Only on St Anthony´s feast day

St. Anthony´s feast day is as I have mentioned very special for me on so many ways its almost impossible to describe and today again he showed me what an amazing intercessor he is giving me what as I see as sign that everything will be well.

A completly unexpected sign.

My grandmother, who was was like a mother to me and perhaps the person I have loved the most, died on this day several years ago. She always spoke of St. Anthony as a saint that always sent signs and that could find everything.

St Anthony has always been tied to her in such a way that I cannot separate them in my mind and even more after her death.

Its because of her that I decided to do a Novena to him to ask him for his help in our adoption and later would come to find that he is a saint in charge of helping in cases of infertilty. So what better saint to ask for help, for signs.

Also my grandmother faced IF also. She had only three pregnancies all her life, yet loved children very very much and was always open to life. My mom after 4 years of TTC, then a girl 4 years later that died in utero at 5 months and then my only uncle 4 years later.

My grandmother will always be to me what a Catholic should be like. Prayerful, with a faith that even the hardest adversities could not shake, happy, devoted to family, always striving to be better , merciful. The Rosary was her constant companion.

She was also very beautiful, with great blue eyes that showed the beauty of her soul.

She faced a very hard death, 3 months in the ICU with great sufferings, one year after she saw her only son die of cancer at 38 leaving a one year old baby behind. We always said she died of sadness.

Our great consolation was that she died on this day. I knew instantly that she was in Heaven. She died in the month of her most important devotion, the Sacred Heart, and in the day of the Saint that she had prayed to all her life.

What else could we ask for?

10 years later also on this day my beloved grandfather, her husband, died.

We say she took him to heaven with her.

So today has been a hard and happy day at the same time. Happy for having had such great grandparents in my life, the very best, and sad because I miss them so very much.

Adding to the emotions of the day we have been very nervous because of our adoption.

I am a mess.

This week we will know if we are able to adopt and it might be even that they let us know when.

Its absolutely nerve racking. I have not been sleeping well and I have been trying to keep busy not thinking about all of this.

So today early I went to Mass. To thank God for my grandparents and also to ask for His help in our adoption.

Also ask St. Anthony for a sign, anything, that all will be well.

Well... he gave me a sign. Just as he always did with my grandmother.

He never failed her.

Today at Mass in a city of 20 million people. The largest in the world.

Right in front of me in the confession line.

Was the head of our adoption agency.

The woman who will approve us or not, but also the one that will make the final decision on which baby will be placed with us. Right there and there.

The most important person in the country in terms of adoption. Today of all days and I was sitting right behind her without even knowing it.

I had never ever seen her in this church. I have been attending for over 3 years and never seen her.

She was there, right in front of me waiting for confession.

Later as I was going out I said hi to her. She recognized me, but could not pinpoint from where.

I tell her I am waiting for adoption. Her husband asks:

do you have a baby already?
Have you adopted?

I say , no. this week we will know, but that I knew the all decisive meeting had changed dates and that I was diappointed since we were praying to St. Anthony.

He smiles and says to continue praying. She also smiles.

We say goodbye.

Later I feel peace. I see this meeting as a sign that God is in charge, all will be well however He chooses.

Peace I have not felt in the last weeks , months.

It´s all in His hands. I am sure St. Anthony had something to do with this. =)