Sunday, May 19, 2013

It was not to be

Today while I was attending Pentecost Mass I received a text message on my phone.  I was able to see it during Mass since I had to check if I had turned it off.

Normally I never do this, but this time I truly felt I had left it on.

It had message from the national director of our agency.

 It said:

"Now that I have more information I am certain neither baby if for you.  I will keep my eyes open for you".

I trembled when I saw this and some tears were near my eyes, but I also felt peace and was able to continue with Mass.

The yearning to grow our family is stronger than ever and somehow it grows each day.

 But since I knew that this woman at the agency is a person that prays  and I saw God`s hand so very very clearly in choosing JM for us that I know its God`s wish.

The homily had been beautiful and had reminded me so very  much of my experiences with the Holy Spirit.

During college and for some 7 years afterward I belonged to a Catholic Charismatic community that prayed each Saturday at each others house and also during this time I was able to attend several summers at ND, while on a special program.

 It was a Catholic program for leadership that was held there in which the  program directors did an imposition of hands after a talk with the Holy Spirit  at the end of the program .

I had many amazing experiences during and after these talks that I have in my heart forever.

Gifts of the Holy Spirit such as great consolations, gift of tears, hearing, understanding and speaking  tongues, etc. Things that my Jesuit upbringing had a very hard time with.  

It was much later that after spiritual direction that I understood them and saw them as what they were, pure gifts and manifestations from God.

Well these times were extremely healing for me,  with tremendous peace and  strenght and somehow in all of this I had forgotten them.  IF makes us many times forget the experiences that we have lived before of God´s Mercy and love and these clearly were.

So today we received these news I prayed to the Holy Spirit for peace and wisdom and had such Peace it could only come from Him.  Peace is one of the fruits of the Holy Spirit so I am sure it was this.

  The priest had also mentioned that one of the traditional gifts from the Holy Spirt is fortitude (strenght) and I prayed for this specifically to continue to build our family.

For all those that prayed for us thank you for the bottom of our hearts.  The agency is working now on finding homes for these 2 little baby boys and I hope to have some good news about them very  soon.


  1. E, so very bittersweet. I wish it would have been you!
    Continued prayers for these boys & for you as you continue to build your family & wait to meet baby 2!

  2. I am so sorry this did not work out for you to adopt. Praying!

  3. So sorry, E... :(

    Still praying!

  4. Hola! Estoy iniciando un tratamiento con Napro para poder quedar embarazada, y buscando un poco mas de información encontré tu Blog... nunca habia escrito en algo asi pero me identifiqué mucho con tu historia... soy católica y mexicana y mi esposo y yo tenemos ya casi 4 años tratando de concebir... busco ánimos para seguir adelante...

  5. You are in my thoughts and prayers!
    Sending you lots of love, hugs, and prayers!
    I'm so sorry!