Hi!
I have a one hour appointment on Friday with my .functi.onal medi.cine nutritionist and on Saturday with the acupuncturist that I mentioned in my previous post. I received many questions and interest via email about my last póst and so I thought it would be interesting to ask them your questions if possible.
Both are extremely well versed in thyroid issues, adrenal fatigue, spleen chi deficiency (one of the main causes of IF according to TCM ), allergies and all kinds of complementary medicine for IF.
I guess they think I am an interesting patient, because I ask them all the time and read a lot about their work and both have taken a lot of time with me discussing their viewpoints. The acupuncturist even told me nobody asked him these types of questions and that he had a lot of fun with me. I hope he meant it in a nice way!
The nice thing about both it that they are trained in western medicine (the acupuncturist is actually as I mentioned a neurologist), yet have opened their eyes to helping the body heal in another way.
For example the acupuncturist explained to me the reasoning behind not doing a lot of excercise during menses and why for the chinese it was crucial. Its because the energy to really clean the uterus during this time is redirected to the muscles and therefore the uterus cannot be completly emptied if you excercise a lot during this time, the body lacks the force to do it. I found this fascinating.
I also asked him why all the TCM diets for IF emphasized not eating cold foods. He explained that digestion is a main function of the body and by having cold foods your digestive system needs to use energy to warm the food and so redirects once again the energy towards this. Since reproduction is not a vital function the energy that would have been directed there is redirected to the digestive syste,
I also asked him why many people recommend castor oil packs between menses and ovulation. He told me that is a way to detox and lessen inflammation prior to ovulation. they can even heal cysts this way. He told me that it has amazing healing powers and that the original name denotes its importance in the medieval ages. The name is : Palm of Christ for its palm-shaped leaves and incredible healing power, god like.
Regarding the nutritionist functional medicine really belives in adrenal fatigue and the need to cure it via complementary therapies rather than only hydro cort use. For example they use some of the following supplements a lot: Q 10 for fatigue (you need 400 mgs minimum to feel anything and have it with oil), Magnesium citrate (for muscle relaxation and better digestion, it helps with sleep) etc
For thyroid: really focus on eliminating any type of chlorine from your life (drinking water), and many other things.
For older mothers: high doses of folic acid (even up to 4,000 mcgs to prevent birth defects), detox therapies prior to the conception cycles, etc.
I will have enough time to ask many questions and wanted to offer to bring your questions with me and have their viewpoint. They must be related to the issues mentioned above or in my previous post for it to make sense that I ask them =)
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
On thyroids, diets and acupuncture
The last weeks has been very busy not only because we will be adopting soon, but also since my health has taken a lot of my time as I try to prepare for the months ahead where most probably we will have a baby at home! I will need my energy!!!
I need to be strong and healthy and not only in case we get also pregnant again, but to be the very best mother to this baby and live a long time! I am keenly aware that I will be a mother of a teen ager in my post menopausal years and most probably will have a person living at home in my 60s (In Mexico we still mostly at home until we get married, not all, but still a very large percentage of people)
So I decided to get a clean bill of health during this wait and also to help in case God also decides that we are to become biological parents. This was 3 weeks ago.
I know I will be an older mother now being approved for adoption and I want to make the best of my health at 40. So I went back to the nutritionist I had been using when I became pregnant since I truly felt at my peak and restarted acupuncture.
These nutritionists are experts in something called Functional Medicine which takes adrenal fatigue, thyroid issues and many things related to Napro very seriously. Also allergies, inflammation, the works. They do vitamin, allergy, candida etc testing.
For the initial consult the nutritionist put me on a very special machine that determined my muscle mass, my fat percentage, my use of water, etc. you stand there with your hands in some electrodes and in a few minutes you get a very complete profile. One which I have tested with other doctors using other methods and its always the same, so I have learned to trust this machine.
The news were not good, actually very bad. Despite me using a size 8/10 and being at the limit of my ideal BMI (I am at 24.8, 25 is overweight) I have a very high percentage of fat and very, very low level of muscle. So much that it put me in the very obese category. Yikes!!!!
All has to do with my thyroid. When you are hypothyroid you lose muscle mass and gain fat and more if you do not exercise and even more with adrenal fatigue. My metabolism has slowed down a lot at 1380 calories a day. I am a typical case according to what she explained.
So my task for the next months: Fight inflammation with the anti inflammatory diet, limit those things that I know I have a sensitivity to (wheat, milk, vanilla, pepper), build tons of muscle mass via exercise (mainly weights) and lose the fat via aerobic exercise. I am now a Cur.ves convert. This is the very best exercise of me right now in which I need both weight bearing and aerobics in slow amounts until I build endurance. I have been doing it for almost 3 weeks now and I feel great. I will retest soon my muscle and fat ratio and hopefully there will be a change.
I basically need to lose: 9 kilos of fat and gain around 5 or more in muscle. I cannot lose any, any muscle since it would make it even harder to lose weight. Not an easy feat! 9 kilos is about 20 pounds. To me 9 kilos sounds much better than 20 pounds! Haha! But both are horrible.
The funny thing is: My blood pressure is that of an athlete. I have tons of good cholesterol and very low amount of the bad (my Mexican genes). My heart disease probability is actually very, very low. No sugar issues, nothing, nada to signal that I have this problem.
Also fat is not good for TTC since it makes hormones funny.
She also gave me some supplements that when I reviewed my book Fertilty, Cycles and nutrition are very similar. Q10, high doses of folic acid, B6, zinc, Omega 3, etc,
IF somebody is interested in this I can do a blog entry about it and the reasons behind each one in thyroid conditions and older mothers.
As I have blogged before we are completely open to life and actually TTC.
Let me explain: For me TTC at this moment in life where we are also adopting is taking the medicines that make my life better so I am actually taking very few for this specific purpose and also using days of fertility.
Only clo.mid in very very low doses which should make my eggs better in case we conceive again and B6 are my specific TTC medicines. That is it. All the rest are my normal medicines for adrenal fatigue, against PMS (HCG) and thyroid.
After the 4 months of horrible health following my miscarriage and the other 4 months of horrible cycles and infection signs Dr,. H has given us again the permission to TTC since March/ April and we have used a few days of fertility since. My cycles have become much better and there are all the signs that I am ovulating. Great P+7 results (consistently over 25), yet I am again feeling tired which is not a good sign.
I recognize the symptoms and I was asked to retest again for my thyroid.
Even on medication it did not come out great. T4 is very low. 1.9 in a range of 4.5 to 12 and my TSH is 0.42 out of a range of 0.49 to 4.67. So I am waiting for PPVI to provide me with instructions.
Also this cycle I again had Tail end brown bleeding which I had never seen in my life, only in the cycles following the miscarriage. So DH and I are again on Bia.xin which I hate since it kills with the bad all the good gut bacteria. Last time I had candida, not nice.
On the acupuncture front my grief counselor recommended a doctor to me after I told her I loved it and after several months of waiting he had an opening three weeks ago. Just in time for my health overhaul. This doctor is amazing and I really liked him since the beginning.
I love acupuncture since I had an incredible experience of it in China (they actually diagnosed me with a thyroid condition years before anybody could find a thing. Many western doctors said I was only stressed, when I fact I was fighting continous infections, horrible tiredness, weight gain,,,etc etc. It took the doctor only 5 minutes of taking my pulses and seeing my tongue to say that I had a thyroid issue. Only Dr. H was able to find it after many blood tests)
Well this Mexican doctor is actually a neurologist that witnessed an open head surgery here using no anesthesia and only needles. The patient got up right after the operation and walked. He was an instant convert and decided to travel to China and study 8 more years and then came back to open his practice.
Well this man is so well known that he closes his agenda for months and then only opens when the former patients are cured. I spoke with many people in his waiting room and heard the most amazing stories of healing. Wounds that would not heal healed after only a few treatments, asthma completely cured, etc. It was really incredible.
Still I was cautious when we met not knowing what to expect. Well he read my pulses and said I was Ok hormonally, but my thyroid needed some help and that my main problem TTC was mechanical. Blood flow issues.
And he reminded me that I needed to lose weight,. Yikes again.
Regarding the thyroid he said he would help me with the needles and then he began to explain to me that a thyroid condition was also in part due to lack of expressing ones feelings. That sometimes it happened in strong people that supported the rest of the persons without taking care of themselves and their needs or after a lot of grief. Both things made sense to me and he told me the thyroid thing without me even telling him so I was very impressed.
Regarding the blood flow thing. Well he told me that I had a couple of vertrebrae that had moved near the top of my back and that were obstructing the blood/energy flow to my uterus. That this actually was the cause of my miscarriage . He did not look at my back, he did not ask me to stand up, he just felt the pulses in my body.
Well he is correct and my mouth almost fell to the ground when he told me.
I have a slight deviation in the vertebrae he mentioned. One that my father also has.
Actually you can feel it and Western doctors have told me this after X rays (I have horrible posture and my mom wanted to check all was OK. They told me they could not do a thing).
Well he told me that he would needle the adjacent muscles and gradually shift the vertebrae using the muscles. Since he is a neurologist also he mentioned many things in western terms mixing them with eastern ones and I was fascinated.
I went again to him last Friday for the 3rd time and he said I was doing much better. Luckily many people canceled that day due to rain I think and we got to spend almost an hour talking. He mentioned to me that my chances of pregnancy were high since my hormones were very good still, I was ovulating regularly and that Dr. H had cured me of what western medicine could. My thyroid needed some help and also my blood flow, but in some weeks all would be resolved. I do not want to get my hopes up too much, but its really nice to hear that there is still hope.
The Western pro IVF culture would say I need donor eggs or ICSI or a surrogate mother since I have had only one pregnancy and a miscarriage, I am over 40 and we have male issues..
To hear the words healing, natural , the body knows, is great and what I love about the Napro and Eastern approach.
He also told me that my kidney was compromised in this last appointment. He really scared me and he then smelled my wrist, saying that compromised kidneys give funny smells. Specifically that my kidneys were working over time.
Then I told him I was taking antibiotics and he smiled. He said this was causing the kidneys to have issues since they need to filter the medicines and all would be well once I ended this dose. I was again amazed. How on earth did he know this?
He was very interested in Napro and said it made a lot of sense to him and he is also against IVF and he explained why.
He said that nature has a way of selecting the very best and the egg and mucus help select the best sperm. That man cannot possibly do it.
Well in IVF its man, in a lab, doing this and this is causing havoc in the children conceived this way. There is no natural selection of the best sperm and even egg when many are produced and this will in turn cause many children to be born with many issues, issues that we are not seeing right now, but that we will see in this generation or the next. He said that we cannot even imagine what we are doing by circumventing nature.
No religious reasons whatsoever, just by observing nature you can achieve this conclusion is what he told me.
I will blog later about more of this in case anybody is interested.
I need to be strong and healthy and not only in case we get also pregnant again, but to be the very best mother to this baby and live a long time! I am keenly aware that I will be a mother of a teen ager in my post menopausal years and most probably will have a person living at home in my 60s (In Mexico we still mostly at home until we get married, not all, but still a very large percentage of people)
So I decided to get a clean bill of health during this wait and also to help in case God also decides that we are to become biological parents. This was 3 weeks ago.
I know I will be an older mother now being approved for adoption and I want to make the best of my health at 40. So I went back to the nutritionist I had been using when I became pregnant since I truly felt at my peak and restarted acupuncture.
These nutritionists are experts in something called Functional Medicine which takes adrenal fatigue, thyroid issues and many things related to Napro very seriously. Also allergies, inflammation, the works. They do vitamin, allergy, candida etc testing.
For the initial consult the nutritionist put me on a very special machine that determined my muscle mass, my fat percentage, my use of water, etc. you stand there with your hands in some electrodes and in a few minutes you get a very complete profile. One which I have tested with other doctors using other methods and its always the same, so I have learned to trust this machine.
The news were not good, actually very bad. Despite me using a size 8/10 and being at the limit of my ideal BMI (I am at 24.8, 25 is overweight) I have a very high percentage of fat and very, very low level of muscle. So much that it put me in the very obese category. Yikes!!!!
All has to do with my thyroid. When you are hypothyroid you lose muscle mass and gain fat and more if you do not exercise and even more with adrenal fatigue. My metabolism has slowed down a lot at 1380 calories a day. I am a typical case according to what she explained.
So my task for the next months: Fight inflammation with the anti inflammatory diet, limit those things that I know I have a sensitivity to (wheat, milk, vanilla, pepper), build tons of muscle mass via exercise (mainly weights) and lose the fat via aerobic exercise. I am now a Cur.ves convert. This is the very best exercise of me right now in which I need both weight bearing and aerobics in slow amounts until I build endurance. I have been doing it for almost 3 weeks now and I feel great. I will retest soon my muscle and fat ratio and hopefully there will be a change.
I basically need to lose: 9 kilos of fat and gain around 5 or more in muscle. I cannot lose any, any muscle since it would make it even harder to lose weight. Not an easy feat! 9 kilos is about 20 pounds. To me 9 kilos sounds much better than 20 pounds! Haha! But both are horrible.
The funny thing is: My blood pressure is that of an athlete. I have tons of good cholesterol and very low amount of the bad (my Mexican genes). My heart disease probability is actually very, very low. No sugar issues, nothing, nada to signal that I have this problem.
Also fat is not good for TTC since it makes hormones funny.
She also gave me some supplements that when I reviewed my book Fertilty, Cycles and nutrition are very similar. Q10, high doses of folic acid, B6, zinc, Omega 3, etc,
IF somebody is interested in this I can do a blog entry about it and the reasons behind each one in thyroid conditions and older mothers.
As I have blogged before we are completely open to life and actually TTC.
Let me explain: For me TTC at this moment in life where we are also adopting is taking the medicines that make my life better so I am actually taking very few for this specific purpose and also using days of fertility.
Only clo.mid in very very low doses which should make my eggs better in case we conceive again and B6 are my specific TTC medicines. That is it. All the rest are my normal medicines for adrenal fatigue, against PMS (HCG) and thyroid.
After the 4 months of horrible health following my miscarriage and the other 4 months of horrible cycles and infection signs Dr,. H has given us again the permission to TTC since March/ April and we have used a few days of fertility since. My cycles have become much better and there are all the signs that I am ovulating. Great P+7 results (consistently over 25), yet I am again feeling tired which is not a good sign.
I recognize the symptoms and I was asked to retest again for my thyroid.
Even on medication it did not come out great. T4 is very low. 1.9 in a range of 4.5 to 12 and my TSH is 0.42 out of a range of 0.49 to 4.67. So I am waiting for PPVI to provide me with instructions.
Also this cycle I again had Tail end brown bleeding which I had never seen in my life, only in the cycles following the miscarriage. So DH and I are again on Bia.xin which I hate since it kills with the bad all the good gut bacteria. Last time I had candida, not nice.
On the acupuncture front my grief counselor recommended a doctor to me after I told her I loved it and after several months of waiting he had an opening three weeks ago. Just in time for my health overhaul. This doctor is amazing and I really liked him since the beginning.
I love acupuncture since I had an incredible experience of it in China (they actually diagnosed me with a thyroid condition years before anybody could find a thing. Many western doctors said I was only stressed, when I fact I was fighting continous infections, horrible tiredness, weight gain,,,etc etc. It took the doctor only 5 minutes of taking my pulses and seeing my tongue to say that I had a thyroid issue. Only Dr. H was able to find it after many blood tests)
Well this Mexican doctor is actually a neurologist that witnessed an open head surgery here using no anesthesia and only needles. The patient got up right after the operation and walked. He was an instant convert and decided to travel to China and study 8 more years and then came back to open his practice.
Well this man is so well known that he closes his agenda for months and then only opens when the former patients are cured. I spoke with many people in his waiting room and heard the most amazing stories of healing. Wounds that would not heal healed after only a few treatments, asthma completely cured, etc. It was really incredible.
Still I was cautious when we met not knowing what to expect. Well he read my pulses and said I was Ok hormonally, but my thyroid needed some help and that my main problem TTC was mechanical. Blood flow issues.
And he reminded me that I needed to lose weight,. Yikes again.
Regarding the thyroid he said he would help me with the needles and then he began to explain to me that a thyroid condition was also in part due to lack of expressing ones feelings. That sometimes it happened in strong people that supported the rest of the persons without taking care of themselves and their needs or after a lot of grief. Both things made sense to me and he told me the thyroid thing without me even telling him so I was very impressed.
Regarding the blood flow thing. Well he told me that I had a couple of vertrebrae that had moved near the top of my back and that were obstructing the blood/energy flow to my uterus. That this actually was the cause of my miscarriage . He did not look at my back, he did not ask me to stand up, he just felt the pulses in my body.
Well he is correct and my mouth almost fell to the ground when he told me.
I have a slight deviation in the vertebrae he mentioned. One that my father also has.
Actually you can feel it and Western doctors have told me this after X rays (I have horrible posture and my mom wanted to check all was OK. They told me they could not do a thing).
Well he told me that he would needle the adjacent muscles and gradually shift the vertebrae using the muscles. Since he is a neurologist also he mentioned many things in western terms mixing them with eastern ones and I was fascinated.
I went again to him last Friday for the 3rd time and he said I was doing much better. Luckily many people canceled that day due to rain I think and we got to spend almost an hour talking. He mentioned to me that my chances of pregnancy were high since my hormones were very good still, I was ovulating regularly and that Dr. H had cured me of what western medicine could. My thyroid needed some help and also my blood flow, but in some weeks all would be resolved. I do not want to get my hopes up too much, but its really nice to hear that there is still hope.
The Western pro IVF culture would say I need donor eggs or ICSI or a surrogate mother since I have had only one pregnancy and a miscarriage, I am over 40 and we have male issues..
To hear the words healing, natural , the body knows, is great and what I love about the Napro and Eastern approach.
He also told me that my kidney was compromised in this last appointment. He really scared me and he then smelled my wrist, saying that compromised kidneys give funny smells. Specifically that my kidneys were working over time.
Then I told him I was taking antibiotics and he smiled. He said this was causing the kidneys to have issues since they need to filter the medicines and all would be well once I ended this dose. I was again amazed. How on earth did he know this?
He was very interested in Napro and said it made a lot of sense to him and he is also against IVF and he explained why.
He said that nature has a way of selecting the very best and the egg and mucus help select the best sperm. That man cannot possibly do it.
Well in IVF its man, in a lab, doing this and this is causing havoc in the children conceived this way. There is no natural selection of the best sperm and even egg when many are produced and this will in turn cause many children to be born with many issues, issues that we are not seeing right now, but that we will see in this generation or the next. He said that we cannot even imagine what we are doing by circumventing nature.
No religious reasons whatsoever, just by observing nature you can achieve this conclusion is what he told me.
I will blog later about more of this in case anybody is interested.
Monday, June 20, 2011
Heartbroken on Father´s day
My heart is still numb after Saturday. What should have been a very happy weekend turned into a reminder of our IF and that not everybody is as ex ited as us about our adoption.
We are ecstatic that we are about to adopt and all is well in this regard. I do not want anybody to misunderstand this, yet something happened this last Satuday that made clear how fragile we still are regarding our IF and what is about to happen and about our families.
Its also a stressful time and I am sure my heart is far more sensitive than normal. I get emotional with many things quite unexpectedly, yet I really think that my feelings last Saturday were not out of proportion.
Sunday also was Father´s day here in Mexico and we decided to invite my FIL for lunch at home on Saturday.
We wanted to celebrate him and we also wanted to have the chance to celebrate our coming adoption with him. A pre fathers day celebration for my DH also.
We told him as much.
It was not to be.
My DH had already shared with my FIL that we had been accepted. He said he was happy and that he was eagerly awaiting the coming of his latest grandchild.
But it was a very cautious congratulations, like it was not real to him and he did not even congratulate me. Only my DH with a few words. My DH was hurt, yet decided on Saturday to emphasise to him that the baby was real and it was coming.
I am sure he did not want to get his hopes up to much, he really does not know what to expect and he is still afraid. Adoption is not something that he really understands and he does not know how to behave around us regarding this subject.
My DH is the good son and perhaps the closest to him. The only one he confides in and the only one trusts with everything, money, information, etc. My DH is the middle child of 5. Four boys and then one girl.
Both my FIL and my MIL always said that he is the gentlest, the most loving of all their children. He is the one that brings peace to everybody. Both told me time and time again that he was very, very special in their hearts and that they felt they could trust him with anything.
My political family is very outspoken and loud and my DH is quiet so he kind of gets lost in the noise. Yet everybody knows when he is hurting and they know that our IF has been a very very heavy cross.
Since he is one that always was close to God, the faithful one, the only one that really follows the Church nobody can comprehend why he was asked to carry the IF cross. He of all of them.
Our IF is the big elephant in the room.
Nobody speaks about it and nobody asks.
This very noisy family does not say anything.
We only knew how much they worried about us when we announced our pregnancy.
Most of them cried of happiness, but when we lost Miguel there was silence. Nobody knew what to say and I can understand it, yet it hurts.
Our adoption has not been discussed much and we also have not shared perhaps enough, but we were not sure how everything would turn out and we wanted to wait until we had confirmation. Miscarriage does this to you I have learned.
We wanted to celebrate with all of them this weekend. Openly and shout it from the rooftops that we were going to be parents really soon
On Saturday we were beginning with my FIL since we wanted to make sure he understood 100% that a baby was on its way.
That we will have a baby in our family in the coming days or weeks or months and its 100% it will happen. Its really like we were pregnant and about to leave for the hospital
As we were sitting down to speak about everything in detail (we had begun previously, but wanted to answer any of his doubts) and to celebrate in earnest my DH got up to answer a call from a repairman and my FIL received an unexpected call.
It was a call from Europe, where my BIL is currently living. This is the BIL that was married to another person and during the divorce proceedings got his girlfriend of 3 weeks pregnant.
Right after he got divorced they got married hastily and now have a beautiful 2 year old.
Well….. they had just gotten news from a HPT that they were again expecting. On what they say is their first try in their new country to which they moved to 4 weeks ago.
They even sent that same afternoon the photo of their test saying PREGNANT and now my email is filled with comments and congratulations.
This of course always hurts deep down in our hearts where our IF has cost us so much emotionally, financially and spiritually and where nothing has been easy, but what really hurt us was my FIL reaction.
The pain of news like this is much less than before, but it still there and I cannot deny it.
My DH was truly happy for his brother, yet the reaction that accompanied the news by my FIl broke his heart.
I have never seen him happier.
Never.
This screams could be heard from several houses away.
Only here I can say how much the words: "she always does everything at the right time" hurt my IF heart.
The contrast to this reaction and to our news was like night and day. One filled with fear, not really wanting to hope and one that did not have any doubts that everything would be perfect again.
I cannot share this with anybody, but here. Nobody I think would really understand how this hurt me and my DH specially.
How I did not end up crying devastated right then and there I do not know. It hurt me to the deepest of my heart to see my DH suffer that his own father could not celebrate equally our adoption.
We ended up not speaking about our adoption. About our baby.
My FIL suddenly got up and said he needed to leave. HE had to pack for a trip on Monday. No questions about us, no continued conversation. Our conversation was completly forgotten and all he could talk about was this pregnancy.
My DH was devastated.
Why could not be he as happy about our news?
About his good son having a baby?
I can completly understand that he would be happy about a new baby, anybody would and I can say that my DH really was for his brother, but this reaction was so much in contrast to his news that he had no words and then the words that my BILs wife always did everything at the rigth time hurt him deeply and specially knowing how I would later feel.
The son that has never ever failed him. The one that has suffered in silence for 4 full years.
Why this happened at the very same time that we wanted to celebrate with my FIL, the very same day that my DH wanted to officially announce to his family that after 4 years of the most horrible trials and sufferings he was going to be a father I do not know.
After my FIl left the tears did not stop.
We are ecstatic that we are about to adopt and all is well in this regard. I do not want anybody to misunderstand this, yet something happened this last Satuday that made clear how fragile we still are regarding our IF and what is about to happen and about our families.
Its also a stressful time and I am sure my heart is far more sensitive than normal. I get emotional with many things quite unexpectedly, yet I really think that my feelings last Saturday were not out of proportion.
Sunday also was Father´s day here in Mexico and we decided to invite my FIL for lunch at home on Saturday.
We wanted to celebrate him and we also wanted to have the chance to celebrate our coming adoption with him. A pre fathers day celebration for my DH also.
We told him as much.
It was not to be.
My DH had already shared with my FIL that we had been accepted. He said he was happy and that he was eagerly awaiting the coming of his latest grandchild.
But it was a very cautious congratulations, like it was not real to him and he did not even congratulate me. Only my DH with a few words. My DH was hurt, yet decided on Saturday to emphasise to him that the baby was real and it was coming.
I am sure he did not want to get his hopes up to much, he really does not know what to expect and he is still afraid. Adoption is not something that he really understands and he does not know how to behave around us regarding this subject.
My DH is the good son and perhaps the closest to him. The only one he confides in and the only one trusts with everything, money, information, etc. My DH is the middle child of 5. Four boys and then one girl.
Both my FIL and my MIL always said that he is the gentlest, the most loving of all their children. He is the one that brings peace to everybody. Both told me time and time again that he was very, very special in their hearts and that they felt they could trust him with anything.
My political family is very outspoken and loud and my DH is quiet so he kind of gets lost in the noise. Yet everybody knows when he is hurting and they know that our IF has been a very very heavy cross.
Since he is one that always was close to God, the faithful one, the only one that really follows the Church nobody can comprehend why he was asked to carry the IF cross. He of all of them.
Our IF is the big elephant in the room.
Nobody speaks about it and nobody asks.
This very noisy family does not say anything.
We only knew how much they worried about us when we announced our pregnancy.
Most of them cried of happiness, but when we lost Miguel there was silence. Nobody knew what to say and I can understand it, yet it hurts.
Our adoption has not been discussed much and we also have not shared perhaps enough, but we were not sure how everything would turn out and we wanted to wait until we had confirmation. Miscarriage does this to you I have learned.
We wanted to celebrate with all of them this weekend. Openly and shout it from the rooftops that we were going to be parents really soon
On Saturday we were beginning with my FIL since we wanted to make sure he understood 100% that a baby was on its way.
That we will have a baby in our family in the coming days or weeks or months and its 100% it will happen. Its really like we were pregnant and about to leave for the hospital
As we were sitting down to speak about everything in detail (we had begun previously, but wanted to answer any of his doubts) and to celebrate in earnest my DH got up to answer a call from a repairman and my FIL received an unexpected call.
It was a call from Europe, where my BIL is currently living. This is the BIL that was married to another person and during the divorce proceedings got his girlfriend of 3 weeks pregnant.
Right after he got divorced they got married hastily and now have a beautiful 2 year old.
Well….. they had just gotten news from a HPT that they were again expecting. On what they say is their first try in their new country to which they moved to 4 weeks ago.
They even sent that same afternoon the photo of their test saying PREGNANT and now my email is filled with comments and congratulations.
This of course always hurts deep down in our hearts where our IF has cost us so much emotionally, financially and spiritually and where nothing has been easy, but what really hurt us was my FIL reaction.
The pain of news like this is much less than before, but it still there and I cannot deny it.
My DH was truly happy for his brother, yet the reaction that accompanied the news by my FIl broke his heart.
As my BIL told him the news my FIL began to scream, cry and shout from the rooftops that he was ecstatic, so very happy and proud of them. It was like forever. That they had made him so very, very proud. He even mentioned that X, BIL´s, wife was amazing, that she always did things at the right time.
I have never seen him happier.
Never.
This screams could be heard from several houses away.
Only here I can say how much the words: "she always does everything at the right time" hurt my IF heart.
The contrast to this reaction and to our news was like night and day. One filled with fear, not really wanting to hope and one that did not have any doubts that everything would be perfect again.
I cannot share this with anybody, but here. Nobody I think would really understand how this hurt me and my DH specially.
How I did not end up crying devastated right then and there I do not know. It hurt me to the deepest of my heart to see my DH suffer that his own father could not celebrate equally our adoption.
We ended up not speaking about our adoption. About our baby.
My FIL suddenly got up and said he needed to leave. HE had to pack for a trip on Monday. No questions about us, no continued conversation. Our conversation was completly forgotten and all he could talk about was this pregnancy.
My DH was devastated.
Why could not be he as happy about our news?
About his good son having a baby?
I can completly understand that he would be happy about a new baby, anybody would and I can say that my DH really was for his brother, but this reaction was so much in contrast to his news that he had no words and then the words that my BILs wife always did everything at the rigth time hurt him deeply and specially knowing how I would later feel.
The son that has never ever failed him. The one that has suffered in silence for 4 full years.
Why this happened at the very same time that we wanted to celebrate with my FIL, the very same day that my DH wanted to officially announce to his family that after 4 years of the most horrible trials and sufferings he was going to be a father I do not know.
After my FIl left the tears did not stop.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
We have got news!
I am writing this from my office. My eyes are filled with tears and my heart with gratitude to God and to all of you that have been such an important part of this journey.
Thank you so very very much for your prayers.
We felt so surrounded by love that I have no words and all the prayers truly helped us survive the last days filled with anxiety..
We are going to be parents of a baby very soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We have been approved by our agency to adopt!!!!!!!!!!!
But not only this: Without our knowledge the agency submitted all our papers to the governement adoption agency weeks ago and we have the official document.
The most important one, which we thought we still needed to wait for a few more days.
Normally this document it given after the agency has approved us. We did not know it, but they felt we were a strong enough case they did not wait.
And the date of this document is an amazing one.
The MOST IMPORTANT DATE for our adoption other than they day when the baby is born is actually when this document is granted.
With this document you are officially a parent in Mexico.
The date of this document is: May 31st. THE DAY OF THE VISITATION.
I have no words for the gift this is. A day full of meaning in our IF journey, a day of blessings, a day of Mary.
One that so deeply speaks to me today, when I found out I will be a mother soon.
"Mary rose and went with haste into the hill country, to a city of Judah, and she entered the house of Zechariah and greeted Elizabeth. And when Elizabeth heard the greeting of Mary, the babe (that's little John the Baptist) leaped in her womb; and Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit and she exclaimed with a loud cry, 'Blessed are you among women and blessed is the fruit of your womb! And why is this granted to me that the mother of my Lord should come to me? For behold, when the voice of your greeting come to my ears, the babe in my womb leaped for joy. And blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord!"'
Today no better prayer of thanks to God than the Magnificat. Said by Our Lady on this same feast day.
Thank you so very very much for your prayers.
We felt so surrounded by love that I have no words and all the prayers truly helped us survive the last days filled with anxiety..
We are going to be parents of a baby very soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We have been approved by our agency to adopt!!!!!!!!!!!
But not only this: Without our knowledge the agency submitted all our papers to the governement adoption agency weeks ago and we have the official document.
The most important one, which we thought we still needed to wait for a few more days.
Normally this document it given after the agency has approved us. We did not know it, but they felt we were a strong enough case they did not wait.
And the date of this document is an amazing one.
The MOST IMPORTANT DATE for our adoption other than they day when the baby is born is actually when this document is granted.
With this document you are officially a parent in Mexico.
The date of this document is: May 31st. THE DAY OF THE VISITATION.
I have no words for the gift this is. A day full of meaning in our IF journey, a day of blessings, a day of Mary.
One that so deeply speaks to me today, when I found out I will be a mother soon.
"Mary rose and went with haste into the hill country, to a city of Judah, and she entered the house of Zechariah and greeted Elizabeth. And when Elizabeth heard the greeting of Mary, the babe (that's little John the Baptist) leaped in her womb; and Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit and she exclaimed with a loud cry, 'Blessed are you among women and blessed is the fruit of your womb! And why is this granted to me that the mother of my Lord should come to me? For behold, when the voice of your greeting come to my ears, the babe in my womb leaped for joy. And blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord!"'
Today no better prayer of thanks to God than the Magnificat. Said by Our Lady on this same feast day.
"My soul magnifies the Lord, and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he has
regarded the low estate of his handmaiden
For behold, henceforth all generations will call me blessed;
for He who is mighty has done great things for me, and holy is His name.
And His mercy is on those who fear Him from generation to generation.
He has shown strength with His am, He has scattered the proud in the
imagination of their hearts,
He has put down the mighty from their thrones, and exalted those of low degree.
He has filled the empty with good things, and the rich He has sent empty away.
He has helped His servant Israel, in remembrance of His mercy, as He spoke
to our fathers, to Abraham and to his posterity forever."
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Tomorrow
Tomorrow we will find out if we have been accepted to adopt.
We will have the results of 2 years of waiting, researching, paperwork, tests, interviews, classes, disappointments, many uncertainties and also intense hope.
If we are, we will become parents of a baby in the coming days, weeks or months.
I cannot even believe I am writing this. Daring to hope.
Something that I have doubted in my dark nights of the soul in this IF journey of over 4 years. We are seeing a light at the end of the tunnel, but still we have no clarity of what is behind that light,.
If we are not accepted we will need to wait more time until we pass more interviews, tests and counseling anywhere from a few months to years.
Today I went to confesion and broke down crying for nothing.
Also started eating Dulce de Leche like crazy....
I am that nervous.
If you see this post can you please spare a prayer? I am not sure how we will sleep tonight.
We will have the results of 2 years of waiting, researching, paperwork, tests, interviews, classes, disappointments, many uncertainties and also intense hope.
If we are, we will become parents of a baby in the coming days, weeks or months.
I cannot even believe I am writing this. Daring to hope.
Something that I have doubted in my dark nights of the soul in this IF journey of over 4 years. We are seeing a light at the end of the tunnel, but still we have no clarity of what is behind that light,.
If we are not accepted we will need to wait more time until we pass more interviews, tests and counseling anywhere from a few months to years.
Today I went to confesion and broke down crying for nothing.
Also started eating Dulce de Leche like crazy....
I am that nervous.
If you see this post can you please spare a prayer? I am not sure how we will sleep tonight.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Only on St Anthony´s feast day
St. Anthony´s feast day is as I have mentioned very special for me on so many ways its almost impossible to describe and today again he showed me what an amazing intercessor he is giving me what as I see as sign that everything will be well.
A completly unexpected sign.
My grandmother, who was was like a mother to me and perhaps the person I have loved the most, died on this day several years ago. She always spoke of St. Anthony as a saint that always sent signs and that could find everything.
St Anthony has always been tied to her in such a way that I cannot separate them in my mind and even more after her death.
Its because of her that I decided to do a Novena to him to ask him for his help in our adoption and later would come to find that he is a saint in charge of helping in cases of infertilty. So what better saint to ask for help, for signs.
Also my grandmother faced IF also. She had only three pregnancies all her life, yet loved children very very much and was always open to life. My mom after 4 years of TTC, then a girl 4 years later that died in utero at 5 months and then my only uncle 4 years later.
My grandmother will always be to me what a Catholic should be like. Prayerful, with a faith that even the hardest adversities could not shake, happy, devoted to family, always striving to be better , merciful. The Rosary was her constant companion.
She was also very beautiful, with great blue eyes that showed the beauty of her soul.
She faced a very hard death, 3 months in the ICU with great sufferings, one year after she saw her only son die of cancer at 38 leaving a one year old baby behind. We always said she died of sadness.
Our great consolation was that she died on this day. I knew instantly that she was in Heaven. She died in the month of her most important devotion, the Sacred Heart, and in the day of the Saint that she had prayed to all her life.
What else could we ask for?
10 years later also on this day my beloved grandfather, her husband, died.
We say she took him to heaven with her.
So today has been a hard and happy day at the same time. Happy for having had such great grandparents in my life, the very best, and sad because I miss them so very much.
Adding to the emotions of the day we have been very nervous because of our adoption.
I am a mess.
This week we will know if we are able to adopt and it might be even that they let us know when.
Its absolutely nerve racking. I have not been sleeping well and I have been trying to keep busy not thinking about all of this.
So today early I went to Mass. To thank God for my grandparents and also to ask for His help in our adoption.
Also ask St. Anthony for a sign, anything, that all will be well.
Well... he gave me a sign. Just as he always did with my grandmother.
He never failed her.
Today at Mass in a city of 20 million people. The largest in the world.
Right in front of me in the confession line.
Was the head of our adoption agency.
The woman who will approve us or not, but also the one that will make the final decision on which baby will be placed with us. Right there and there.
The most important person in the country in terms of adoption. Today of all days and I was sitting right behind her without even knowing it.
I had never ever seen her in this church. I have been attending for over 3 years and never seen her.
She was there, right in front of me waiting for confession.
Later as I was going out I said hi to her. She recognized me, but could not pinpoint from where.
I tell her I am waiting for adoption. Her husband asks:
I say , no. this week we will know, but that I knew the all decisive meeting had changed dates and that I was diappointed since we were praying to St. Anthony.
He smiles and says to continue praying. She also smiles.
We say goodbye.
Later I feel peace. I see this meeting as a sign that God is in charge, all will be well however He chooses.
Peace I have not felt in the last weeks , months.
It´s all in His hands. I am sure St. Anthony had something to do with this. =)
A completly unexpected sign.
My grandmother, who was was like a mother to me and perhaps the person I have loved the most, died on this day several years ago. She always spoke of St. Anthony as a saint that always sent signs and that could find everything.
St Anthony has always been tied to her in such a way that I cannot separate them in my mind and even more after her death.
Its because of her that I decided to do a Novena to him to ask him for his help in our adoption and later would come to find that he is a saint in charge of helping in cases of infertilty. So what better saint to ask for help, for signs.
Also my grandmother faced IF also. She had only three pregnancies all her life, yet loved children very very much and was always open to life. My mom after 4 years of TTC, then a girl 4 years later that died in utero at 5 months and then my only uncle 4 years later.
My grandmother will always be to me what a Catholic should be like. Prayerful, with a faith that even the hardest adversities could not shake, happy, devoted to family, always striving to be better , merciful. The Rosary was her constant companion.
She was also very beautiful, with great blue eyes that showed the beauty of her soul.
She faced a very hard death, 3 months in the ICU with great sufferings, one year after she saw her only son die of cancer at 38 leaving a one year old baby behind. We always said she died of sadness.
Our great consolation was that she died on this day. I knew instantly that she was in Heaven. She died in the month of her most important devotion, the Sacred Heart, and in the day of the Saint that she had prayed to all her life.
What else could we ask for?
10 years later also on this day my beloved grandfather, her husband, died.
We say she took him to heaven with her.
So today has been a hard and happy day at the same time. Happy for having had such great grandparents in my life, the very best, and sad because I miss them so very much.
Adding to the emotions of the day we have been very nervous because of our adoption.
I am a mess.
This week we will know if we are able to adopt and it might be even that they let us know when.
Its absolutely nerve racking. I have not been sleeping well and I have been trying to keep busy not thinking about all of this.
So today early I went to Mass. To thank God for my grandparents and also to ask for His help in our adoption.
Also ask St. Anthony for a sign, anything, that all will be well.
Well... he gave me a sign. Just as he always did with my grandmother.
He never failed her.
Today at Mass in a city of 20 million people. The largest in the world.
Right in front of me in the confession line.
Was the head of our adoption agency.
The woman who will approve us or not, but also the one that will make the final decision on which baby will be placed with us. Right there and there.
The most important person in the country in terms of adoption. Today of all days and I was sitting right behind her without even knowing it.
I had never ever seen her in this church. I have been attending for over 3 years and never seen her.
She was there, right in front of me waiting for confession.
Later as I was going out I said hi to her. She recognized me, but could not pinpoint from where.
I tell her I am waiting for adoption. Her husband asks:
do you have a baby already?
Have you adopted?
I say , no. this week we will know, but that I knew the all decisive meeting had changed dates and that I was diappointed since we were praying to St. Anthony.
He smiles and says to continue praying. She also smiles.
We say goodbye.
Later I feel peace. I see this meeting as a sign that God is in charge, all will be well however He chooses.
Peace I have not felt in the last weeks , months.
It´s all in His hands. I am sure St. Anthony had something to do with this. =)
Friday, June 10, 2011
News on the adoption front
Hi!
I just got of the phone with our adoption agency. My heart is beating non stop.
I called them since a woman that I know knew about some crisis pregancies and wanted information to distribute to these women to prevent them from aborting.
The person I was looking for was off today and by chance I ended up speaking with the head of adoptions who is truly a remarkable woman and she offered to help me in getting some info for these women.
She also faced IF and adopted 2 babies only to become pregnant three more times, she now heads the efforts in this agency to make adoption happen and is now overseeing the fate of 24 babies who are currently under their care! Mostly healthy newborns, but some very hard cases also with brain damage, down syndrome or blindness.
She works mornings doing miracles with limited resources and in the afternoons is a full time mother of 5! She is a member of the Neo-Catech.umenal way and very very active in this also. I have no idea how she does this.
Well she told me that the all important meeting had moved to the 15th, yet continue to pray to St Anthony and
to come by the agency June 16th very early in the morning to have news.
She wanted to give them personally to my DH and I.
She said nothing else!!!! argghhh!!!!!!!!!!
In this meeting they will let us know if we are approved or not and if yes and it might be that they even tell us if there is a baby for us!!!
Its all up in the air.
How will I survive the next days? I have no idea!!!
So in this meeting 3 things can happpen from what I have seen since I have known this agency:
You are not approved, please go to therapy for X amount of time and come back then. This is still a possibility.
You are approved and wait until we call you. More waiting and it can be days, weeks or months!
You are approved and your baby is waiting for you! Come pick her or him up by X time, normally the next day! In 2 cases they even told them here is your baby right then and there and go home with him/ her!!!
St Anthony please pray for us!
Sacred Heart of Jesus! Please help us!!
I just got of the phone with our adoption agency. My heart is beating non stop.
I called them since a woman that I know knew about some crisis pregancies and wanted information to distribute to these women to prevent them from aborting.
The person I was looking for was off today and by chance I ended up speaking with the head of adoptions who is truly a remarkable woman and she offered to help me in getting some info for these women.
She also faced IF and adopted 2 babies only to become pregnant three more times, she now heads the efforts in this agency to make adoption happen and is now overseeing the fate of 24 babies who are currently under their care! Mostly healthy newborns, but some very hard cases also with brain damage, down syndrome or blindness.
She works mornings doing miracles with limited resources and in the afternoons is a full time mother of 5! She is a member of the Neo-Catech.umenal way and very very active in this also. I have no idea how she does this.
Well she told me that the all important meeting had moved to the 15th, yet continue to pray to St Anthony and
to come by the agency June 16th very early in the morning to have news.
She wanted to give them personally to my DH and I.
She said nothing else!!!! argghhh!!!!!!!!!!
In this meeting they will let us know if we are approved or not and if yes and it might be that they even tell us if there is a baby for us!!!
Its all up in the air.
How will I survive the next days? I have no idea!!!
So in this meeting 3 things can happpen from what I have seen since I have known this agency:
You are not approved, please go to therapy for X amount of time and come back then. This is still a possibility.
You are approved and wait until we call you. More waiting and it can be days, weeks or months!
You are approved and your baby is waiting for you! Come pick her or him up by X time, normally the next day! In 2 cases they even told them here is your baby right then and there and go home with him/ her!!!
St Anthony please pray for us!
Sacred Heart of Jesus! Please help us!!
Thursday, June 9, 2011
St. Anthony working already!!! and more intentions!
Hi!
the intention list keeps growing and this makes me so happy!
Please add:
For the cousin of mnr who recently miscarried and for this baby.
For matching moonheads: My intentions are also for us both to see improvement with our joint fertility and have the grace to accept God's will.
Well and St. Anthony has begun working.... a couple of days ago I FOUND this without even looking.. the picture on top is the St. Anthony I had given to my grandmother one birthday over 25 years ago and that she kept in her night stand, with a prayer and with a note from me in my teenager writting.
Well its the exact same prayer we have been praying, but I had not seen it in a very, very long time and had no idea where it was and that it was the same prayer!!!
I found it just as I was just trying to put some order in my house and unexpectedly there he was!! Just like that!
And it belonged to my grandmother who was so devoted to him and I found this during our novena. I have tears in my eyes! Just amazing.
And then today I was an offered an opportunity that I was not even looking for and the adoptions in my group started early.
Its a long update since so many things are going on, but if you want to know what it is go the last part of this entry.
The novena has been a light of ray for me and has given me renewed hope since the last days have been emotionally difficult. Blame it on the coming legal aspects of the adoption, PMS, the possibility of a job offer abroad and many things happening at once here.
My grandmother used to say ask St. Anthony to find something and he will, it just might not be what you ask him for. Well I have been reminded of this today with an early call with my boss, but more on this later. Adoption status is first and it has moved faster than anticipated.
I am very anxious about the coming days when we will be granted or not the permision to adopt and later how it all will turn out. I am very, very bad at not knowing and trusting.
My class generation at the adoption agency consisted of 12 couples when we started classes back in October of 2010. All of us started proceedings about 1 year before.
It is very different here than in the USA.
In Mexico most adoptions are closed since we follow the international protocols of adoption from the Hague, the USA does not. So the birth mothers relinquish their rights to the insitution who becomes the legal guardian and then the institution hands over the rights to the adoptive parents. From the time of birth until this is all finished and becomes permanent its just a few weeks (even days) and while this takes place the babies remain in their care in a beautiful nursery filled with love. I was able to see it from afar and its really God filled.
Its really a place from God where volunteers go and take care of the babies during the day like real mothers and also specialized nurses and doctors.
You can be matched with a baby and not know it for weeks, because they only tell you until is definitive.
Thinking that our baby might have been born already makes me even more anxious!!! I really do not even want to think about this possibility!
Well the agency normally gives the babies to class generations. They finish with class A and move over to class B and so on. There is some overlapping in cases where they think there is a better match with class B than A, but they follow normally an order in some 85% of the cases.
The agency matches the babies normally with the families (only Catholic marriages in this particular case) after much prayer and after looking at the characteristics of the family. Most of the babies look a little or a lot like the adoptive family (we saw some things during the annual meeting that were simply amazing), although this is not their main criteria.
The babies and families are not matched in any particular order. But they have almost finished with the previous generation and now have started matching mine!!!! ONE week before it was even possible, ohh St. Anthony!!
and not only this: they have in their nursery 24 babies waiting for the legal proceedings to finish and to be matched! A friend was there last week and told me. this is highly unusual! Twenty-Four! It seems that this push for abortion has also made many people promote this much more as an alternative.
Abortion is horrible, but has also brought the need for all to support pregnant women to the light even more and this has been helping.
Well yesterday we started receiving news form my group. Adoptions have started this week!!!!!!
From my generation:
1 couple received their baby about a month ago. They were an unusual case since they were between generations. I was not worried when I found out since it was not our group.
1 in December decided to adopt via the goverment agency in anothes state which they did that month.
1 in April decided to adopt privately and quit their proceedings. Yesterday they announced that it had fell through and that the birth mother even if they had taken care of her for the last 3 months and paid all her expenses had decided to parent at the very last minute. They are heart broken and since they did not inform all of this (the woman was living at their house while they were in classes with us) I am not sure the agency will let them adopt via them. The way they did it its not legal in Mexico.
1 couple will receive their baby boy today. A 1.5 month old baby boy and amazingly born on St Gianna´s day. =)
so adoptions have started in my group this week, the week of the Novena and we are just 8 couples left!!!
On Monday June 13th day of St Anthony the agency will present our file to the governement and we will be approved or not. I also have been asking my maternal grandparents to interceed for us that day. Both died on St Anthony´s feast day as I have mentioned before.
The statistics say that normally one couple (max 2) per group is not accepted in their first try and they are sent to therapy (normally marriage or grief). Lately they have also added religious formation to this and after a few months they can adopt.
So we have right now around 15% to 25% (since none have been canceled so far) chance of not being accepted. Argggh! Its just like the miscarriage chance I was given and with my luck I do not know what will happen! I so need to stop worrying and not compare these statisics!
Yet on Saturday we took the risk and bought several important items and several friends have started giving me stuff.
The room that has been empty for 2.5 years now has started to look like a nursery.
We have a crib (who belonged to my nice and nephew), two drawers from my old teenager bedroom which are exactly like the crib, a baby car seat, clothing that I had been given when I was pregnant and some very basic new stuff. Its really blows my mind!
We spent Saturday at a Baby Expo, a big expo dedicated to selling all things baby with great prices. I was very anxious about being around so many babies and pregnant women and it was emotionally draining, but I survived.
At times I had tears in my eyes thinking that Miguel would have been 3 months old, but God gave me somehow strenght.
Sometimes I had to look away from all the pregnant bellies or the amazingly beautiful babies and most of the time I felt so alone.
Some people did not know how to act when we told them we were adopting, but most were great and seemed so genuinely happy that it was great.
We are taking a big risk with our hearts really, but at the same time I do not want to be running around the city buying the stuff with a new baby in tow. I want to enjoy the time with him / her as much as I can. I will have 4 months maternity leave and I want enjoy each and every minute.
So we are trusting God that all will be well.
Yet miscarriage made my heart so very, very fearful as well as my multiple health complications of last year. I had never been a fearful person, yet I have become one. A bad case.
Since we do not know when the baby will come and at what age (anywhere from 20 days of birth to 6 months depending on when the birth mother gave up her legal rights) I have not wanted to buy a lot, nor think about what the baby will look like nor its gender (we were open about all of this).
Its very, very hard right now. I know I should be joyful, but I cannot be calm until I have the baby in my arms.
On my health front: I decided to start excercising last week and I guess I overdid it. It has been very warm here, so I was sweating a lot after class and I did not cover myself coming out of class and it had become chilly became very ill with a chest cold. Not something that I needed at this time. I felt horrible for 3 days! and have been doing home office most of the time.
I sent my cycle review yesterday (AF arrive in the middle of a lot of PMS) and for the first time in many, many months my 2 last cycles looked normal. I had a very late ovulation for me (CD 22) and great mucus which I had not seen since my miscarriage (without medicines for mucus!) ! but I was in Brasil and DH in Mex.ico around Peak! arghh!!!!!!!
My progesterone P+7 was 25 which is great and I had a normal post peak phase! so good news among all this fear! I am 40 and still have normal cycles, at least this gives me hope.
The only bad thing other than having DH 11 hours away by plane with great signs of ovulation was that I once again had tail end brown bleeding. This strarted with my miscarriage in September and lasted for 3 months then took antibiotics and it went away, but had then yeast! not nice!
I refuse to take antibiotic once again (though it seems I will have to!) and asked in my cycle review if it could be related to C.lomid (its started when I started this) or to inflammation and if I could try with diet one month!
Tomorrow I will restart accupuncture and this cycle I will be back on the antinflammatory diet, meditation, off wheat and lactose, regular excercise, supplements. All the things I was doing when I became pregnant. I kept a diary and I have all my notes.
I want to be really in the best shape ever for whatever way God chooses for me to be a mother and if its both biological and adoptive the more the merrier. We do not have time to waste!!!.
If a baby comes via adoption soon I want to be a healthy mother and not only did this regime work in terms of my fertility, but I felt great.
Like never before and this will help me be a better mother and I need to focus in something that I can least have a grip on during the coming weeks.
Adding to my anxiety .....
DH has been having some interviews in the last weeks. It has been a roller coaster of emotions also!.
He was recommened by his current boss to work as a teacher at a university. He has had 3 interviews so far and one more to go or more.
All looks very positive, but it looks as there are still 2 options in the air: one only part time which would still be not enough for him to support us (would give some 4 classes a week until they know he can handle more) after a period of training which I am not sure is paid or it can become a university coordination plus classes, which would be much better. All is up in the air right now!
We need a break in this respect please God and St Anthony! It has been 3.5 years since he lost his corporate job and has had only part time work. This has strained our marriage, in addition to IF and miscarriage and my health crisis and I do not wish the combination on anybody. There is ligth at the end of the tunnel, but the more we seem to reach it the farther away it moves or so it seems.
On my front: The event in Rio went extremely well (it was rated as the best one yet globally) and many people from global, including the boss of my boss and corporate HR, where there. This means that my team and I were in the HR radar and today my boss called me extremely early. He was in Ge.rmany all week in planning meetings.
He told me early today:
To prepare for a call from global HR and if I could consider moving to Germany, just like that.... my jaw dropped like miles! I was and am speechless.
He told me:
You have been in your current position long enough and need to grow, you speak German, have an European passport and it would be natural for you as a next career step. You would be the perfect fit. Start thinking about it for the coming weeks.
DH also speaks some German and is in love with the idea of living in Europe once again. He studied in France his MBA. When I told him today very early today just after my call with my boss he said:
When do I start packing!
Wow! He was ecstatic and me ... terrified! Oh St Anthony!!!
For him it would be ideal since he would start fresh and he could work since I have the nationality and he would just need some 6 months to a year of German to be fluent (he is great at languages).
This is not something that I needed right now! haha! My prayer might have been misunderstood by St Anthony! My DH needs the job, not me!
And on top of my work for Fertility.Care which I feel is my true vocation. This is also growing like mad, but I have been putting some order there so I can manage it with everything else going on.
Well I am sure St. Anthony is having a field day with me right now! Adoption: yes or no? (the adoptions in my group started early, the same week as the novena which I attribute to him!), when for us: no idea, my fertilty: also up in the air, my DH job: no idea!! and now an opportunity for me that I did not look for....
I did not warn people when we started the Novena. I truly forgot, but was reminded today via my boss´s call..
Always , always expect things in a novena to St. Anthony.
He always finds what is best for you and it might not be exactly what you ask for! But he knows best. Enjoy the ride!
Sunday, June 5, 2011
updated: More intentions International Novena to St. Anthony
I have received several new requests for the Novena which I have added in the intentions list:
We are now: Brazil, Mexico, Canada, USA, Gibraltar, Belgium and Switzerland/France. this is absolutely amazing! all praying to the same saint together!
A.C: she is asking us to pray for a 14 year old girl who is pregant and her grandmother. Personally for their new adoption and to find a diagnosis to her IF.
The chief: For a NaPro diagnosis and cure of her IF
TCIE: For a job for her DH and also for the job opp, for her treatment on June 13th and for a definitve cure for her IF, for a resolution to their legal issues that prevent them from adopting.
Jelly Belly: for a cure for her IF and all the intentions of her heart. For Mr. T .
"His Perfect Timing": her intention is:
My request would be that I would like to be a mom, either through birth or adoption, as God sees fit. I ask that He opens the right doors and lets me know what He wants me to pursue right now.
For Nicole C and all her intentions.
For JBTC: For her pregnancy and all the intentions in her heart.
For M.R: So that J and her can find a way to be together.
Faith makes things possible: For DH and her to conceive
Patiently waiting: For her and her DH as they continue their journey with adoption and with PPVI (2nd surgery in August)
Carolina: For our families, for people to listen to the voice of God and for a cure for her If. For the continued conversion of her DH
In its time: For a job for her DH
Sue: For the blessing of a baby of their own for her and her DH Roman
AC: My family's intention is to find the path necessary to conceive another child, for that child to grow strong and healthy, and for a sibling for our little Isabel so that she may have someone to share her life with and be with her when we are no longer on this earth
Ana Lilia: In thanks for the presence of Xavier in her life due to the intercesion of St. Anthony, for her upcoming marriage and for a new job which she urgently needs
Veronique: For help in her marriage path, for the obstacles in the annulment process and for clarity about God´s will
My intentions: For our adoption, for a new pregnancy and healthy , for a great job for DH and the development of NaPro in Latin America.
For all bloggers that continue to wait for a baby, for those currently pregnant and for all of those suffering at this time.
Some did not ask for prayers specifically but I am adding since they commented on the DH part or I am aware they are going through a rough time (If you want me to take you off I will do it, but I am convinced St.Anthony is amazing in these cases!)
For Lena: a faithful Catholic husband
For CM: a faithful Catholic husband
For Hebrews 11: For peace at this time and a baby for her.
Here is the Novena:
O wonderful St. Anthony, glorious on account of the fame of your miracles, and through the condescension of Jesus in coming in the form of a little child to rest in your arms, obtain for me of His bounty the grace which I ardently desire from the depths of my heart . (State your intention)
You who were so compassionate toward miserable sinners, regard not the unworthiness of those who pray to you, but the glory of God that it may once again be magnified by the granting of the particular request (State your intention) which I now ask for with persevering earnestness. Amen
Pray one Our Father,
one Hail Mary, and
Glory Be to the Father, in honor of Saint Anthony.
Saint Anthony, pray for us!
DAY ONE
O holy St. Anthony, gentlest of saints, your love for God and charity for his creatures made you worthy while on earth to possess miraculous powers. Miracles waited your word, which you were ever ready to speak for those in trouble or anxiety. Encouraged by this thought, I implore you to obtain for me the favor I seek in this novena (State your intention). The answer to my prayer may require a miracle; even so, you are the saint of miracles. O gentle and loving Saint Anthony, whose heart was ever full of human sympathy, whisper my petition into the ears of the Infant Jesus, who loved to be folded in your arms, and thee gratitude of my heart will always be yours.
One Our Father, one Hail Mary, and Glory Be to the Father, in honor of Saint Anthony.
Saint Anthony, pray for us!
DAY TWO
O miracle-working St. Anthony, remember that it never has been heard that you left without help or relief anyone who in his need had recourse to you. Animated now with the most lively confidence, even with full conviction of not being refused, I fly for refuge to thee, O most favored friend of the Infant Jesus. O eloquent preacher of the divine mercy, despise not my supplications but, bringing them before the throne of God, strengthen them by your intercession and obtain for me the favor I seek in this novena (State your intention) .
One Our Father, one Hail Mary, and Glory Be to the Father, in honor of Saint Anthony.
Saint Anthony, pray for us!
DAY THREE
O purest St. Anthony, who through your angelic virtue was made worthy to be caressed by the Divine Child Jesus, to hold him in your arms and press him to your heart. I entreat you to cast a benevolent glance upon me. O glorious St. Anthony, born under the protection of Mary Immaculate, on the Feast of her Assumption into Heaven, and consecrated to her and now so powerful an intercessor in Heaven, I beseech you to obtain for me the favor I ask in this novena (State your intention). O great wonder-worker, intercede for me that God may grant my request.
One Our Father, one Hail Mary, and Glory Be to the Father, in honor of Saint Anthony.
Saint Anthony, pray for us!
DAY FOUR
I salute and honor you, O powerful helper, St. Anthony. The Christian world confidently turns to you and experiences your tender compassion and powerful assistance in so many necessities and sufferings that I am encouraged in my need to seek you help in obtaining a favorable answer to my request for the favor I seek in this novena (State your intention). O holy St. Anthony, I beseech you, obtain for me the grace that I desire.
One Our Father, one Hail Mary, and Glory Be to the Father, in honor of Saint Anthony.
Saint Anthony, pray for us!
DAY FIVE
I salute you, St. Anthony, lily of purity, ornament and glory of Christianity. I salute you, great Saint, cherub of wisdom and seraph of divine love. I rejoice at the favors our Lord has so liberally bestowed upon you. In humility and confidence I entreat you to help me, for I know that God has given you charity and pity, as well as power. I ask you by the love you did feel toward the Infant Jesus as you held him in your arms to tell Him now of the favor I seek through your intercession in this novena (State your intention).
One Our Father, one Hail Mary, and Glory Be to the Father, in honor of Saint Anthony.
Saint Anthony, pray for us!
DAY SIX
O glorious St. Anthony, chosen by God to preach his Word, you received from Him the gift of tongues and the power of working the most extraordinary miracles. O good St. Anthony, pray that I may fulfill the will of God in all things so that I may love Him, with you, for all eternity. O kind St. Anthony, I beseech you, obtain for me the grace that I desire, the favor I seek in this novena (State your intention).
One Our Father, one Hail Mary, and Glory Be to the Father, in honor of Saint Anthony.
Saint Anthony, pray for us!
DAY SEVEN
O renowned champion of the faith of Christ, most holy St. Anthony, glorious for your many miracles, obtain for me from the bounty of my Lord and God the grace which I ardently seek in this novena (State your intention) . O holy St. Anthony, ever attentive to those who invoke you, grant me that aid of your powerful intercession.
One Our Father, one Hail Mary, and Glory Be to the Father, in honor of Saint Anthony.
Saint Anthony, pray for us!
DAY EIGHT
O holy St. Anthony, you have shown yourself so powerful in your intercession, so tender and so compassionate towards those who honor you and invoke you in suffering and distress. I beseech you most humbly and earnestly to take me under your protection in my present necessities and to obtain for me the favor I desire (State your intention). Recommend my request to the merciful Queen of Heaven, that she may plead my cause with you before the throne of her Divine Son.
One Our Father, one Hail Mary, and Glory Be to the Father, in honor of Saint Anthony.
Saint Anthony, pray for us!
DAY NINE
Saint Anthony, servant of Mary, glory of the Church, pray for our Holy Father, our bishops, our priests, our Religious Orders, that, through their pious zeal and apostolic labors, all may be united in faith and give greater glory to God. St. Anthony, helper of all who invoke you, pray for me and intercede for me before the throne of Almighty God that I be granted the favor I so earnestly see in this novena (State your intention).
One Our Father, one Hail Mary, and Glory Be to the Father, in honor of Saint Anthony.
Saint Anthony, pray for us!
May the divine assistance remain always with us.
Amen
May the souls of the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace.
Amen.
O God, may the votive commemoration of blessed Anthony, your confessor, be a source of joy to your Church, that she may always be fortified with spiritual assistance, and deserve to enjoy eternal rewards. Through Christ our Lord.
Amen.
Friday, June 3, 2011
st. Anthony of Padua helper against infertility and spinsterhood
In preparation for our coming Novena I wanted to post some info about St. Anthony so I started gooling and found out many unknown things by me about him.
I should know him very well since I have heard him mentioned in my family most of my life, but when things are so familiar to you you then never think about them.
His name came up always in the most unusual ways. One that I always will rememeber is when my grandmother used to say when looking for a parking spot (and she always found one immediately!):
San Antonio bendito.
concedenos, concedemos
un lugarcito
Which means:
Holy St Anthony,
grant us, grant us
a little space!
When I started my google search I was struck time and time again that he is mainly known as a saint for the following:
Barren Women!!!!!!!!!!!!!, Lost Articles, the Poor and Oppressed; Travelers
Only until a few days ago did I find out about the barren woman part. I really feel so dumb!!! I found sterility, barreness, infertility and many other ways to say basically that he helps those who have an inability to bear children.
I googled for a long time and could not find why he is the patron of this. If anybody has any idea I would love to know why!
During my IF journey I have prayed so many times to several saints for a baby and all this time I have never thought to ask him about this. So with this Novena I am going to my family´s most trusted intercessor who happens to be an expert in my most important pain..
My family is so devoted to him and has asked for his intercesion for so many years that I only thought of him as a finder of objects and husbands. But when I started reading more about him time and time again came the barren woman part!
So fitting for me and for many of us joining the Novena .
In Mexico he is also very, very famous for finding husbands. Women purchase statues or stamps of him and put him upside down on his head in corner until they find a husband or boyfriend (in our culture its not offensive althought it sounds horrible) and churches are filled with offers to him.
One day even my university friends and I went to a special church that was packed to a Mass in his honor. Each of us was single and we asked for his intercession and we took a staute of him home. I remember clearly in my closet having him on a corner until I felt so bad that I decided to treat him better. I am blushing right now just thinking about it.
When I was single right before meeting my DH I asked him again and he was the very best. He brought into my life DH whom I met in Church.
I am very bad with blogger but on top of this post you can see a painting (an ex-voto which is a painting to thank God for a favour) in thanks for a marriage who made me smile and that I wanted to share here.
On the right you can see poor st. Anthony on his head and in the right the happily married woman.
Below it says:
My daughther Dolores was 40 years old and the eldest and only woman of my 16 children given to me by God. I was very concerned that the train would leave her, poor little one. (an expresion which means that she would be left behind by men and never get married)I put St. Anthony on its head and prayed day and night to him. Then she met a "gringo" called Maicol (Michael written how it sounds in Spanish) and got married. She even used my wedding dress.
In thanks: María del Socorro López López, 1963
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Saint Anthony international novena
Hi!
June 13th is the day of St Anthony. A saint that is very close to my heart and my family and one that is the most amazing intercessor ever for finding things and not only this: he is also famous againts Infertilty!!!! http://saints.sqpn.com/patrons-against-sterility/.
Several friends in Europe and in Mexico will be doing a Novena to him and I wanted to offer all of those interested to do an international one with all of us praying for the intentions of the others. I can post the intentions here (known or anonymous) and the corresponding prayer.
For example: TCIE will be having an important treatment on June 13th and we can all pray that she finds the cure that she so needs, also she recently posted about her Dh looking for a job and a possible job offer for her so its perfect timing.
In the past during our IF journey a group of my friends and I both from Europe and Mexico have prayed international novenas. We choose one, mostly it has been to our Lady who unties Knots a German Virgin, yet in this case we have all agreed on St Anthony.
The tradition with St. Anthony is to ask him to FIND. Find things, people, cures for ailments such as IF, etc.
My grandmother had a very special devotion to him, praying for his intercesion constantly, later my parents got married on his feast day, many years later after a long agony in the ICU my grandmother died on that very same day and 10 years later my grandfather, her husband, also.
And now: our adoption approval date will be also that same day: June 13th and I can only attribute it to him and my grandmother! This is the date we have been waiting for for over 2 years.
We are asking him for this intercesion to find our son or daughter.
There are many "miracles" in my family after asking him for help. Not only that so many important dates concided, but things that we do not have an explanation for.
Just a couple of examples:
My uncle had lost his wallet with all his ID´s and a lot of money. They looked everywhere and he was desperate. My grandmother was praying constantly to St. Anthony and a few weeks later the wallet was found with everything intact, but not only this the place is what was amazing. My uncle found it just on his car seat, right between the back and the seat. He had driven the car many times and also the car was washed many, many times, yet nobody had seen or felt it when it was impossible to miss.
The other miracle.
One day after the death of my grandmother my mother was desperate since she could not find the pair of one of my grandmother´s earrings, one of her favourites.
She had practically cleaned the whole closet out and jewerly box and yet not found it. She spent hours. These were large coral round earrings. Much bigger than a quarter. Not easy to miss.
Then she remembered to ask for his intercession.
And then looks around once more.
Right in front of her, on top of one of the boxes in the closet, one that she had moved several times, she finds the missing earring. To this day she has no explanation. She moved the box many, many times and the earring being round should have fallen to the floor in the remote case she did not see it and yet was perfectly placed in the middle of the box, right in front of her.
In case you want to send requests: put them in the comment box or send them to my mail: schatzie1204@gmail.com
June 13th is the day of St Anthony. A saint that is very close to my heart and my family and one that is the most amazing intercessor ever for finding things and not only this: he is also famous againts Infertilty!!!! http://saints.sqpn.com/patrons-against-sterility/.
Several friends in Europe and in Mexico will be doing a Novena to him and I wanted to offer all of those interested to do an international one with all of us praying for the intentions of the others. I can post the intentions here (known or anonymous) and the corresponding prayer.
For example: TCIE will be having an important treatment on June 13th and we can all pray that she finds the cure that she so needs, also she recently posted about her Dh looking for a job and a possible job offer for her so its perfect timing.
In the past during our IF journey a group of my friends and I both from Europe and Mexico have prayed international novenas. We choose one, mostly it has been to our Lady who unties Knots a German Virgin, yet in this case we have all agreed on St Anthony.
The tradition with St. Anthony is to ask him to FIND. Find things, people, cures for ailments such as IF, etc.
My grandmother had a very special devotion to him, praying for his intercesion constantly, later my parents got married on his feast day, many years later after a long agony in the ICU my grandmother died on that very same day and 10 years later my grandfather, her husband, also.
And now: our adoption approval date will be also that same day: June 13th and I can only attribute it to him and my grandmother! This is the date we have been waiting for for over 2 years.
We are asking him for this intercesion to find our son or daughter.
There are many "miracles" in my family after asking him for help. Not only that so many important dates concided, but things that we do not have an explanation for.
Just a couple of examples:
My uncle had lost his wallet with all his ID´s and a lot of money. They looked everywhere and he was desperate. My grandmother was praying constantly to St. Anthony and a few weeks later the wallet was found with everything intact, but not only this the place is what was amazing. My uncle found it just on his car seat, right between the back and the seat. He had driven the car many times and also the car was washed many, many times, yet nobody had seen or felt it when it was impossible to miss.
The other miracle.
One day after the death of my grandmother my mother was desperate since she could not find the pair of one of my grandmother´s earrings, one of her favourites.
She had practically cleaned the whole closet out and jewerly box and yet not found it. She spent hours. These were large coral round earrings. Much bigger than a quarter. Not easy to miss.
Then she remembered to ask for his intercession.
And then looks around once more.
Right in front of her, on top of one of the boxes in the closet, one that she had moved several times, she finds the missing earring. To this day she has no explanation. She moved the box many, many times and the earring being round should have fallen to the floor in the remote case she did not see it and yet was perfectly placed in the middle of the box, right in front of her.
In case you want to send requests: put them in the comment box or send them to my mail: schatzie1204@gmail.com
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