Tuesday, March 29, 2011

the most amazing call ever

On Friday I received the most surprising and amazing call of my life.

We were on the car, DH driving, heading towards the first of Satuday´s 2 weddings.

I had had a very difficult week and did not know how I would survive all the things that we had commited to (better said my DH had commited to) for the wedding.

We were in the middle of the highway heading towards this other city when I received a call. I saw that it was the bishops office and then I heard his secretary´s voice telling me if I could take his call.

I signaled to my DH to pull over. Now! and then made him a signal to pray!

So there we were, parked on the side of a little town of the middle of nowhere on the side of the highway with me on the cell phone and my DH with his head vowed down in prayer.

It was the amazing bishop that had promised to help way back in February to bring Na.pro here. The one that had invited me for an hour presentation that had ended 5 hours later at 10 p.m. The one that said this was one to the most amazing projects he had ever seen.

I had left him a message that morning asking for an appointment to inform him of the latest news regarding Na.pro. I knew he had been traveling and thought he might be still away so I wanted to have some time with him in the coming weeks.

Then I heard his voice and he began by asking how he could help me.

I told him I had already seen a couple that he wanted me to meet with facing IF and that I held hope for them and then began to tell him some of the issues that we had been facing in the last weeks.

Then he told me the most amazing thing:
I need to intervene. Now. This project is crucial and I need to do it now. It cannot create division.

He did not tell me a lot, but from his words I knew that he had other sources of information and that he was very concerned. It seems these persons have a pattern of behaviour contrary to what he wants in this diocesis. One that creates division among his flock. Basically without going into detail these persons take over social projects, own them and use them for political gain.

He then said:
where are you? and I told him in the middle of the highway!

He laughed and said I need to meet with X to discuss this with her and you. He said he had the phone of X, but it was best to have a person closer to her to arrange the appointment.

X is a highly influential person in the country that it one of the most amazing prolife persons I have ever met and one that has a lot of money and supports all causes realted to Life. Na.pro, he said, is what she has wanted to support for years and has not found. She can also stop these persons.

He had time Friday night until 11 p.m, part of Sunday morning and afternoon and very early Monday. He was very serious about this!!

Well.... we had been told the exact same thing by a person close to X and that knew of all that these persons were doing. She had advised us to speak ASAP to X.

Well, it seemed like a signal from Heaven that something had to be done now.

He asked me to call him back and asked me matter of factly:
do you have my cell phone?
Me? the cell phone of a bishop??

And he began to dictate to me his cell phone and asked me to call him back when I had news.

Many hours later after many calls I had news. I had called a person that could arrange the meeting , but also 2 convents to start an intense prayer campaign. We needed all the help we could get.

I was trembling. Maybe in the next days I would have one of the most important meetings on my whole life.

We could meet with X in a few days, not that weekend. He asked me to tell the person calling x the following:

Tell X that this is her bishop and that I need to meet urgently with her. I invite her to breakfast or dinner at my house. I want her to meet a couple. Only us.

And then told me:
I am a shepherd and I need to guard my flock. This is so very, very important and I cannot see that it does not start on a solid ground.

I will back you up, but you must prepare so you can sell Na.pro to her and in case she asks why you do not want to work with these persons you will need to tell the truth.

All week I had been thinking this and a phrase from the Bible had come up often in prayer:_
Truth will set you free

Since then I have not slept well. X is truly a celebrity and meeting with her and the bishop at his house is something that never in a million years could I envision.

He was putting his name out there for a project that he had only heard about twice and for a person that also he had met only 2 times.

A true shepherd.

Friday, March 25, 2011

Why can´t my life be boring?

One thing that mother has always said that her eldest daughter´s life is never boring and she is so right: I seem to always get involved in many things at once and even in things I do not know I am involved..

I spend several weeks in balance, where things are normal and then PUFF! all explodes at once.

Go figure =)

Only until today I am able to write about the second of my last weeks pilgrimages and all that has happned since. So many things I cannot even wrap my head around them

The 2 pilgrimages last week were amazing in more ways than one. I feel so very blessed.

The second unplanned one was beyond incredible.

The stay at the hacienda. Stunning. No other words can describe this.

Beautiful to the point of breathtaking, filled with history (built in the 1670´s), peaceful, full of friendly, real people.

The basilica of San Juan de los Lagos. The devotion I saw was something that left me speechless. I come from a very Catholic country, very expresive and I can say I have never seen something like this. Packed with people traveling hundreds of miles by bycicle, by foot, to pay homage to this Virgin. I was so moved. Their faith made my faith seem like nothing in comparison. They realy inspired me.

I was able to put mass intentions for all bloggers and the ones that sent me special ones right in front of Her. Again I was so moved to be part of a universal church.

The only thing comparable to the faith I saw there have have been the World Youth days I have been (Denver and Cologne) to or Feast days in the Basilica of Guadalupe. Nothing else has come close.

My DH granfather came from a city nearby and we decided to visit it to honor him and also since we knew it was beautiful. Right in the middle of cristero area (the area where tons of martirs came from during the religious persecution) the area of the country with the most saints, vocations, the works.

Well. We went to the main church in the birth city of my DH grandpa and we were lucky to find a Sunday mass right when we were going in. Also amazing, moving. The church packed to capacity, more than 700 persons and this was only one of the many, many masses a day. wow. Filled with families, children, young men, etc. Gave me so much hope.

then after the mass. there was a blessing with the Blessed sacrament and then a group that does Eucharistic adoration took a cloth and coverded the Blessed Sacrament and the priest as they went up and down the main area of the church. I do not know how this is called in English, but it was out of this world. I felt so priviledged to be there. People kneeling down, praying, incense.

Then something happened that made my day even more. My DH boss, a numerary from the Opus dei, had told my DH to pray to a Mexican saint that we did not know in order to find work. A martir. Saint Toribio Romo.

A very young priest that had died martired for his faith in this area during the worst days of the religious persecution. We had not idea who he was and had almost forgoten about him when in the back part of the church we find a very large photograph of him and his name. He is worshiped right in this church. In my DH grandfathers church. Afterwards we found his image everywhere. Everywhere.

Wow. This was his Church and region where he is very much admired and we had no idea. GOD INCIDENCES again!

And he is the saint for work and migrant workers. So we have started to pray to him and my DH grandfather for my DH´s job. My DH has begun carrying his picture together with a stamp for ST. Joseph to be a good husband and worker with him everywhere.

Then later on Monday we came back then to reality after what was a slice of heaven.

To say that this week has been crazy is to lie. It has been more than this.

At my job my boss has asked me to take even more responsabilities since a few persons from the team will be leaving and one of the remaining members is not doing well.

My boss is in panic about an upcoming event in Rio de Janeiro that my team is organizing and his stress is being passed to all of us. HE calls me at all times of the day, cancels appointments, etc. He is on the verge of a nervous breakdown and I can only watch. I have to try to calm him down several times a day.

Then in the middle of this I am offered my very same position, but in the USA with my company. Right out of the blue. With a very good chance to get it if I want it.

To move to the USA ASAP.

I have no idea what this means for my family, my adoption process, etc. Its so very much to ponder. Everybody tells me to apply and that I cannot lose a thing.

If I get it and then cancel it for personal reasons then at least my work will be seen in global which can be very good in the long term. Yet I feel so uneasy. It comes at a terrible personal time, with our adoption and TTC process, plus Napro here.

My boss almost died when he found out that I was being called for this. So his stress increased 10 fold and you can only imagine what this is doing to all of us.

Then at the very, very same time I get some 20 different letters regarding Na.pro in Me.xico the very same week. Some asking for help from several cities here, some willing to help and some that worried me very, very much.

I cannot go into detail, but several investors are interested in building a Na.pro clinic here. Which would be THE most amazing news ever, BUT several people and me have found out not very good things to put it mildly about them from very reliable people.

They are seeing the enourmous potential for this here which I agree with them is amazing, but their intentions are not virtous and could greatly damage everything here. .

I discussed this with my priest who knows them and several high ranking officials of the Church and CAtholic associations.

All have told me I must do something, BUT I feel this incredible burden in my heart from seeing this and I do not know how to go about it.

Is it really my responsability? how should I manage this? We are now certain that this would damage everything. Its not a rumor and it greatly saddens me.

At the same time I was told by a very holy priest: When the Bad is around very, very clearly it means that the work you are doing is very, very good. Its in direct correlation. Wow! I truly hate it!

Please can you pray for light? and strenght?

And this in addition that this is our very first TTC cycle again after my miscarriage.

And that adoption agency is planning tons of activities in the coming weeks, plus they asked me to help them with a talk in the middle of next week.

And did I mention that this Saturday we have: one birthday party , 2 weddings, 2 baby showers and a family reunion?

Of course we canceled most things,. but my DH is very close friends to the 2 grooms in the weddings and decided that we needed to go to both on the very same day.

Since he never ever asks for anything with such force I decided to accept even if I know this is crazy.

The weddings are in different cities!! and with very, very different wedding attire!!.

The first one in another Hacienda in a very warm city 2 hours away from Mexico city, quite informal, at 11:30 a.m tomorrow so we leave in a few hours to get to the hotel and spend the afternoon with the groom and then tomorrow in the afternoon around 5 p.m we come back so we can get to the other wedding which is at 7:30 p.m. Black tie. At the Four Sea.sons. Extremely elegant.

I think I will have to get dressed for this second one in a gas station.

Really this week has been crazy.

Friday, March 18, 2011

Two pilgramages in one week

I am still in awe how this week has turned out. It started as a completly dark week and it has turned into one where the presence of Our Lady has been so palpable its unbelivable. My prayer buddy is amazing as well as all of those that offered their prayers during these dark days.

By Monday I had been invited to 4 baby showers in the space of 5 days. FOUR. I received tons of mails about them, calls, FB invitations, the works.

I took the advice given by several people here and declined the invitations. I needed to protect my heart. Specially with the pregnancy that is due the very same day as I should have been due with Miguel.

All these invitations really hit hard and together with me being 40 very soon and my coming due date it was too much to take. Also the project for Napro here was dying. It broke my heart.

On Wednesday night we went to the Basilica of Guadalupe for the Mass of Life and in honor of St joseph from our adoption agency. All morning I received great news that I did not expect and decided to go on another pilgramege the same week! This mass in the Basilica turned out into one of thanks.

I received that morning news form PPVI. We have been given permision by Dr. H to TTC again. After 6 months of hellish symptoms and everything immaginable he thinks I am healed enough to try again. This gave me hope that all is not lost. That we can try again. Since I kept a fertility diary when I got pregnant I will go on the same regime again. TCM, Napro and light excercise and the endo diet. I know that this heals me on a very profound way and that even if I do not conceive again I can be healthy enough to be a a good mother through adoption or even if this also fails I can be healthy to do God´s work as He chooses.

That same morning I met with my grief therapist. We discussed that I needed to do something to bring happiness. Urgently since I felt spinning again into the waves of profound grief due to IF. Spending the long weekend crying and in my bed as I had planned was not an option.

Out of the blue I decided to invite my FIL and DH on a pilgramage to the second largest site in Mexico, located in Jalisco the state where Tequila, mariachis and traditional Mexican food is from. Its also the most Catholic part of the country where the cristeros (people that gave their life as martirs when the Catholic Chruch was banned during the 1930´s) came from and also Saint Miguel Agustin Pro.

Its an area of the country full of haciendas, music, great food and amazing people filled with faith.

In this area there is a Basilica in honor of the Virgin of San Juan de los Lagos. A Virgin made of maize. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Our_Lady_of_San_Juan_de_los_Lagos

During late January and early Feb over a million pilgrims go to Her from all over Mexico and the USA.

My FIL had promised to go there to give thanks for the birth of this children and never had done it. He had this debt with this Virgin for over 45 years!

Everything started to happen very fast, we found the last 2 rooms at a very nice hotel in an Hacienda over 300 years old 60% off!! My parents then decide to join us and so tomorrow we leave for the trip of a lifetime without even really planning it.

That same after noon I met with a potential Napro benefactor that has suffered 6 miscarriages. They want to help.

A girl from Guadalajara (the 3rd largest city in Mexico and the one that is the most Catholic) contacted me. She has 3 doctors lined up and wants to become a practioner and open this city.

During the Mass we prayed for all that sent us their intentions as well as all bloggers and the catholic IF group. We lit their intentions, prayed during Mass and stood just a few meters from Her Image and prayed out loud for all.

I felt such a connection to all of you it was unbelivable. I will take these intentions again with me on this second pilgramage. So all of you will be present at 2 of the largest pilgramage sites in the world: Guadalupe and San Juan de Los Lagos, this last one where Pope John Paul II gave a Mass to 3 million people.

This week is one where I felt the power of the universality of the Catholic Church.

Me being Mexican, speaking another language, with other customs, received the prayers of people that are thousands of miles away, but that can use the same prayers as me in another language and pray to the same God for the very same things. It does not cease to amaze me.

Monday, March 14, 2011


The last days have been hard. Two invitations to baby showers, one for a baby due the exact same date as me, several pregnancy annoucements, fears about adoption due to horrible comments from family, not being invited to family celebrations since we are childless, etc. When it rains, it pours.

But I know this is not it, not the only part. My heart is heavy since April is approaching.

A very difficult month. The more I think about April the more I feel sadness, sadness that is not going anywhere.

April is the month of my 40th birthday. Never in a million years could I have imagined that I would be reaching this age childless. Never. I cry as I type this.

I will be an older mother, if I am ever one, and I mourn not being a younger one like I always wanted. Also this makes a large family impossible. There are age limits to adoption here and we probably will be only be able to adopt maximum 2 or by a miracle 3. But most probably just one. One. wow. And not even sure right now.

April is also the month that Miguel would have been born. The baby that I miscarried at 9.2 weeks. I seem normal from the outside, but everytime I see a baby belly that is 7 or more months along I cannot help to compare and I die inside. his due date was April 8th, a few days before my birthday.

And the bad thing is that I see a belly like this almost everyday. She is the wife of my office counterpart. She is due 3 days after I was due and works as a nutritionist for our office. A baby boy for a couple that used IVF. Seeing every day a belly due the same days would be hard, but with IVF I feel such an irony. I cannot help it. I also die inside.

Also April is my 4th wedding anniversary. On the 28th, St Gianna´s day. 4 years childless, 4 years of trials unrelated to IF, but made much worse by it.

I just hope April passes quickly and to be alble to survive it with dignity and not a crying mess.

Friday, March 11, 2011

On Lent, prayer and an offer


Lent has started and I really, really needed it this year.

The focus on change, on a change of heart.

The news from the last days for Napro in Mexico have not been good. The doctor most probably will not be going and 2 out of the 3 practitioners are having issues getting the money. This means that its quite likely that out of a team of 5 that we could have had this year, we might end up being 2. Yes, 2. For another full year. Seems like back to square one.

So my heart was very heavy. But I know the only way to get out of this heaviness of heart is prayer. Which I am not good at.

Yet God is clearly showing the way that this IS THE WAY. Not sheer effort or brute force, but more of the silent type of force. Prayer.

Put me to do projects, to organize, to be active, to plan. That I am very good at. My Martha side.

But do not get me to pray, to be silent, to repeat the beads of the Rosary. Not good at all. My Mary side.

I have been going to Adoration at a beautiful church here for over 8 years. The fruits have been amazing. Still, I have such a hard time staying a full hour in prayer and in times of darkness I am not constant. Its a paradox, when I most need it its when I do not do it.

In all these signs that the Bad Guy is working overtime to prevent Napro from coming here God is sending signals that HE wants this.

I went to Mass on Ash Wednesday and really, really prayed the Rosary for Napro. And asked several people to pray. And light started to appear in the dark horizon.

I know that is does not work always like this (you pray, you get), but this day was so clear that prayer is the way.

The very same day my supervisor called me with the bad news that the practitioner trips were at risk, a few hours later at 11:30 p.m on Ash Wednesday the Bishop sent me an email.

He wants to help. Really help. One of the holiest bishops in Mexico. And he is praying.

Then I got 5 requests for sessions in just a few hours, when I had had none in weeks.

One by a 40 plus couple that had a pregnancy at 43 and were terrified of another. They practically had given up on sex. They had had 4 unplanned pregnancies in the last years. As fertile as you can get. Well the email was that they were opening their hearts again to God´s will and wanted to be back on charting and really trusting their sexuality to God. What a gift to be part of this conversion as a first hand witness.

Two by 2 amazing, amazing women that wanted to chart to learn to appreciate their fertility and CHASTITY!!!! they are some of the leaders of the pro-life movement in Latin America. They want to learn so they spread the word.

Another by a couple sent by the Bishop that had many miscarriages. Many. He is the head of fundraising for one of the largest foundations in the country and wants to learn about Napro.


It was so amazing, I was looking for what to do in Lent and then it was all clear.

This Lent my purpose is prayer, silence. The Rosary is the way.

I will be giving up my ADORED Starbucks Green Tea latte with soy, will be praying the Rosary daily (Thanks to the inspiration by TCIE) reading the many, many spiritual books that I have. I will select one for each week and try to go to daily Mass.

This is the way. all was so clear last night in Adoration and on Ash Wednesday. This is what I need.

Also to kick everything off we are doing a Novena again. I met surprisingly on Ash Wednesday (also, that day was amazing!) a dear, dear friend on the street. He is an adoptive father and he knows about Napro and our own adoption.

He invited me to his house and with his wife we made the decision to do a novena again.

This time to St Joseph. We had done many in the past together, to Our Lady of Guadalupe and to Our Lady Who unties knots, but it was clear this time that this time it was to st. Joseph.

So today we start. I just read that Jermiah is doing one also so we will be also praying for her.

And las, t but not least.

On the 16th I will be going with all the adoptive families from our agency and parents to be to a Mass in the high altar of the Basilica of Guadalupe.

Yes, right in front of Her in honor of St Joseph. A mass whose sole intention is to thank Our Lady and God for the gift of Adoption, of Life.

Hundreds of people in prayer in thanks for the miracle of adoption.

Praying to St. Joseph and the Virgin of Guadalupe.

I am so excited that I cannot wait.

My DH and I will be arriving very, very early to be with Her and to have time to pray for all the intentions that we again will be taking to Our Lady of Guadalupe.

Also during Mass we will be praying for all those waiting for the miracle of a pregnacy or aoption.

So if you want me to take any intentions and as many as you need I can do it.

We can light candels, write your intentions for special Masses, pray in front of Her. Just let us knwo and we will gladly , gladly do it.

She is so amazing and this community is so amazing that I cannot help , but think this is the least I can do.

My email is:
schatzie1204 at gmail.com

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Down, need to wait another year

I have been trying to keep my spirits up, but some news yesterday brought me down, really down.

Yesterday I got the news that we will not have a Napro doctor here for another full year. This was completly unexpected and it really made me question if this idea of bringing Napro here is a crazy pursuit.

I need to be patient, but i am very bad at it. It will be in God´s time, but in the meantime?

Mexico has now: 3 practitioners in training (another one in stand still due to her pregnancy) and no doctors. This is the status to this day for Catholic IF patients in a country that has a population of over 90 million Catholics.

One of the largest Catholic nations in the world. The country where Our Lady of Guadalupe chose to give her message.

It has been one set back after another for 1.5 years now. My confessor tells me its completly normal as this is a fight against the culture of death, but on a human level its so very hard. To be patient. To hope that one day we can have this option here.

A couple of doctors have promised to help in the meantime, but translating everything, working long distance with PPVI, convincing people to do this instead of IVF without the support of doctors its incredibly difficult.

Mexico is 90% Catholic (more than a 90 million!) and we will not have Napro for another year. It will be 2.5 full years until we have one doctor and its not even sure.

About a year and a half ago we started to try to convince doctors to go and study. We did not invite many as it was extremely important to really get the very best in the beginning.

Out of the 5 we discussed this with one stood out and this same one decided to do it. We were so very happy, we even went to the Basilica to give thanks. the other 4 did not have the time or money to do it. We took it as a sign that they were not ready.

A year ago we had been recommended an amazing, young, very bright doctor and we tried to convince him for a few months to go to PPVI to study. He was in another city and one of my clients and later future practitioner intern even went to his office and sat outside until he would receive her. I am still amazed at her guts.

After an intense prayer campaign he decided to go and study and he was for many months our only hope. He attended training in October and was extremely happy and I started to send him patients. He later asked me not to do it until he fully graduated so he had all the knowledge needed to treat them fully using Napro.

It was a set back, but I held hope that in April we would have the very first doctor. I had a waiting list to meet him of over 10 patients willing to travel to see him.

Well..... due to personal issues and his own doctoral degree (he is doing his doctorate at the same time) he has decided to postpone everything.

So he will not be certified in Napro this year, but we have to wait another full year.

I can fully understand his reasons, still its not easy to work my head around that we will not have a doctor to help anytime soon.

He will go back in October and restart his Napro training. This means that only until April 2012 we will have a Napro doctor here if all goes well.

And I cannot feel but very sad as I read more and more advertisments on IVF. When I see good Catholic people with no information doing ICSI or doing donor IUI´s, etc.

When basically nobody knows there is an option. A very successful one.

This in the country of our Lady of Guadalupe.

Mexico is changing rapidly and the Church is not keeping up.

Abortion has become legal since April 2007 via US and UN moneys and only in Mexico city over 3000 abortions have taken place legally in governement hospitals. Plus 18,000 just at one of the clinics since the legalization.

Most states have insured that their consititutions have legal recourses to defend life, yet some have given way to abortion laws in the last months. Its so very sad to see.

Alongside abortion is IVF. Both have grown a thousand times since the legalization. Once you let evil in it will be so very hard to close the doord.

IVF is rampant and not only among the rich as it was a few years ago. Now it has gone mainstream.

If abortion is legal what excuse is there to say no to IVF? they are sides to the same coin.

Just in my adoption group, all faithfull Catholics, most have done IUI and about half IVF. "hey its not a life. Its an embryo".... =(

None had heard about other options, most did not know the Church´s position and most have been incredibly hurt spiritually, emotionally and pysically due to IVF.

And we will not have napro here for another year. Yikes.

Our Lady of Guadalupe we need your help. Please.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Health, work and adoption

I have not been a good poster, nor commenter lately, its just that everyday my life is changing and I am not able to keep up. Also I have been fighting with being a little bit mad at God.

I will divide this post in 3 parts which are the ones that are taking up most of my life right now. Health, work and adoption.

I will start with the bad and end with the good! If you want skip the first part and go straight into the adoptin part.

My health.

Since September my health has been pretty beat up. The last 5 months of my life have been HORRIBLE in this respect. And I am mad. Cannot help it.

After the antibiotics given to me by Dr H in January my TEBB disappeared (had TEBB for the very 1st time in my whole life), but I began to experience some mild symptoms of a yeast infection which went away after I took some OTC medicines.

I was on extremely high doses of probiotics to try not to get yeast, but still I think my body was not ready for so many medicines one after the other..

Well....the TEBB was gone, but then then the symptoms of yeast came back with a vengance and tons of pain and itchiness. So being me I went straight to the lab and decided to do a vaginal test for yeast and other things last Monday without even asking.

I could feel it within me that something was way off again.

Well... my health ordeal is not over.

I indeed had a yeast infection which needed medications, but also another infection.

Yep., another one.

One that attacks many times weakened people in hospital settings, for which I have been on another beautiful course of antibiotics in this case Bac.trim Fo.rte. Reading Dr. google it really sounds scary so i have stopped googling and trusting the doctors.

My stomach is definetly destroyed. The only good thing is that I have been losing weight since I have been nauseous for one week now.

The beautiful bug is called: klebsiella pneumonaie. yep. its a bug that if you get it in your lungs you get pneumonia.

Well this amazing bug is quite resistant so the doctor decided to give me a very strong 7 day round of Bac.trim in its strongest form, plus a medicine for the yeast infection. Everyday I take so many pills that I had to invest in another pill holder, one for people over 65!

And do not get me started what this has done to our love life. The last FIVE months it has been mostly non existant. My DH is a saint. Truly.

Ultra heavy bleeding, continous bleeding, TEBB, yeast, infections, D&Cs ,miscarriage, polyps, Continous Pasty with itching, vaginal pain. I think in the 5 months maybe 2 weeks I have been symptom free of anything.

A week ago when I found about this new infection I got mad.

This is one of the reasons I was not posting. I remembered St. Teresa De Avila´s words to God: If this is the way you treat your friends, no wonder you have so few.

Well this is exactly how I felt. I am sorry, but its the reality. I was working my ### off for Na-Pro and my prac-titioner program giving both all my nights, weekends and money and then this happens. I did not want to be given a prize for my work, but also not what seemed like a horrible punishment or some type of test of faith.

Was I supposed to live every disease a woman can have in my own flesh? I mean I have seen my chart change from perfect to a disaster.

I do not know. I felt it all was a very cruel joke. God asked me for my baby, after fighting like crazy agains IF... but not only this. It had to be with also extreme physical pain, bleeding, complications, a second D&C in less than 3 months thinking that it was another baby, infections that nobody gets. I mean why, why, why? I am sorry, but my human side wins here.

I am better now and need to retest in a week to see if they both went away. Also do an U/S to see how everything is doing after 2 D&Cs so close together. But still I am somewhat mad when I look at my chart and take some 15 pills a day.

Please pray that I am sent home to have a normal life soon after the tests come back. My DH, my stomach and my heart would really be thankful!


I have been offered more responsabilities and a great growth opportunity... Yep. In the middle of all of this and our adoption process.

Yesterday my counterpart approached me telling me if I would be interested in him recommending me for his postion (he does the content and I do the communication and marketing of it for Latin-america). We work all projects hand in hand.

this in addition to my current one. In several regions they are putting both areas under one person for better coordination and his move would make this the very best solution.

He is moving to another region and has been asked to name a succesor. It seems neither HR, nor him nor my boss think any of his team is ready for the postion and they want a person already involved. From most of the managers I am the only one with real marketing and team management experience.

This would mean that I would have a huge team and control of most of the budget of the region. 7 managers, plus 3 more employees and 5 agencies in Brasil and Mexico. 2 areas under one person.

Something that does not fit with my life plans, but at the same time the money would be very welcome as my DH situation is still not good.

My priorities are: My family, health and napro. In this order.

So most probably I will decline, but its so very interesting at the time this comes. Some 6 months ago I probably would have said yes without even blinking.

Also I just negotiated maternity leave (3 months! which is the same as maternity leave in case of pregnancy) and flex time for our adoption.i also have 1 month vacation so I can be home 4 months! Fully enganged and commited to our baby.

Mexico still does not have a law for maternity leave in case of adoption (its in congress right now) so I totally depended on my boss and HR. Well they came through in a way that I did not expect. A light of rain in the midst of my health woes!

The same benefits and time as biological maternity (its even better than the law that is right now in congress) and they have written this in the companies policies.

And at the very same time this job offer. Not sure what the message is.


Things are moving very fast right now. We just finished the course this Monday and graduated. It was a very moving day. We were able to visit from afar the agency´s nursery, it was filled!!

They had 22 babies, most in the process of being adopted, waiting for the right parents or the biological mothers signature.

We could not see most since they were in their cribs and sleeping and we had a window separating us to protect the babies from infections, but it was amazing.

Just 2 babies were near enough to be seen. It might well be that in there were the babies of part of our group so there were a lot of tears.

We also visited the chapel which is right in the middle of our agency. I was so very excited.

I love that God is center stage at our agency. Before placing the children they pray and go to Adoration to choose the best family for the baby. So very different form the governement agency in which a number makes the decision.

Most of the babies are given to their families in the middle of a mass to celebrate and give thanks in this very chapel.

DH and I prayed there for our own family and for all of you. It had an image of Our Lady of Guadalupe on one side of the altar and of St. Joseph on the other and we prayed to both.

The paper work continues. We need to prepare a lot of papers for our social worker vist. A detailed income sheet, how we spend our money, tons of receipts and then make a mini album of photos our house. The vist will be on the 10th this month. Its 2 hours long and evaluates everything from your work schedule, your living conditions and your economic situation.

Our file must have now over a hundred pages. wow!

Then after this is the doctors vist for an evaluation and the taking of blood tests for AIDS, TB and many others.

After this is the vist to the judges so we can have a certificate that states that we do not have jail time or issues with the law. Its exhausting!

And in a month more the 2nd part of our 10 hour psychological exam. With all of this our file is sent then to a committee inside the agency which pre approves and then they will present it to the governement adoption office and they will approve or not of us as being fit for adoption via a special document. Once this document is granted we are parents to be in the eyes of the law.

This means that if all goes OK we could have a baby placed with us the very next days after we have been granted this paper or in the next 6 months. The usual time right now at our agency is between one month and three. I cannot believe this as I write this.

It seems almost surreal in the middle of all that is going on.