out about Napro through online groups and blogs. They truly saved my life and continue to be a source of wisdom and guidance during out If battle.
I was thinking about this when we went to mass to a church that I used to attend, one that I love very much, but its quite out of the way for us now. I used to go there to daily mass before I became a mom since it was very close to my former office.
Well today out of the blue we decided to go there. My DH told me there was going to be a a beautiful mass due to the coming feast day of the patron saint of this church. It would be nice to go there and maybe spend sometime outside eating in the garden where they were going to put food stands.
Well after Mass we were waiting to say hi to the priest when I lost my DH. After a couple of minutes I see him talking to an elderly man and go to him, then this man turns to me and I see its the DH of the founder of our adoption agency. I am speechless. Again in a city of millions.
I introduce him to our son and tell him he is fruit of their amazing work saving lives and tell him he is called Jose.m.aria. He says: My wife needs to know this and see the baby again!
So he calls her just as she was about to enter the church and she is ecstatic to see our son and we begin to talk while the other mass starts. Well the conversation turns to our jobs and we tell her we both have changed jobs since our adoption.
When I mention about what I do she tells me she has been thinking a lot lately about int.ernet. I smile thinking about Leila´s post and about the homily I had just heard since the Mass was dedicated to sanctification through work.
She knows they must start doing a much better job since women are not coming in the numbers they used to the agency since abortion became legal and I tell her I really think the pro-life movement is losing the battle there, badly.
I tell her there is tons to do, but it seems we are not communicating as we should and using old strategies.
The other side its much better equipped and savvy and they are luring countless women into aborting because they are not seeing the amazing options that they have. We simply do not use the internet to all its potential and both JPII and BXVI are calling us to do it.
We start discussing her ideas on this for the next minutes and then she tells me if I could teach her the basics of the online world? About blogs, advertising, etc.
Then she gives me her cell phone and asks me if I could teach her at her home a couple of afternoons and tell her my thoughts on this and where they can do better to help more women and babies.
I almost cry right there. Wow.
How can I say no? She is the person that founded the agency that helped our son´s BM and she actually was the one that had the final decision that he come to us.
The biggest gift we have ever received.
She is also one of the most esteemed persons in the whole country in the subject of adoption. She singlehandedly changed many laws.
And to think that maybe I can help other women through her? Save other babies?
I not only see my job as a way to bring stability to my family, but we need more Catholics understanding this new world and if I can help in this this is a major, major blessing.
I know deep within myself that there is a deeper reason why God placed me where I am right now. Its hard having to work full time, but there is a reason for everything.
I just pray that I truly can explain the importance to her of being more proactive in internet and also having a much better strategy and can share all that I can learned in my journey and work.
I will probably need to pray to my guardian angel so I speak the right words !!
So in the next days I will be able to give thanks to the agency that gave me the most amazing gift. My son.
Monday, June 18, 2012
Prayers and advice needed: UPDATED
Update:
Thanks for all the prayers. They really lifted us up in a very difficult day.
She did the pregnancy test today at the hospital and it came out negative, still the doctor here thinks she is not out of the woods yet due to her rising levels of progesterone and has asked her to test again in a week since it might have been too early. The only other possibility is a lab mistake or the change in labs since it was Sunday and her usual one was closed. Yet the doctor does not want to risk it.
She put her on very high doses of vaginal progesterone to help her in the case she were truly pregnant and from what I understand told her to take it easy for the next week until she has to test again.
I am very happy the doctor reacted so well and quickly really caring for the patient and possible baby, she is the only Napro doctor nearby and a real blessing. Even if it seems too much , she is really being extra careful in case there was a life involved and this is the way it should be, but very few doctors even care.
i will keep you all posted as we learn more. It will be a difficult week I am sure for them.
A very, very close family member was doing this month her complete month Napro BW series for IF.
It took me 3 years to convince them to do it and they finally decided to start charting 3 months ago and this cycle they started with the testing.
They had a devastating miscarriage more than a year ago and no pregnancies since. Their suffering reminds me so much of mine and I see in their eyes how tired and anxious they are for answers.
Her charts tell us that the problem most probably is progesterone since she has in every single cycle premenstrual bleeding. She also has problems with calcium and vitamin d which make her a candidate to osteoporosis.
Well the BW was going fine until last night, some low hormones that we expected and her progesterone went up on P+7 as its normal on this day to 14, but then it went slightly down on P+9 to 11 and we expected to see a big dip on P+11... but it did not happen. Actually it went up to 18.
When progesterone goes up in the luteal phase normally it means pregnancy.
A few days ago she reported to me some unsusual bleeding that I had seen only in pregnancy, but I did not want to ger her hopes up . They had used a couple of fertile days this cycle until the doctor told them not to continue due to the possibility of a miscarriage. .
Well last night we went into emergency mode.
They called me in panic knowing that the progesterone could mean pregnancy, yet as always she had started her normal premenstrual bleeding on P+11. Very, very slight, but there.
The panic was there. She knew what this all could mean.
A possible baby and also the very high risk of miscarriage.
I called the doctor right away that ordered a blood pregnancy test today. In a few hours we will know. She did not sleep.
If there is a baby its in grave danger of being miscarried. A long awaited baby by them and my family.
This added to the fact that we do not have PIO progesterone in Mexico, we only have artificial progesterone available and only very few natural options with very low levels, mostly to manage menopause. And of course most of Napro medicines are not available here, only the big commercial ones.
And the Napro doctor who is amazing , is brand new to Napro, and has never used any miscarriage protocols. She spent last night reading about her options.
We will need a miracle in case there is a baby.
Any practical advice that we could give this amazing woman? I know baby aspirin is one, as well as rest and a ton of water, but anything else?
Can you please please pray?
St. Gianna please help!
Virgin of Guadalupe please help!
Sacred Heart of Jesus please help!
Thanks for all the prayers. They really lifted us up in a very difficult day.
She did the pregnancy test today at the hospital and it came out negative, still the doctor here thinks she is not out of the woods yet due to her rising levels of progesterone and has asked her to test again in a week since it might have been too early. The only other possibility is a lab mistake or the change in labs since it was Sunday and her usual one was closed. Yet the doctor does not want to risk it.
She put her on very high doses of vaginal progesterone to help her in the case she were truly pregnant and from what I understand told her to take it easy for the next week until she has to test again.
I am very happy the doctor reacted so well and quickly really caring for the patient and possible baby, she is the only Napro doctor nearby and a real blessing. Even if it seems too much , she is really being extra careful in case there was a life involved and this is the way it should be, but very few doctors even care.
i will keep you all posted as we learn more. It will be a difficult week I am sure for them.
A very, very close family member was doing this month her complete month Napro BW series for IF.
It took me 3 years to convince them to do it and they finally decided to start charting 3 months ago and this cycle they started with the testing.
They had a devastating miscarriage more than a year ago and no pregnancies since. Their suffering reminds me so much of mine and I see in their eyes how tired and anxious they are for answers.
Her charts tell us that the problem most probably is progesterone since she has in every single cycle premenstrual bleeding. She also has problems with calcium and vitamin d which make her a candidate to osteoporosis.
Well the BW was going fine until last night, some low hormones that we expected and her progesterone went up on P+7 as its normal on this day to 14, but then it went slightly down on P+9 to 11 and we expected to see a big dip on P+11... but it did not happen. Actually it went up to 18.
When progesterone goes up in the luteal phase normally it means pregnancy.
A few days ago she reported to me some unsusual bleeding that I had seen only in pregnancy, but I did not want to ger her hopes up . They had used a couple of fertile days this cycle until the doctor told them not to continue due to the possibility of a miscarriage. .
Well last night we went into emergency mode.
They called me in panic knowing that the progesterone could mean pregnancy, yet as always she had started her normal premenstrual bleeding on P+11. Very, very slight, but there.
The panic was there. She knew what this all could mean.
A possible baby and also the very high risk of miscarriage.
I called the doctor right away that ordered a blood pregnancy test today. In a few hours we will know. She did not sleep.
If there is a baby its in grave danger of being miscarried. A long awaited baby by them and my family.
This added to the fact that we do not have PIO progesterone in Mexico, we only have artificial progesterone available and only very few natural options with very low levels, mostly to manage menopause. And of course most of Napro medicines are not available here, only the big commercial ones.
And the Napro doctor who is amazing , is brand new to Napro, and has never used any miscarriage protocols. She spent last night reading about her options.
We will need a miracle in case there is a baby.
Any practical advice that we could give this amazing woman? I know baby aspirin is one, as well as rest and a ton of water, but anything else?
Can you please please pray?
St. Gianna please help!
Virgin of Guadalupe please help!
Sacred Heart of Jesus please help!
Saturday, June 2, 2012
My fertility diary
A few weeks ago I found my fertility diary.
The very same diary I was keeping of all the treatments and the health choices I was making on 2010 on my path to motherhood.
It brought back so many memories and I have been meaning to write on it again for weeks, yet something has been stopping me. I did not know what exactly.
The diary keept staring at me from my nightstand each day for weeks on end.
Yet the time has come to restart it. I know I am ready and this is a huge step for me. It means I am daring to believe again and put my heart out there.
In February of 2010 Dr H had given us a 60 to 70% chance of being parents after my lap with him and I had been to a fertility retreat with Ran.dine Lewis (author of "the infertility Cure") in March of that year. She had diagnosed me with the Chinese equivalent of the very same things as Dr. H, plus a couple more and had taught me many things to treat them naturally. She stressed that the most important was getting the body into balance and that this was done through diet and supplements, relaxation and exercise. A pregnancy would come with balance.
For the next months we tried to get pregnant to no avail following mainly Western medicine and doing some of her advice on an off and then I read Inconcei.vable, an amazing book on the power of taking control of your own health path and all clicked.
I needed to make my own cure mixing Napro and alternative medice and lifestyle changes. I dove right into Randi.ne´s advice, re-read all my healthy lifestyle books and created my own program. I was so motivated that there was no stopping me.
Around that time I had found a fertility diary in an Amer.ican Bookstore here in Mexico city which was mainly to keep track of IVF treatments.
I decided to use it instead to record:
Meditation or relaxation, exercise, changes in medicines and weight, how well I was following a healthy diet, addition to supplements and changes to mood.
I kept track of everything that I was doing to become a mother. Reflecting at the end of each day made me feel stronger and helped me to focus on joy.
I added things every week that made me feel better. One day was giving myself a foot massage, another just breathing deeply, the other reading an amazing book.
I began to enjoy life again after several years of IF.
I got pregnant about 3 months later, after really listening to my body. I am sure Napro had found the organic causes and I had found the rest through reading and really listening to my body.
Today I am still on the very same medicines and in over a year and a half of trying again we have not been pregnant once. I know there is something additional to fix with Napro (I have developed intermittent Tail end Brown bleeding since my miscarriage), but there is something else missing. I know it.
the very low vitamin D levels are just a proof of this.
Additionally I am not doing most of the things that helped me be so healthy then: .
and most important I had lost all confidence in my body´s ability to be pregnant and healthy.
As I have written here I became pregnant and then after 9 weeks I had a very traumatic miscarriage with tons of complications, I was in the hospital three times in just a few months and then had to go through the deep grief of all of this while focusing on adoption and all its paperwork.
After my miscarriage I lost all confidence I had gained in the past months of very healthy living and then came our adoption and the focus was an amazing baby boy.
This year my focus has been managing a family and a job and my health has become the last priority, yet I know I have to change this.
My heart yearns for another baby and I know that I need to be as healthy as I can for the son I already have or for future adoptions. I am an older mother and need to be there for him.
Also in the last weeks something has shifted.
The thing that I think changed my view of my body has been that for the last weeks I have been on an anti-inflammatory diet and supplements and yesterday for the first time in over 1.5 years I felt that my body worked.
I looked at myself in the mirror and for the very first time in years I saw a body that could achieve things. The diet and supplements that the nutritionist had given me had changed my digestion dramatically, I had lost weight and most importantly inflammation. The change was dramatic.
I had a waist again, no belly and I felt amazing. I felt so light.
I have not done her diet at a 100%, but around 80% yet the results are there. I have only lost 3 or 4 pounds after a few weeks of dieting, yet I feel completely different.
Its hard to describe.
Strong again.
So diary and new healthy lifestyle here I come (and I am sending all my files to Gianna and PPVI again for a second look as not to leave this stone urturned) and hopefully another pregnancy.
I am daring to believe again. =)
The very same diary I was keeping of all the treatments and the health choices I was making on 2010 on my path to motherhood.
It brought back so many memories and I have been meaning to write on it again for weeks, yet something has been stopping me. I did not know what exactly.
The diary keept staring at me from my nightstand each day for weeks on end.
Yet the time has come to restart it. I know I am ready and this is a huge step for me. It means I am daring to believe again and put my heart out there.
In February of 2010 Dr H had given us a 60 to 70% chance of being parents after my lap with him and I had been to a fertility retreat with Ran.dine Lewis (author of "the infertility Cure") in March of that year. She had diagnosed me with the Chinese equivalent of the very same things as Dr. H, plus a couple more and had taught me many things to treat them naturally. She stressed that the most important was getting the body into balance and that this was done through diet and supplements, relaxation and exercise. A pregnancy would come with balance.
For the next months we tried to get pregnant to no avail following mainly Western medicine and doing some of her advice on an off and then I read Inconcei.vable, an amazing book on the power of taking control of your own health path and all clicked.
I needed to make my own cure mixing Napro and alternative medice and lifestyle changes. I dove right into Randi.ne´s advice, re-read all my healthy lifestyle books and created my own program. I was so motivated that there was no stopping me.
Around that time I had found a fertility diary in an Amer.ican Bookstore here in Mexico city which was mainly to keep track of IVF treatments.
I decided to use it instead to record:
Meditation or relaxation, exercise, changes in medicines and weight, how well I was following a healthy diet, addition to supplements and changes to mood.
I kept track of everything that I was doing to become a mother. Reflecting at the end of each day made me feel stronger and helped me to focus on joy.
I added things every week that made me feel better. One day was giving myself a foot massage, another just breathing deeply, the other reading an amazing book.
I began to enjoy life again after several years of IF.
I got pregnant about 3 months later, after really listening to my body. I am sure Napro had found the organic causes and I had found the rest through reading and really listening to my body.
Today I am still on the very same medicines and in over a year and a half of trying again we have not been pregnant once. I know there is something additional to fix with Napro (I have developed intermittent Tail end Brown bleeding since my miscarriage), but there is something else missing. I know it.
the very low vitamin D levels are just a proof of this.
Additionally I am not doing most of the things that helped me be so healthy then: .
- Exercise: no
- Relaxation: no
- Focusing on healthy foods: no
- Eliminating caffeine: no
- Ideal weight: no
- Focusing on joy: no
- The right mix of supplements: no
and most important I had lost all confidence in my body´s ability to be pregnant and healthy.
As I have written here I became pregnant and then after 9 weeks I had a very traumatic miscarriage with tons of complications, I was in the hospital three times in just a few months and then had to go through the deep grief of all of this while focusing on adoption and all its paperwork.
After my miscarriage I lost all confidence I had gained in the past months of very healthy living and then came our adoption and the focus was an amazing baby boy.
This year my focus has been managing a family and a job and my health has become the last priority, yet I know I have to change this.
My heart yearns for another baby and I know that I need to be as healthy as I can for the son I already have or for future adoptions. I am an older mother and need to be there for him.
Also in the last weeks something has shifted.
The thing that I think changed my view of my body has been that for the last weeks I have been on an anti-inflammatory diet and supplements and yesterday for the first time in over 1.5 years I felt that my body worked.
I looked at myself in the mirror and for the very first time in years I saw a body that could achieve things. The diet and supplements that the nutritionist had given me had changed my digestion dramatically, I had lost weight and most importantly inflammation. The change was dramatic.
I had a waist again, no belly and I felt amazing. I felt so light.
I have not done her diet at a 100%, but around 80% yet the results are there. I have only lost 3 or 4 pounds after a few weeks of dieting, yet I feel completely different.
Its hard to describe.
Strong again.
So diary and new healthy lifestyle here I come (and I am sending all my files to Gianna and PPVI again for a second look as not to leave this stone urturned) and hopefully another pregnancy.
I am daring to believe again. =)
Friday, June 1, 2012
For Greater Glory; updated
Today launches an amazing movie: For Greater Glory
I wrote about it when it launched here in México here: Go and see this
This is what Catholic.org wrote today: A highest recommendation
A film produced by a very famous Mexican business man that had a conversion and promised to God to make great Catholic movies, movies with content and a heart. We need to support these persons so we can continue to communicate The Truth!
In Mexico it was a smash and broke many records.
Its a movie that talks about priests and lay persons giving up their lives for Christ at a time of vicious persecution. Where hundreds of persons, even thousands were murdered for their faith including many priests, children and nuns. Modern day saints and martys, a lot of them cannonized by JPII and BVI
I think a lot of Catholics in the USA should see it as your faith is being so attacked.
If this were not enough reason to see it you can get a glimpse of Eduardo Verastegui. A Mexican actor that had a conversion also and that has dedicated this life to the Culture of Life and is building el manto de Guadalupe (the mantle of Guadalupe) one of the largest crisis pregnancy centers in the USA right in front of one of the biggest abortion mills in the country.
He is also the producer and actor of Bella. so if the story and supporting good movies are not reason enough, you can go and see a hunk!!!!!
If you can go and see it!!!
I wrote about it when it launched here in México here: Go and see this
This is what Catholic.org wrote today: A highest recommendation
Do not miss this remarkable salute to the little known heroes of the Cristeros rebellion, an opportunity not only to educate your family about past religious persecution and the heroes who fought for religious liberty in Mexico, but a spellbinding experience to inspire your own reaction to similar threats in the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave.And Foxnews:
For Greater Glory” takes its cues from a bygone era of Technicolor Golden Age epics and delivers a sprawling political drama steeped in old-fashioned Hollywood romanticism. During the 1920s, Mexico was thrust into civil war when President Plutarco Calles (Rubén Blades) outlawed Catholicism, banned religious activity, confiscated all church property and exiled clergy. Priests and nuns that protested were arrested or publicly executed and hung on display from roadside posts. Rebel factions formed by schoolboys to farmers to artisans rose up and thus started the Cristero War. Andy Garcia gives an excellent performance as the legendary General Gorostieta, a militaristic mastermind hired to lead the directionless rebels against Calles. In pure movie fashion, one man becomes a symbol, uniting a country in its struggle for civil liberty and religious freedom. But Gorostieta’s story is an interesting one: He’s an atheist who joins the cause out of boredom – and a little prodding from his wife (Eva Longoria) -- but he quickly finds worth and value when he’s introduced to a young boy, José Luis Sanchez.Note: José Luis Sánchez has been beatified by Pope Benedict Beatification of Mexican martyr
Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2012/06/01/review-for-greater-glory-sweeping-sentimental-adventure/#ixzz1wacYjnmC
A film produced by a very famous Mexican business man that had a conversion and promised to God to make great Catholic movies, movies with content and a heart. We need to support these persons so we can continue to communicate The Truth!
In Mexico it was a smash and broke many records.
Its a movie that talks about priests and lay persons giving up their lives for Christ at a time of vicious persecution. Where hundreds of persons, even thousands were murdered for their faith including many priests, children and nuns. Modern day saints and martys, a lot of them cannonized by JPII and BVI
I think a lot of Catholics in the USA should see it as your faith is being so attacked.
If this were not enough reason to see it you can get a glimpse of Eduardo Verastegui. A Mexican actor that had a conversion also and that has dedicated this life to the Culture of Life and is building el manto de Guadalupe (the mantle of Guadalupe) one of the largest crisis pregnancy centers in the USA right in front of one of the biggest abortion mills in the country.
He is also the producer and actor of Bella. so if the story and supporting good movies are not reason enough, you can go and see a hunk!!!!!
If you can go and see it!!!
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