I can only thank God for all the He has bestowed on us these last months.
So many happy things, yet I have a hard time believing this is my life after all that we have been through the last years. But it really is.
Lets start with the most glorious news.
Two couples, one specially very, very close to my heart since they are part of my family, are pregnant with Napro and I am their practitioner.
I have been working with both for over a year and have felt their pain, longing, desperation each time we have talked.
With very limited resources still in place here its a nightmare to try to be faithful and try to find an answer to IF. Finding doctors, medicines, medical tests, etc that are acceptable takes forever.
Somehow after all this time I see that my IF has a purpose and its to help other couples find what most probably I found too late due to my age.
I knew it had one, yet I am seeing so clearly for the first time.
The horrible pain I felt for so many years helps me understand their pain and help them in ways I could not have ever imagined.
I know what miscarriage after IF feels like, how an U/S appointment can be the most terrifying experience ever, what each BFN feels like.
And with my IF I have been able to help several couples find help and finally get pregnant. My last count is 9 babies, including 1 adoption. Wow.
But this is the one that I have felt closet to my heart.
I was also the very, very first to know that they were for sure pregnant.
An immense privilege.
She had been late with her period after the first cycle with Fe..mara, but was terrified of doing the home pregnancy test so she waited for P+17 . I knew this was an important cycle (new medications plus U/S) and I had been waiting for her call.
The call never came on Friday and on Sunday I had to call them for another thing and after several minutes, she told me: "I think I am pregnant". Yet instead of joyful she was terrified.
The test was testing positive, but was very, very faint and since she had taken HCG that cycle was sure it was a false positive.
She could not believe her eyes.
She called the doctor afterwards who ordered a b/w panel with HCG and progesterone.
On Monday I called her later in the day and she was still waiting for the b/w results. The lab, out of the ordinary, was late with the results. More than 4 hours late.
We were on pins and needles hour after hour.
But as I was driving home her number appeared on my phone. She could not get a hold of her doctor and her DH was driving on a freeway and she was afraid to tell him the news, so she called me so somebody could confirm what she was reading on the lab email.
And read out loud the reading.
HCG was over 3,000.
She was pregnant, finally after more than 4 years of waiting and 1 year of Napro.
She started sobbing on the phone and so did I.
I was soooo happy for them. Truly ecstatic. A joy I only felt when I also was pregnant for the very first time.
And although I have not been able to get pregnant again and might never be, I saw a purpose to all that my DH and I had been through.
We were being fruitful in ways we could not have imagined years ago.
Although many persons will not get pregnant even with the right treatment (like us), I know that having somebody that understands is already a major gift. Like this blogging community which was my only way to feel somebody understood.
And this combined with many good things have made for some truly glorious weeks.
- Our second adoption will happen most probably this year and we are closing all the adoption follow ups with JM (2 years of medical and social worker visits finally come to an end!).
- My work is going amazingly well, with the additional blessing that I am doing a huge project to help several NGO`s, including the largest crisis pregnancy network here. And the results are amazing. 3 times more women seeking and finding help than ever before. I truly could not be more happy for this.
- We are moving soon to a better location for our family life. The buyer for our apartment has made the final offer and we have accepted and the apartment for rent that we fell in love with is still available. All timings are coming together much better than I could have ever dreamt of. We will probably be moving end of April, much nearer to our families and my work.
My nature is to wait for the other shoe to drop.
My life the last 5 years has been mostly a nightmare of IF, medical emergencies, job loss, deaths in the family. I reached my lowest moment 2 years ago after our miscarriage, horrible medical complications and the job loss of my DH.
Only our adoption of the most amazing little boy was able to lift me out of the nightmare.
After all that we have been through I am having a hard time believing this is our life, yet it truly is.
The life we have worked so hard to build.
This Lent my prayer is of thanks.