The last couple of weeks have been full of emotions and I am drained.
Horrible news from a dear friend, the reality of the lack of a job from my DH (still nobody in our families knows, since there has not been even the chance), and changes in my job from all fronts, plus the advice of a dear priest ... lets say its a lot to handle.
I am simply drained and things do not seem will get easier in the next weeks. So many things out of the ordinary happening at the very same time its really incredible and hard to handle emotionally.
As I blogged last week I received news that one of my clients was experiencing one of very worst things I could ever imagine for someone. This has been constantly in my mind and I have not been able to distance myself from it as perhaps I should.
It hit too close to home.
The diagnosis that their baby will die shortly after birth from lack of development of the lungs (due to a birth defect) has been confirmed by several doctors now and the only thing is to wait for the baby to be born only to die almost immediately. The ethical thing to do in this case is only to give warmth to the baby and slowly let him die. There is nothing else to do and the more things the doctors do will only extend his agony. I even hard a hard time writing this.
But I feel this is the only place where I can truly express what I feel at this time and that the least I could do for them is be there.
All of this, the calls with the doctors and reading the emails trying to get them help has hit me like a ton of bricks.
Shaken me to the core.
I have no idea how nurses and doctors do it.
Why does God asks anybody to face IF? I have no idea, but I have come to a place of acceptance after years of fighting it.
But face IF and miscarriage , as I have, I still have a very hard time accepting. I know its a process, but one that has taken me a long time to at least handle with peace.
But then face IF for years, then miscarriage and now the death of a child right after birth like this couple will I cannot comprehend. I have tried praying about it and I am still in shock. I really cannot even utter the right words to God.
Then of course is the stress of my DH lack of job. We have not been able to talk in depth about next steps. He is still going to the office to deliver the last part of his projects and when we have had the time we have preferred to spend playing with Josemaria and having some quiet days at home.
Our families still do not know it and I prefer it like this for now. I cannot handle right now their worries and inquiries.
All of this has been going on a the same time my boss has been away from the office for 2 weeks vacation and everything at work explodes.
He left me in charge while he was gone and so this is an added responsibility and while he was away they asked me to grow my department 4 fold (I had to call him in the middle of his vacation to tell him) and I now need to hire 2 more people in the next days.
I will finally have a team in place as they had promised me, but the ramp up is truly scary. I am not sure how I will handle the coming weeks, choosing 2 new people, teaching them, etc while doing the normal job. Once I have it in place it means I will have some more flexibility like the plan always was, but getting there will be tough.
And the irony of things.
Out of the blue I receive a call from a top company (A.pp..le) and 2 head hunters call me offering me great positions, all in 3 days.
This is when I most would like to work less and spend more time with Josemaria. Instead of feeling flattered, I felt so much pressure....
Why these offers do not come to all of those in need of a job I have no idea.
These days I really do not understand life.
I already had the interview by the top company and its clear its not something that I need or want right now. I still have to write the letter telling them no thanks in the best manner possible even though they were super positive to me (I would have never ever imagined saying no to such a company, but it was very clear this position was not compatible with a family at all and this made the choice very clear)
And this is not all on the job front..... last week I receive an updated version of my company HR policies. I search for maternity leave in the case of adoption and I see one month. ONE .
When I was recruited the policy said 5 months and this was a very important point in my decision and now only one? how did that happen?
Well my heart sank and I had to reread the policy many times over.
How in the world would I mange in a case of adoption? Return to work full time after only one month? Biological maternity leave is 5 months, but this is nothing.
My time home with Josemaria for 5 month was so precious that reading this almost made me cry. I know we would survive, but its really pathetic.
I write to HR and today I have a call with them.
The policy for Latin America used to be exactly the same as the one in the USA which is 5 months of fully paid maternity leave, but in their efforts to follow local laws and have clearer policies they have done local policies which match almost exactly local laws.
So Brasil has 5 months maternity leave as part of their laws, Argentina 3 and Mexico NOTHING.
The adoption maternal leave law has been stuck in the congress for years now so nothing exists.
So the company rather than give nothing in Mexico says they will give in the case of us one month which is more than the law states.
And the irony...... the only person in the region that has ever asked about maternity leave in cases of adoption is me . The poor girl from HR did not really know what to tell me, only that I was her only case asking about adoption and that she felt terrible for me.
So she has asked me to submit a case in the next days for a board to review this and in case they could consider changes this could become applicable next year in case we were to adopt. Arghhhh!
As its normal with me when stress hits I have been lacking in prayer and have been again too much Martha. I truly need to be more Mary....
Since I know this is not right I went to confession about it last Sunday and the priest who knows me very well asked me to consult with my normal confessor about his advice which was:
Focus mostly on my marriage which he felt was being threatened by too many things at once (while we are not having marital issues, he felt they would come soon), focus on keeping my job as a way to provide for my family and then our quest for additional children via adoption or biological . He felt very strongly that I should not do any work for Napro for now.
He says its simply too much facing the situation I am in now at home and starting an adoption process. He wants me to go on a retreat and do the minimal outside of my family and work.
I still do not know what I think about it, but I promised to speak to my confessor and be open about his advice. Lets say that his advice rather than give me peace only added to the many emotions I am feeling.
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Friday, August 3, 2012
Prayer warriors needed for baby and mother
I cannot even contain the tears.
A dear client and friend of mine just received the most devastating news a woman can receive after years and years of IF.
She is 20 weeks pregnant after 6 plus years of infertility. They were misdiagnosed for years, pushed countless times to do ivf which she refused and last year they finally got pregnant to miscarry at 7 weeks after a lap in Omaha.
She trusted Napro completely from the very beinning with no system here, nor any success cases she knew of. Only that she felt it was the Truth.
They went back to PPIV late last year and had an ovarian wedge resection and got pregnant this March.
They were fearful, but finally announced it to the world a few weeks ago. They are a couple that have long inspired me and in times of darkness have recharged me to keep working to help bring this here.
Today very early O receive an email from her. The baby has been diagnosed with a devastating birth defect. Its called bilateral renal agenesis. This means the baby has no kidneys, there is low amniotic fluid and its lungs will not develop. He will mostly die a few hours after birth.
They have been sent from doctor to doctor and the only doctor that has confirmed the diagnosis asked her to induce. This means abortion and she is refusing.
We are scrambling now to have a bioethicist look at the case, waiting for advice from dr H, calling all prolife doctors we know to have a second opinion. With such limited local resources this is three times worse.
There is no support system for cases like this and most doctors will push her to do the unthinkable.
Its at times like this that is so clear that we are so alone here and we need to continue to fight to bring this here.
We need all the prayers we can get for this baby (He is called Francisco after St. Francis of Assis and his father), for his brave mother fighting a horrible culture of death, that we find the help that we need for them.
Please if you can spare a prayer it is really needed at this time.
A dear client and friend of mine just received the most devastating news a woman can receive after years and years of IF.
She is 20 weeks pregnant after 6 plus years of infertility. They were misdiagnosed for years, pushed countless times to do ivf which she refused and last year they finally got pregnant to miscarry at 7 weeks after a lap in Omaha.
She trusted Napro completely from the very beinning with no system here, nor any success cases she knew of. Only that she felt it was the Truth.
They went back to PPIV late last year and had an ovarian wedge resection and got pregnant this March.
They were fearful, but finally announced it to the world a few weeks ago. They are a couple that have long inspired me and in times of darkness have recharged me to keep working to help bring this here.
Today very early O receive an email from her. The baby has been diagnosed with a devastating birth defect. Its called bilateral renal agenesis. This means the baby has no kidneys, there is low amniotic fluid and its lungs will not develop. He will mostly die a few hours after birth.
They have been sent from doctor to doctor and the only doctor that has confirmed the diagnosis asked her to induce. This means abortion and she is refusing.
We are scrambling now to have a bioethicist look at the case, waiting for advice from dr H, calling all prolife doctors we know to have a second opinion. With such limited local resources this is three times worse.
There is no support system for cases like this and most doctors will push her to do the unthinkable.
Its at times like this that is so clear that we are so alone here and we need to continue to fight to bring this here.
We need all the prayers we can get for this baby (He is called Francisco after St. Francis of Assis and his father), for his brave mother fighting a horrible culture of death, that we find the help that we need for them.
Please if you can spare a prayer it is really needed at this time.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
When it rains, it pours
Last week Wednesday I found out by DH lost his job and his last day is today. The same day we also found out the business that we had invested in since early last year is going through some very difficult times.
All of this at the very same time when we are starting adoption proceedings for our second baby and also we have decided to do again Napro full force at the advice of 2 diff Napro doctors who still have high hopes for us.
The reasons why he lost his job are are not that clear, only that his postion will be merged with another persons position and that they will need a person with another skill set than his.
This was a complete surprise to both of us, since his evaluation by his peers and boss had gone very well just last month.
We never ever saw this coming. When he told me I felt I was kicked in the gut and I have not been able to write about it sooner since I hardly could believe it.
He ended in the best of terms of with the people there and actually the doors are open for him to have a teaching position when he finishes an education program that they sponsored for him.
This will happen end of November and he could be teaching in January, still many months from now and at a very low salary since he would be just starting with only one or 2 classes a week. Nothing like he had right now.
We had thought this job was a step in a new direction and while not perfect was a new start for us after many years of lack of direction. Now this door is closed and we need to gather up strength to where God might lead us.
His boss, who actually from what my DH tells me was very, very distraught about letting him go, told him he can still mention that he has a job there while he job hunts and they will back him up. They will also recommend him highly. Still this does not solve the situation that we find ourselves in right now.
Job hunting in the middle of vacation time with no clear direction where to go. We are still in shock.
So many plans shattered.
But this is not the only thing that happened. On the very same week the business that we had been investing in for the last year and a half told us they were having major issues. Also we had no idea.
We had invested with them a large amount (for us at least) and in return they gave us a percentage each month which was an additional income for my DH. Not a lot, but it was a monthly extra that permitted us to do Napro and save.
They had been having several months of much lower sales (its the online business of a very close friend of mine and they had been very successful in the past and had been able to grow a lot due to our investment, but for some reason they have not been able to figure out sales had been going down and down) and they had to ask us to decrease substantially the percentage of return to us and in case we were to need the money they are not in a postion to return it to us right now.
I know my friend very well and I trust her completely so I know they must be facing very hard times to come to this. I know our investment is safe, but the return will be less than half of what it was before.
So basically a large percentage of our income is gone in a couple of days and it comes at a time where our expenses were going to increase dramatically in our quest to continue to build our family.
My DH did not know how to tell me when he found out Monday and waited until Wednesday night to tell me and my friend at the very same time had come to my office that very same day to inform me of the new and was very distraught about the situation.
Nobody knows about my DH losing his job except B here and a close friend of my DH. We have not told our families and I prefer it this way for now.
We need to digest the news first and do not want everybody to be all worried for us. My dad and my father in law both worked at the same jobs 40 years each so changes in job situations are always a major source of worry for both.
My DH was ashamed and very sad. Lets say it was a difficult conversation when he told me, specially with us focusing now so much on our next adoption and/or biological parenthood.
Dr B from Ireland and the doctor from the Gia.nna center both recommended that I do several cycles with new medicines and close monitoring and we had decided to go ahead this week.
My local insurance while amazing, does not cover Napro.
So this is a very expensive endeavor and on top of it all we got the call from our agency that we start adoption proceedings August 15th.
While adoption here is nothing as expensive as in the USA (actually you only pay minimal lawyer feed because its illegal to profit from adoption) it has some costs like the courses, tests and paperwork and the need to invest a lot of time that with a job hunt might be difficult.
I have no idea how my DH now not having a job will affect us. I am not sure if the agency will put this against us and ask us to wait.
No idea .
In the case of Napro:
Many of our supplements and medicines are not found locally and any testing is out of pocket. The full regime that the doctors suggested that we start this cycle (BTW today is CD 1 and I need to make the decision to start or delay)
With no insurance covering this each month will look like this.....
To say this is a very hard blow is an understatement.
While his job was not great and could not support us fully it was a step in the right direction for us after many years of uncertainty and paid a lot of our basic expenses. The money from our friends business went to Napro and my income went to pay our mortage, save and help to bring Napro here.
The weight of everything was not on my shoulders only, but we had finally found a balance and while sometimes I would have wanted to stay home 100% I felt that we were building something finally after 4 very difficult years of marriage.
Now most of it will rest on my shoulders and this is sooooo hard for both of us.
Can you please spare a prayer that we find light and strength in the days ahead.
So many decisions to make.
All of this at the very same time when we are starting adoption proceedings for our second baby and also we have decided to do again Napro full force at the advice of 2 diff Napro doctors who still have high hopes for us.
The reasons why he lost his job are are not that clear, only that his postion will be merged with another persons position and that they will need a person with another skill set than his.
This was a complete surprise to both of us, since his evaluation by his peers and boss had gone very well just last month.
We never ever saw this coming. When he told me I felt I was kicked in the gut and I have not been able to write about it sooner since I hardly could believe it.
He ended in the best of terms of with the people there and actually the doors are open for him to have a teaching position when he finishes an education program that they sponsored for him.
This will happen end of November and he could be teaching in January, still many months from now and at a very low salary since he would be just starting with only one or 2 classes a week. Nothing like he had right now.
We had thought this job was a step in a new direction and while not perfect was a new start for us after many years of lack of direction. Now this door is closed and we need to gather up strength to where God might lead us.
His boss, who actually from what my DH tells me was very, very distraught about letting him go, told him he can still mention that he has a job there while he job hunts and they will back him up. They will also recommend him highly. Still this does not solve the situation that we find ourselves in right now.
Job hunting in the middle of vacation time with no clear direction where to go. We are still in shock.
So many plans shattered.
But this is not the only thing that happened. On the very same week the business that we had been investing in for the last year and a half told us they were having major issues. Also we had no idea.
We had invested with them a large amount (for us at least) and in return they gave us a percentage each month which was an additional income for my DH. Not a lot, but it was a monthly extra that permitted us to do Napro and save.
They had been having several months of much lower sales (its the online business of a very close friend of mine and they had been very successful in the past and had been able to grow a lot due to our investment, but for some reason they have not been able to figure out sales had been going down and down) and they had to ask us to decrease substantially the percentage of return to us and in case we were to need the money they are not in a postion to return it to us right now.
I know my friend very well and I trust her completely so I know they must be facing very hard times to come to this. I know our investment is safe, but the return will be less than half of what it was before.
So basically a large percentage of our income is gone in a couple of days and it comes at a time where our expenses were going to increase dramatically in our quest to continue to build our family.
My DH did not know how to tell me when he found out Monday and waited until Wednesday night to tell me and my friend at the very same time had come to my office that very same day to inform me of the new and was very distraught about the situation.
Nobody knows about my DH losing his job except B here and a close friend of my DH. We have not told our families and I prefer it this way for now.
We need to digest the news first and do not want everybody to be all worried for us. My dad and my father in law both worked at the same jobs 40 years each so changes in job situations are always a major source of worry for both.
My DH was ashamed and very sad. Lets say it was a difficult conversation when he told me, specially with us focusing now so much on our next adoption and/or biological parenthood.
Dr B from Ireland and the doctor from the Gia.nna center both recommended that I do several cycles with new medicines and close monitoring and we had decided to go ahead this week.
My local insurance while amazing, does not cover Napro.
So this is a very expensive endeavor and on top of it all we got the call from our agency that we start adoption proceedings August 15th.
While adoption here is nothing as expensive as in the USA (actually you only pay minimal lawyer feed because its illegal to profit from adoption) it has some costs like the courses, tests and paperwork and the need to invest a lot of time that with a job hunt might be difficult.
I have no idea how my DH now not having a job will affect us. I am not sure if the agency will put this against us and ask us to wait.
No idea .
In the case of Napro:
Many of our supplements and medicines are not found locally and any testing is out of pocket. The full regime that the doctors suggested that we start this cycle (BTW today is CD 1 and I need to make the decision to start or delay)
With no insurance covering this each month will look like this.....
- Pro.xe.ed: 100 USD
- HCG (Mexico): 70 USD. If I can buy in the USA it might be some 30 to 40 USD per month. If I have to do the 10,000 trigger shot another 70 or 30 USD....
- T3 compounded: 40 USD per month from USA
- Cortef: 30 USD per month from USA
- Assorted vitamins for both of us: some 80 USD. most local.
- Mucus enhancers: some 30 USD per month
- Femara: If I have to buy here..... over 100 USD a cycle. From the USA: 20 USD. For now its Clomid, but if this does not work this cycle next one is this.
- U/S: depending on where, but some 200 USD plus for the whole U/S series and they want me to do it each month
- B/W for P+7 Estradiol, Progesterone and TSH each month... some 100 USD
- Cycle review: 50 USD
This cycle only: antibiotics for three full weeks plus medicines for candida before...... around 500 USD or more.
I do not even want to add it up since I will go into a bed and cry....
My only, only consolation right now is that acupuncture (in case I were to do it) is very cheap here.
To say this is a very hard blow is an understatement.
While his job was not great and could not support us fully it was a step in the right direction for us after many years of uncertainty and paid a lot of our basic expenses. The money from our friends business went to Napro and my income went to pay our mortage, save and help to bring Napro here.
The weight of everything was not on my shoulders only, but we had finally found a balance and while sometimes I would have wanted to stay home 100% I felt that we were building something finally after 4 very difficult years of marriage.
Now most of it will rest on my shoulders and this is sooooo hard for both of us.
Can you please spare a prayer that we find light and strength in the days ahead.
So many decisions to make.
Monday, July 16, 2012
Three amazing days and new treatment plan
I just left Salt Lake city for the second part of my trip in the USA and I cannot even wrap my head around all the many gifts from the last days .
I met so many amazing people that I had long admired that its really a blessing for me to have been among them.
Just a few: Dr B from Ireland, an amazing doctor from Australia, TCIE´s boss who is such an amazing lady and who told me again how wonderful TCIE is and many other very committed people to helping women.
I also met 2 bloggers!!!
One Perfect Power in Weakness who was there for a few hours and I got to meet baby Rachel who is absolutely gorgeous. I am sad I had a meeting to attend so we did not get to talk a lot, but I am very grateful to have met her baby who is truly an inspiration for me.
And I lso met Polkadot from Making God Laugh who was a very big highlight from this trip. She is amazing and beautiful both inside and outside and has the most wonderful eyes. We were able to talk several times and I am so grateful for my time with her. I will keep you in my prayers.
One of the great gifts from this trip was that one night I went to dinner with Dr B, another doctor (Dr Y from St Louis who many people told me is an amazing endo surgeon ) and several practitioners.
Later everybody left, but Dr Y and Dr B and my friend B and me ended up talking for a very long time after dinner about the wealth of information in the blogs and about the "Infertility companion for catholics" book. Dr.B thought that the blogs could provide very valuable insights for the Napro doctors and even asked me to compile a list of the things that we see as important for them to consider.
I specially told him about the success stories with reproductive inmunology and that felt Napro still had a long way to go with this. He promised to read all suggestions that I would send him so if you want anything to be considered by a Napro doctor send them my way.
I found this openness to listen amazing and very, very admirable for such a recognized doctor.
After dinner while walking back to the hotel and very surprisingly to me Dr B offered too look at both my friend B`s and my chart.
Dr B is a family doctor who is perhaps Europe´s most recognized Napro doctor. His approach includes lifestyle, nutrition and he is very open to alternative medicine and I have been watching his videos on Youtube forever as well reading some of this protocols online.
When he told us this I really saw it as an opportunity from God to have a fresh look at my case from what I believe is a very different Napro perspective from the normal one.
Here are his recommendations in case they help anybody with fresh ideas:
First and foremost:
Every woman 38 and over and her DH MUST be on:
This he considers to be an anti-aging treatment for both egg and sperm and crucial for us older patients.
Then:
No wheat, no caffeine, no milk.
He does also allergy testing via blood samples, but considers that most people respond very well to taking the above out and if still not remarkably better do the testing . He has seen many great results with this. In some cases even only doing this people have pregnancies after years of trying
Medicines:
Most are very similar to the ones suggested by the Gianna center, but a couple are some what different and I discussed with him the pros and cons of them,.
That night I felt the same peace that I felt with the call with the Gianna center. Now 3 of the top Napro doctors have looked at my case and all agree that there are still small things to fix, but that once fixing them I could again be a mother.
It might not be the case as I am 41 and I have struggled for 5 years now with IF and had only one pregnancy in all this time, but I feel I have truly done all possible and its now up to God.
And the cherry on the cake, Today I am in San Francisco and my sister who lives in the Yucatan penniensula is also here with her family on her way to Hawaii and her hotel is 2 blocks from mine.
How in the world did we end up meeting here I do not know, but I am ecstatic as I will get to see my niece and nephew today and tomorrow.
I met so many amazing people that I had long admired that its really a blessing for me to have been among them.
Just a few: Dr B from Ireland, an amazing doctor from Australia, TCIE´s boss who is such an amazing lady and who told me again how wonderful TCIE is and many other very committed people to helping women.
I also met 2 bloggers!!!
One Perfect Power in Weakness who was there for a few hours and I got to meet baby Rachel who is absolutely gorgeous. I am sad I had a meeting to attend so we did not get to talk a lot, but I am very grateful to have met her baby who is truly an inspiration for me.
And I lso met Polkadot from Making God Laugh who was a very big highlight from this trip. She is amazing and beautiful both inside and outside and has the most wonderful eyes. We were able to talk several times and I am so grateful for my time with her. I will keep you in my prayers.
One of the great gifts from this trip was that one night I went to dinner with Dr B, another doctor (Dr Y from St Louis who many people told me is an amazing endo surgeon ) and several practitioners.
Later everybody left, but Dr Y and Dr B and my friend B and me ended up talking for a very long time after dinner about the wealth of information in the blogs and about the "Infertility companion for catholics" book. Dr.B thought that the blogs could provide very valuable insights for the Napro doctors and even asked me to compile a list of the things that we see as important for them to consider.
I specially told him about the success stories with reproductive inmunology and that felt Napro still had a long way to go with this. He promised to read all suggestions that I would send him so if you want anything to be considered by a Napro doctor send them my way.
I found this openness to listen amazing and very, very admirable for such a recognized doctor.
After dinner while walking back to the hotel and very surprisingly to me Dr B offered too look at both my friend B`s and my chart.
Dr B is a family doctor who is perhaps Europe´s most recognized Napro doctor. His approach includes lifestyle, nutrition and he is very open to alternative medicine and I have been watching his videos on Youtube forever as well reading some of this protocols online.
When he told us this I really saw it as an opportunity from God to have a fresh look at my case from what I believe is a very different Napro perspective from the normal one.
Here are his recommendations in case they help anybody with fresh ideas:
First and foremost:
Every woman 38 and over and her DH MUST be on:
- Alpha Lipoic Acid 300 mgs
- Vitamine C 1000 mgs
- DHEA 25mgs a day
This he considers to be an anti-aging treatment for both egg and sperm and crucial for us older patients.
Then:
No wheat, no caffeine, no milk.
He does also allergy testing via blood samples, but considers that most people respond very well to taking the above out and if still not remarkably better do the testing . He has seen many great results with this. In some cases even only doing this people have pregnancies after years of trying
Medicines:
Most are very similar to the ones suggested by the Gianna center, but a couple are some what different and I discussed with him the pros and cons of them,.
- I am on 50 mgs Naltrexone which is controversial among Napro doctors. Some consider it to be too high and that you can get great results by doing 4.5 which is the low dose naltrexone. Several doctors at the conference mentioned that they thought it was much better this way so I am really considering it and they mentioned that lowering the dose should not have bad effects. He recommended I speak about this with Dr. H.
- Clomid is also the way to go when you are older even if you ovulate since it " can make the egg stronger". I do not know the exact mechanism but I have been told this by Dr. H , Dr B and Dr. N so all agree that I need to do it and I will start the next cycle. He mentioned that you can do this for a year with no problems.
- In case its too drying I will need to go on Femara which works similar to Clomid. He mentioned you should not dismiss one for the other automatically, but give both a try since they tend to have different effects on women and you do not know until you try them both. Femara would be 25 mgs on CD 3 before breakfast.
- He recommended a trigger shot of 10, 000 IU of HCG on day 3 of mucus buildup. He believes I am ovulating normally, but has had very good results with this resulting in a better ovulation.
- Unlike the doctor in NY he thinks I have an infection due to all the procedures from my miscarriage and this is the reason we have not conceived again. He recommended a combination of medicines starting on CD 12. Before this I am to start Diflucan for 10 days to get rid of the candida that is normally in the body and then on day 12 start with both Biaxin and Flagyl for 3 full weeks. He recommended a very strong probiotic called Pre bio 7 which is not available as far as I know in the USA.
At the end of the conversation I asked him point blank if he thought we still had a chance.
And he surprised me by being extremely positive, far more than I ever expected being my age.
He said he would tell me if not point blank, but actually he was very, very positive that it was possible. He said your cycles seem very normal, your hormones look great and resemble those of a much younger person and exactly like the doctor from the Gianna center he said he believed it was actually fixing some the small things that would get us a new pregnancy. He thought infection was the main problem. He asked me to try for at least 12 good cycles and even 18 and then and only until then give up. I am not sure I could keep up so long, but I know that at least I will give it a good 6 months.
He said he saw no signs of pre menopause and actually thought I would have a late menopause just like my mom in the early fifties so he considers I could at least try until 43..
That night I felt the same peace that I felt with the call with the Gianna center. Now 3 of the top Napro doctors have looked at my case and all agree that there are still small things to fix, but that once fixing them I could again be a mother.
It might not be the case as I am 41 and I have struggled for 5 years now with IF and had only one pregnancy in all this time, but I feel I have truly done all possible and its now up to God.
And the cherry on the cake, Today I am in San Francisco and my sister who lives in the Yucatan penniensula is also here with her family on her way to Hawaii and her hotel is 2 blocks from mine.
How in the world did we end up meeting here I do not know, but I am ecstatic as I will get to see my niece and nephew today and tomorrow.
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Oh my God! or the Virgin at work again
I was still at the airport waiting to be able to board my plan to Las Vegas (please read my last post on my adventures to get to the FertilityCare meeting) when I checked my email for the last time before almost running out of battery.
I was complaining to myself.... 4 more hours to board my plane and still not arriving at my destination until tomorrow, hundreds of dollars spent, etc etc . when I received one of the most wonderful emails of my life.
An email from our adoption agency.
We have been invited to the introductory session for the process to adopt a second baby.
This means that we have begun the adoption process for a second baby. The process is rolling and we have been accepted!!
A SECOND baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.
This is HUGE. Its like receiving a BFP in Mexico.
Since the agency only accepts as many parents as they think they will have babies in fact this email means that we will be adoptive parents a second time once Josema turns 2 (April 21).
It means that once we complete all the courses and paper work in the coming months we will be put on the final waiting list in April and from there it could be any day.
Here I am complaining about having to spend my whole day at the airport due to having lost my flight and I receive the biggest gift from God. And in the end its a great thing since the group has only 16 spaces and you need to confirm as soon as you receive the email or the send you to the next goupr which could be many many months ahead.
But not only this.....
The date. THE DATE.
Its the very same one as the one when we became parents one year ago and it all has to do with Our Lady.
I have blogged that we received the call that we were parents on August 15th at night, day of the Assumption and picked Josemaria up on the 16th.
5 years before exactly DH and I had spent the night from the 15th to the 16th of August in Adoration in preparation for the Feast of the Assumption.
DH proposed to me in front of the altar and we consecrated ourselves to Her that very same night with a very special blessing by the priest that later married us.
And God granted us a baby on the very same day
Well this meeting that signals that we will be able to become parents again its on August 16th.
Here I am a crying mess at the Mexico City airport. All the problems of today are nothing compared to this news.
Thank you God! Thank you our Lady of Guadalupe!!!!
I was complaining to myself.... 4 more hours to board my plane and still not arriving at my destination until tomorrow, hundreds of dollars spent, etc etc . when I received one of the most wonderful emails of my life.
An email from our adoption agency.
We have been invited to the introductory session for the process to adopt a second baby.
This means that we have begun the adoption process for a second baby. The process is rolling and we have been accepted!!
A SECOND baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.
This is HUGE. Its like receiving a BFP in Mexico.
Since the agency only accepts as many parents as they think they will have babies in fact this email means that we will be adoptive parents a second time once Josema turns 2 (April 21).
It means that once we complete all the courses and paper work in the coming months we will be put on the final waiting list in April and from there it could be any day.
Here I am complaining about having to spend my whole day at the airport due to having lost my flight and I receive the biggest gift from God. And in the end its a great thing since the group has only 16 spaces and you need to confirm as soon as you receive the email or the send you to the next goupr which could be many many months ahead.
But not only this.....
The date. THE DATE.
Its the very same one as the one when we became parents one year ago and it all has to do with Our Lady.
I have blogged that we received the call that we were parents on August 15th at night, day of the Assumption and picked Josemaria up on the 16th.
5 years before exactly DH and I had spent the night from the 15th to the 16th of August in Adoration in preparation for the Feast of the Assumption.
DH proposed to me in front of the altar and we consecrated ourselves to Her that very same night with a very special blessing by the priest that later married us.
And God granted us a baby on the very same day
Well this meeting that signals that we will be able to become parents again its on August 16th.
Here I am a crying mess at the Mexico City airport. All the problems of today are nothing compared to this news.
Thank you God! Thank you our Lady of Guadalupe!!!!
Off to Fertility.ca.re meeting or so I thought (upadated)
Update:
I thought I was leaving today to Salt Lake City, but it was not to be. I am really , really trying to make lemonade out of lemons and try to focus on the days ahead . I do not know why, but every time I try to do something for Napro like this, I end up having trials. I do not want to think that its the bad guy testing me, but today I really really thought it was him making fun of me.
This morning I left home with enough time to reach the airport but I had with a broken heart.
I left a crying baby that yesterday was having a very hard time with teething (his only really bad day so far) and so I was full of stress on my way there. Luckily when I called again Josema was doing great and my parents had arrived to pick him up and he was all smiles.
I was so worried today that I called my mom very early even thinking of cancelling the trip, but in her wisdom she said she would take care of him as well as I could and she had three times the experience with teething that I had so not to worry. In my last call Josema was laughing and playing with my dad so I know he is in the best ever hands and also know that Josema does wonders for my parents. They really rejuvenate with him around.
Well I was all stress with all of this when on the way to the airport a truck carrying tiles had an accident and they closed 4 lanes out of 5 so what normally is a 45 minute ride took over 2 hours plus. Almost 3. The taxi ride was horrible, hot and the driver not very nice.
Well I lost my flight to Salt Lake city by 10 minutes.
And the odissey began.
I was travelling to Las Vegas first and then SLC. The first part of the trip with miles and the rest with money. I had been able to save hundreds of dollars by doing this and was very happy about it.... but when you lose a flight its the worst ever scenario.
So I had to deal with 2 airlines, one of which with terrible service (Del.ta) with a phone line that never answered in 3 hours and a very bad internet connection so I could not do anything online. Really horrible. So I had to stand in line for 45 minutes to try to fix it at one of the counters and then 2 times at the other airline.
After THREE hours I finally found a solution. The first one was to buy a new ticket, but it was 1,300 dollars!!!!!!!!!!! A non negotiable thing for us right now.
In the end I will fly to Las Vegas at 8 p.m tonight , arrive there at 10 p.m and spend the night at an airport hotel and leave 6:30 a.m to SLC. How I will wake up I do not know.
I will arrive at 8:50 am in time to attend the meetings. This means that I am spending my whole day at the airport today. It simply was more time to go back home and then come back again after all was sorted out.
Luckily I met with my friend B a couple of hours ago and she helped me out with the last part of the problems with the flights and then on our way to lunch I met with a former boss and was on his way to SLC. He is Mormon and by far the best ever boss.
He is very very nice and he took my mind of all of this and he ended up inviting B and me to lunch. A light on a dark day.
So I am off to the airport spa. I have a whole afternoon in front of me, almost no battery and did not bring enough to read and I will reach my destination in more than 18 hours.
I do not care how much it will cost cost (I do, but will close my eyes when the check comes ) and have a massage, do manicure and drink a very nice whiskey (my flight is business so I have access to the business lounge) and try to make lemonade out of lemons.
I just pray that the rest of the trip is better and not a signal of things to come.
My post today:
I am leaving in a few hours to my first FC.CA meeting in Salt Lake City. Meeting with many practitioners, Napro doctors and friends of the system is very, very exciting. Its my first time and its very exciting since it all came together at the very last minute.
Any bloggers attending? Please let me know or look for a crazy Mexican woman! hehehe. . I will be there with my dear friend B who has been working also tirelessly to bring this here and would LOVE to meet any bloggers. I know of only one coming, but I hope more will be there. (I am totally and absolutely bummed TCIE will not be there!!!!)
The last days have been hectic. Both my job and all related to Napro have been moving and shaking like crazy. Seems God wants to bring it Napro here NOW and also use my job to help.
Yesterday I received a very important call. Basically a very important person here wants to help bring Napro to Mexico ASAP (this person told me it was clear the Holy Spirit was at work and that she had to help in any way she could) and a couple of weeks ago we received also another very important call about it.
I cannot blog about it in detail, but please, please keep us in your prayers.
Its what I have been praying for the last 3 years of my life. It could be major for so many people struggling with IF and miscarriage.
On the other hand my job has many options to help non.profits and there is a strong chance that our adoption agency can get some support to help pregnant women in distress. I cannot participate in the process, but I can pray. Could you please keep it in your prayer list? Also could be major.
So off we go.
Salt Lake city here we come!!!!!
I thought I was leaving today to Salt Lake City, but it was not to be. I am really , really trying to make lemonade out of lemons and try to focus on the days ahead . I do not know why, but every time I try to do something for Napro like this, I end up having trials. I do not want to think that its the bad guy testing me, but today I really really thought it was him making fun of me.
This morning I left home with enough time to reach the airport but I had with a broken heart.
I left a crying baby that yesterday was having a very hard time with teething (his only really bad day so far) and so I was full of stress on my way there. Luckily when I called again Josema was doing great and my parents had arrived to pick him up and he was all smiles.
I was so worried today that I called my mom very early even thinking of cancelling the trip, but in her wisdom she said she would take care of him as well as I could and she had three times the experience with teething that I had so not to worry. In my last call Josema was laughing and playing with my dad so I know he is in the best ever hands and also know that Josema does wonders for my parents. They really rejuvenate with him around.
Well I was all stress with all of this when on the way to the airport a truck carrying tiles had an accident and they closed 4 lanes out of 5 so what normally is a 45 minute ride took over 2 hours plus. Almost 3. The taxi ride was horrible, hot and the driver not very nice.
Well I lost my flight to Salt Lake city by 10 minutes.
And the odissey began.
I was travelling to Las Vegas first and then SLC. The first part of the trip with miles and the rest with money. I had been able to save hundreds of dollars by doing this and was very happy about it.... but when you lose a flight its the worst ever scenario.
So I had to deal with 2 airlines, one of which with terrible service (Del.ta) with a phone line that never answered in 3 hours and a very bad internet connection so I could not do anything online. Really horrible. So I had to stand in line for 45 minutes to try to fix it at one of the counters and then 2 times at the other airline.
After THREE hours I finally found a solution. The first one was to buy a new ticket, but it was 1,300 dollars!!!!!!!!!!! A non negotiable thing for us right now.
In the end I will fly to Las Vegas at 8 p.m tonight , arrive there at 10 p.m and spend the night at an airport hotel and leave 6:30 a.m to SLC. How I will wake up I do not know.
I will arrive at 8:50 am in time to attend the meetings. This means that I am spending my whole day at the airport today. It simply was more time to go back home and then come back again after all was sorted out.
Luckily I met with my friend B a couple of hours ago and she helped me out with the last part of the problems with the flights and then on our way to lunch I met with a former boss and was on his way to SLC. He is Mormon and by far the best ever boss.
He is very very nice and he took my mind of all of this and he ended up inviting B and me to lunch. A light on a dark day.
So I am off to the airport spa. I have a whole afternoon in front of me, almost no battery and did not bring enough to read and I will reach my destination in more than 18 hours.
I do not care how much it will cost cost (I do, but will close my eyes when the check comes ) and have a massage, do manicure and drink a very nice whiskey (my flight is business so I have access to the business lounge) and try to make lemonade out of lemons.
I just pray that the rest of the trip is better and not a signal of things to come.
My post today:
I am leaving in a few hours to my first FC.CA meeting in Salt Lake City. Meeting with many practitioners, Napro doctors and friends of the system is very, very exciting. Its my first time and its very exciting since it all came together at the very last minute.
Any bloggers attending? Please let me know or look for a crazy Mexican woman! hehehe. . I will be there with my dear friend B who has been working also tirelessly to bring this here and would LOVE to meet any bloggers. I know of only one coming, but I hope more will be there. (I am totally and absolutely bummed TCIE will not be there!!!!)
The last days have been hectic. Both my job and all related to Napro have been moving and shaking like crazy. Seems God wants to bring it Napro here NOW and also use my job to help.
Yesterday I received a very important call. Basically a very important person here wants to help bring Napro to Mexico ASAP (this person told me it was clear the Holy Spirit was at work and that she had to help in any way she could) and a couple of weeks ago we received also another very important call about it.
I cannot blog about it in detail, but please, please keep us in your prayers.
Its what I have been praying for the last 3 years of my life. It could be major for so many people struggling with IF and miscarriage.
On the other hand my job has many options to help non.profits and there is a strong chance that our adoption agency can get some support to help pregnant women in distress. I cannot participate in the process, but I can pray. Could you please keep it in your prayer list? Also could be major.
So off we go.
Salt Lake city here we come!!!!!
Monday, July 9, 2012
A new plan, thanks God!
I just hung up with the gian.na cen. ter. Back in April by a series of Godincidences I had ended up having an appointment with them without even planning and today also with no planning I had an appointment with them that gave me enormous peace.
I feel truly that God is with us giving us signs not to give up in our quest to build our family and feel peace which I had not felt about this in a long time.
By a miracle I was able to talk to them today. I actually sent the translation of my test results Friday afternoon and today I received an email that we could talk today midday. I was speechless since when I looked at their calendar they did not have appointments until the end of the month. I was bummed when I saw this and it made things almost impossible for me since it meant having to struggle to bring any medicines from the USA in the next months .
This call today means I will be able to bring my medicines from the USA the very next week when I return from the FCCA meeting (the meeting where all practitioners and doctors meet) in Utha this week.
The doctor was caring, took a lot of time to explains things to me and was open to my questions. We had a brief discussion on Thyroid and maybe in the future I will go on Armour which she prefers to T3 (which Dr, H prefers). I am very open to trying new things. I have been on the same things forever and I am dead tired for them and seeing no results.
So the game plan is very different from what I have normally been doing. I am actually very surprised since everything seemed so normal, yet she thinks my case its a question of several little things off rather than one big one.
The end message from her: There as just subtle things that off from the hormonal point of view, nothing big and I seem to be ovulating fine and your DH is now considered to be normal. Your charts and hormones continue to be very good despite your age and if we adjust and correct those little things you could conceive again. I have hope for you and would tell you to stop otherwise or contain my enthusiasm, but I think you have at least a couple of good years to continue trying and there is good reason to hope.
I felt an enormous peace from this knowing that it had been a very good idea to fight for answers and to have the peace of mind that I had done everything I could.
In summary the plan in case anybody can have ideas from it:
TSH on P+7 is 4, higher than they like to see (which is 2) and while she does not share Dr, H viewpoint on T3 she agreed to keep me on T3. but adding T4 25 mcg. I will need to do P+7 TSH each month to see where we are.
Low vitamin D: She will put me on prescription vitamin d 50,000 IU for 3 months and then I will go on 2,000 IU a day.
My P+7 estrogen and progesterone are too high from a fertility perspective so she wants me to lower my HCG to 1,000 IU P+3, P+5 and P+7.
Then my estrogen pre peak curve is a little bit on the low side and she also thinks that my U/S is on the limit of normal (I have a beautiful follicle that grows to perfect size, but when it decreases it does to the limit, so she cannot be sure it breaks fully or in the manner they like) So to accomplish both making my estrogen higher and having a better follicle that breaks she wants me on Clomid 1/2 tablet days 3, 4 and 5 of each cycle. I will also need to do U/S each month to see the rupture.
I feel a lot of peace from this call. I know I have done all possible and now its up to God.
I feel truly that God is with us giving us signs not to give up in our quest to build our family and feel peace which I had not felt about this in a long time.
By a miracle I was able to talk to them today. I actually sent the translation of my test results Friday afternoon and today I received an email that we could talk today midday. I was speechless since when I looked at their calendar they did not have appointments until the end of the month. I was bummed when I saw this and it made things almost impossible for me since it meant having to struggle to bring any medicines from the USA in the next months .
This call today means I will be able to bring my medicines from the USA the very next week when I return from the FCCA meeting (the meeting where all practitioners and doctors meet) in Utha this week.
The doctor was caring, took a lot of time to explains things to me and was open to my questions. We had a brief discussion on Thyroid and maybe in the future I will go on Armour which she prefers to T3 (which Dr, H prefers). I am very open to trying new things. I have been on the same things forever and I am dead tired for them and seeing no results.
So the game plan is very different from what I have normally been doing. I am actually very surprised since everything seemed so normal, yet she thinks my case its a question of several little things off rather than one big one.
The end message from her: There as just subtle things that off from the hormonal point of view, nothing big and I seem to be ovulating fine and your DH is now considered to be normal. Your charts and hormones continue to be very good despite your age and if we adjust and correct those little things you could conceive again. I have hope for you and would tell you to stop otherwise or contain my enthusiasm, but I think you have at least a couple of good years to continue trying and there is good reason to hope.
I felt an enormous peace from this knowing that it had been a very good idea to fight for answers and to have the peace of mind that I had done everything I could.
In summary the plan in case anybody can have ideas from it:
TSH on P+7 is 4, higher than they like to see (which is 2) and while she does not share Dr, H viewpoint on T3 she agreed to keep me on T3. but adding T4 25 mcg. I will need to do P+7 TSH each month to see where we are.
Low vitamin D: She will put me on prescription vitamin d 50,000 IU for 3 months and then I will go on 2,000 IU a day.
My P+7 estrogen and progesterone are too high from a fertility perspective so she wants me to lower my HCG to 1,000 IU P+3, P+5 and P+7.
Then my estrogen pre peak curve is a little bit on the low side and she also thinks that my U/S is on the limit of normal (I have a beautiful follicle that grows to perfect size, but when it decreases it does to the limit, so she cannot be sure it breaks fully or in the manner they like) So to accomplish both making my estrogen higher and having a better follicle that breaks she wants me on Clomid 1/2 tablet days 3, 4 and 5 of each cycle. I will also need to do U/S each month to see the rupture.
I feel a lot of peace from this call. I know I have done all possible and now its up to God.
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