Today while I was attending Pentecost Mass I received a text message on my phone. I was able to see it during Mass since I had to check if I had turned it off.
Normally I never do this, but this time I truly felt I had left it on.
It had message from the national director of our agency.
It said:
"Now that I have more information I am certain neither baby if for you. I will keep my eyes open for you".
I trembled when I saw this and some tears were near my eyes, but I also felt peace and was able to continue with Mass.
The yearning to grow our family is stronger than ever and somehow it grows each day.
But since I knew that this woman at the agency is a person that prays and I saw God`s hand so very very clearly in choosing JM for us that I know its God`s wish.
The homily had been beautiful and had reminded me so very much of my experiences with the Holy Spirit.
During college and for some 7 years afterward I belonged to a Catholic Charismatic community that prayed each Saturday at each others house and also during this time I was able to attend several summers at ND, while on a special program.
It was a Catholic program for leadership that was held there in which the program directors did an imposition of hands after a talk with the Holy Spirit at the end of the program .
I had many amazing experiences during and after these talks that I have in my heart forever.
Gifts of the Holy Spirit such as great consolations, gift of tears, hearing, understanding and speaking tongues, etc. Things that my Jesuit upbringing had a very hard time with.
It was much later that after spiritual direction that I understood them and saw them as what they were, pure gifts and manifestations from God.
Well these times were extremely healing for me, with tremendous peace and strenght and somehow in all of this I had forgotten them. IF makes us many times forget the experiences that we have lived before of God´s Mercy and love and these clearly were.
So today we received these news I prayed to the Holy Spirit for peace and wisdom and had such Peace it could only come from Him. Peace is one of the fruits of the Holy Spirit so I am sure it was this.
The priest had also mentioned that one of the traditional gifts from the Holy Spirt is fortitude (strenght) and I prayed for this specifically to continue to build our family.
For all those that prayed for us thank you for the bottom of our hearts. The agency is working now on finding homes for these 2 little baby boys and I hope to have some good news about them very soon.
Sunday, May 19, 2013
Saturday, May 18, 2013
Potential adoption situation for us???
The last few weeks my heart has been up and down in terms of growing our family.
We have now moved and have the space for another child, JM will soon start going to some type of kindergarten (one that is for children his age) and both my DH and I are more than ready.
I knew full well nothing would happen before JM turned 2, because the law here states that the child needs to be that age before another placement can happen.
Since this happened 1 month ago all my emotional barriers came .tumbling down.
The yearning to grow our family that has become very, very strong. i had buried all of this since I knew it only would hurt me.
Somehow his birthday in my mind opened the flood gates of my heart again.
So last week I contact our adoption agency to follow up on some courses they are again asking us to take and ask the person in charge how our process is going.
We still have some paperwork and tests pending, but we have not received any communication from them and I am starting to wonder.
I ask about our Psychological evaluation which I think will be in the next days and she gives me an appointment for end of September.
I am left speechless. I have her repeat this.
We should be nearing the end of the process I tell her, but this cannot be true.
We still have the medical tests, the paperwork of no jail records, the social work visit and they cannot take place until this evaluation happens.
She tells me no.
Actually they are delaying most people another 6 to 12 months. Now that abortion is rampant here the numbers of women open to adoption has plummeted, but also there are now waiting lists for years and years.
My heart breaks.
She tells me to expect to be able to adopt next year around February or March.
And this is only to be ready with paperwork, from there it can take another 6 months for placement.
All seems so dark.
This means in practical terms due to our ages that this will be our last adoption.
I will be 43 by the time this happens and my DH 46.
This also happened the same week, on my 4th Femara Cycle where there was zero CM.
ZERO!
Great hormones, great follicle, no cm.... so I am an anomaly (this rarely happens on Fermara and specially with such great hormones) and now the doctor wants to switch me to to high dose Clomid next cycles.... biological parenthood seems now farther away than ever in my mind.
All of this at the very same time makes me so mad at our IF.
And the same week I find out about several unexpected and in some cases unwanted pregnancies. Arghhhh.
So it was not the easiest of weeks
So yesterday I speak with the national director from our adoption agency about the project that I am helping them with and she asks how we are doing in our process.
She has no control over our adoption process locally so I open my heart and tell her how frustrating all of this has been and specially that we did not expect this. From thinking we could be parents middle of this year to knowing it could take a year or more broke my heart.
She explains to me the situation Mexico City adoptions are facing since is there where abortion has been legal the longest.
Since 2007.
International money, a lot from US clinics and agencies, flowing into Mexico to promote abortion and emergency contraception and women not knowing they have an option in them.
After we talk about something else and the she asks me out of the blue if my DH and I would be willing and able to travel for an adoption.
I laugh. We would go to the end of the earth to be parents again.
We have traveled to a foreign country to have an operation with no insurance and full of uncertainty so doing this would be a piece of cake compared to that.
Also if we would be open for another baby boy, since she knew of our preference for a baby girl.
Well we would always loved to have one (several actually) of each sex, but we cannot love JM any more, so yes to both.
She tells me she just received the case of 2 male babies available for adoption in a city in the north of Mexico.
The agency is there and their house filled to capacity via the project I am helping them with, but does not have the parents with all the paperwork ready. They have the couples willing to adopt, but the paperwork that certifies them as adoptive parents is not ready and they cannot have the babies waiting.
She has been asked to find homes in another city. She is starting to look for them today.
I am left speechless as she mentions this and also the city..
This city she mentions where the 2 baby boys are has a long history with my family.
My mom lived there for many years, her only brother who died a few years ago was born there (actually is the city where my grandmother overcame her own secondary IF after 8 years) , my sister in law is from there also and the most shocking part of the story....
my sister in laws very close family members helped build this branch of our agency.
Actually her brother in law sister is the director of the agency.
My God!
I did not know/ remember any of this until my mom mentioned it yesterday.
So the national director tells me to send her ASAP pictures of JM, to talk with DH and to start praying.
Its a very, very long shot, but tells me now that my DH and I are willing to travel and adopt in other states (most couples cannot do it due to their jobs, financial situation or some other issue) she will keep her eyes open.
She tells me we are a rare case to be so open and willing to do this and that she will help us.
She tells me actually knowing this helps her and the agency since many times they are faced with this issue with the smaller cities and they are always having to search heaven and earth for families that are ready.
She will ask for pictures of the babies (its the policy of the agency to foster integration that the children somewhat resemble the adoptive parents and most specially the first child ) and then also the legal implications of adopting there.
She will wait for Monday and tell us that day if there is a real possibility.
Once we know this we can start checking if we can move our paper work here fast enough to be able to do it. Both things have to work in tandem.
Today I tell my brother all of this and his wife starts telling we have a home there at her parents house, that she knows the director very, very well , but also that she knows the legal firm that handles all adoptions.
The director is a close family friend of her and does pro bono work for our agency. They could tell us in an instant all the legal risks, paperwork needed, etc
I had no idea. And I am so moved.
She will do all in her power to help us adopt in her native city.
She can start calling Monday. WOW.
So this weekend we pray. Pray that if any of these little baby boys is meant for us that all doors open (its still a very, very long shot ) and in case none of them are for us, that they find loving families very soon so they do not have to spend another night away from the families God intended for them.
My hope is renewed after a very hard week (months actually) and I feel again God is in control and He will provide.
I have a very strong devotion to the Holy Spirit and have had amazing spiritual experiences of His love so I feel an amazing peace this is happening this weekend.
I am anxious of course, but also with a true sense of peace. DH is holding all in his heart, but you can tell he is excited.
I know God always has been there, but my humanity and own temperament gets the best of me and sometimes I forget
If you can spare a prayer for these 2 little boys I will be forever grateful.
Holy Spirt! Guide all involved in this!
We have now moved and have the space for another child, JM will soon start going to some type of kindergarten (one that is for children his age) and both my DH and I are more than ready.
I knew full well nothing would happen before JM turned 2, because the law here states that the child needs to be that age before another placement can happen.
Since this happened 1 month ago all my emotional barriers came .tumbling down.
The yearning to grow our family that has become very, very strong. i had buried all of this since I knew it only would hurt me.
Somehow his birthday in my mind opened the flood gates of my heart again.
So last week I contact our adoption agency to follow up on some courses they are again asking us to take and ask the person in charge how our process is going.
We still have some paperwork and tests pending, but we have not received any communication from them and I am starting to wonder.
I ask about our Psychological evaluation which I think will be in the next days and she gives me an appointment for end of September.
I am left speechless. I have her repeat this.
We should be nearing the end of the process I tell her, but this cannot be true.
We still have the medical tests, the paperwork of no jail records, the social work visit and they cannot take place until this evaluation happens.
She tells me no.
Actually they are delaying most people another 6 to 12 months. Now that abortion is rampant here the numbers of women open to adoption has plummeted, but also there are now waiting lists for years and years.
My heart breaks.
She tells me to expect to be able to adopt next year around February or March.
And this is only to be ready with paperwork, from there it can take another 6 months for placement.
All seems so dark.
This means in practical terms due to our ages that this will be our last adoption.
I will be 43 by the time this happens and my DH 46.
This also happened the same week, on my 4th Femara Cycle where there was zero CM.
ZERO!
Great hormones, great follicle, no cm.... so I am an anomaly (this rarely happens on Fermara and specially with such great hormones) and now the doctor wants to switch me to to high dose Clomid next cycles.... biological parenthood seems now farther away than ever in my mind.
All of this at the very same time makes me so mad at our IF.
And the same week I find out about several unexpected and in some cases unwanted pregnancies. Arghhhh.
So it was not the easiest of weeks
So yesterday I speak with the national director from our adoption agency about the project that I am helping them with and she asks how we are doing in our process.
She has no control over our adoption process locally so I open my heart and tell her how frustrating all of this has been and specially that we did not expect this. From thinking we could be parents middle of this year to knowing it could take a year or more broke my heart.
She explains to me the situation Mexico City adoptions are facing since is there where abortion has been legal the longest.
Since 2007.
International money, a lot from US clinics and agencies, flowing into Mexico to promote abortion and emergency contraception and women not knowing they have an option in them.
After we talk about something else and the she asks me out of the blue if my DH and I would be willing and able to travel for an adoption.
I laugh. We would go to the end of the earth to be parents again.
We have traveled to a foreign country to have an operation with no insurance and full of uncertainty so doing this would be a piece of cake compared to that.
Also if we would be open for another baby boy, since she knew of our preference for a baby girl.
Well we would always loved to have one (several actually) of each sex, but we cannot love JM any more, so yes to both.
She tells me she just received the case of 2 male babies available for adoption in a city in the north of Mexico.
The agency is there and their house filled to capacity via the project I am helping them with, but does not have the parents with all the paperwork ready. They have the couples willing to adopt, but the paperwork that certifies them as adoptive parents is not ready and they cannot have the babies waiting.
She has been asked to find homes in another city. She is starting to look for them today.
I am left speechless as she mentions this and also the city..
This city she mentions where the 2 baby boys are has a long history with my family.
My mom lived there for many years, her only brother who died a few years ago was born there (actually is the city where my grandmother overcame her own secondary IF after 8 years) , my sister in law is from there also and the most shocking part of the story....
my sister in laws very close family members helped build this branch of our agency.
Actually her brother in law sister is the director of the agency.
My God!
I did not know/ remember any of this until my mom mentioned it yesterday.
So the national director tells me to send her ASAP pictures of JM, to talk with DH and to start praying.
Its a very, very long shot, but tells me now that my DH and I are willing to travel and adopt in other states (most couples cannot do it due to their jobs, financial situation or some other issue) she will keep her eyes open.
She tells me we are a rare case to be so open and willing to do this and that she will help us.
She tells me actually knowing this helps her and the agency since many times they are faced with this issue with the smaller cities and they are always having to search heaven and earth for families that are ready.
She will ask for pictures of the babies (its the policy of the agency to foster integration that the children somewhat resemble the adoptive parents and most specially the first child ) and then also the legal implications of adopting there.
She will wait for Monday and tell us that day if there is a real possibility.
Once we know this we can start checking if we can move our paper work here fast enough to be able to do it. Both things have to work in tandem.
Today I tell my brother all of this and his wife starts telling we have a home there at her parents house, that she knows the director very, very well , but also that she knows the legal firm that handles all adoptions.
The director is a close family friend of her and does pro bono work for our agency. They could tell us in an instant all the legal risks, paperwork needed, etc
I had no idea. And I am so moved.
She will do all in her power to help us adopt in her native city.
She can start calling Monday. WOW.
So this weekend we pray. Pray that if any of these little baby boys is meant for us that all doors open (its still a very, very long shot ) and in case none of them are for us, that they find loving families very soon so they do not have to spend another night away from the families God intended for them.
My hope is renewed after a very hard week (months actually) and I feel again God is in control and He will provide.
I have a very strong devotion to the Holy Spirit and have had amazing spiritual experiences of His love so I feel an amazing peace this is happening this weekend.
I am anxious of course, but also with a true sense of peace. DH is holding all in his heart, but you can tell he is excited.
I know God always has been there, but my humanity and own temperament gets the best of me and sometimes I forget
If you can spare a prayer for these 2 little boys I will be forever grateful.
Holy Spirt! Guide all involved in this!
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