I need to write this here so I can make some sense of what is going on since yesterday. I hope this post makes sense for others , but mainly is to help me reach some discernement.
I most probably will hide it after a few hours.
Yesterday as I was coming out of the church after my simple Consecration to Mary and after the Hour of Grace I received a call. I had been praying about many things including this one and I saw the call as a sign. .
In summary after 2 months of interviews I have been offered a dream job with amazing company. with the added bonus of the promise of tons of flexibility to be a mother. A dream come true for any marketer.
This would mean leaving my current job at a company where I have been 12 years (a lifetime!) and starting fresh there.
And as I have written about it I need to continue working. I really have no choice, but to continue to contribute financially to my home.
Its not a matter of luxuries or having extras, but me not working would mean putting at risk many essential things.
For the last 4 of these 12 years at my current company I have not enojyed working there (actually getting up to work has been a struggle all these years), but staying has permited me to work mainly from home and give a lot of my time to Napro and to my own IF battle. It was a sacrifice worth doing for something greater.
Also I knew when the time came to be a mother the company would offer me a lot of flexibility and I could combine both if needed. Years passed and I remained doing something I did not like in hopes of this.
Looking at things this way my decision to say yes to this new company and switch jobs would be an easy one. Move from a job I did not like to another I probably would love and still be able to be a mother.
Yet I am torn.
Not about leaving my company , not about starting a new job (if the promise of the needed flexibility is there so I can spend a lot of time with Josemaria), but what this would mean to my work with Napro.
You see at the very same time this comes when we have a meeting next Tuesday with a major major donor.
He knows about Napro and loves it, actually he speaks very, very highly about it to others.The bishop that has been helping us here has said he will help us for sure.
We know its a very strong possibility we could get his financial support.
Today I spent the whole morning in a planning meeting for this with B and her DH, both experts in development of social projects.
As we prepared the presentation many important questions came up: .
"What would be my future role in all of this? How much time could I devote with the reality of a baby and my need for a job? I would be asking for money but what would my role be"
I am at a complely different point in my life and all my time needs to be devoted to my baby and a way for me to have an income.
Then B´s DH asked me point blank:.
"You will need to make a decision soon. tjhe offer is amazing , but Napro is a mission.
With a new baby, a new job you will not have time to give to Napro and your reality is that you need to continue earning money.
Why not ask Providence for a sign?
Have you ever thought about asking this donor for a salary so you dedicate yourself to this?
this donor who is a billionarie can do it and has done if many times with other projects"
He hit the nail on the head.
I never thought about this seriously even if I know this is possible, because I am so afraid what it would mean.
Put my complete trust in God.
Dedicate myself to this leaving behind the security of a corporate job.
On the other side I was so sure that the call from this great company was a sign from the Virgin, but now not anymore.
You see, I had prayed so hard yesterday and almost imediately I had the call from them when they still were not supposed to call after 2 full months of waiting (they had told me they would contact me in a week) Also I felt so much peace.
Right now I do not know what to think. What is God asking me to do about Napro?
I tried contacting my spiritual advisor to consult with him but could not reach him.
Should I ask this donor for this next Tuesday as part of the project (me becoming officially the project manager?
Stay at my current job and devote any remaining time to Napro?
Switch jobs and leave in the next months all my work for Napro?
My heart and head do not know what to make of all of this and top of it all. Tuesday at 10 a.m I am to meet with my future boss and a couple of hours later with the donor to present to him the plan to bring napro here.
I spoke about this with a dear friend tonight and she told me to do as the Virgin
Pray, trust and wait.
I have to do this so I can listen to God´s voice, yet its so hard.
Why is it that everything happens at the very very same time?
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