I need to write this here so I can make some sense of what is going on since yesterday. I hope this post makes sense for others , but mainly is to help me reach some discernement.
I most probably will hide it after a few hours.
Yesterday as I was coming out of the church after my simple Consecration to Mary and after the Hour of Grace I received a call. I had been praying about many things including this one and I saw the call as a sign. .
In summary after 2 months of interviews I have been offered a dream job with amazing company. with the added bonus of the promise of tons of flexibility to be a mother. A dream come true for any marketer.
This would mean leaving my current job at a company where I have been 12 years (a lifetime!) and starting fresh there.
And as I have written about it I need to continue working. I really have no choice, but to continue to contribute financially to my home.
Its not a matter of luxuries or having extras, but me not working would mean putting at risk many essential things.
For the last 4 of these 12 years at my current company I have not enojyed working there (actually getting up to work has been a struggle all these years), but staying has permited me to work mainly from home and give a lot of my time to Napro and to my own IF battle. It was a sacrifice worth doing for something greater.
Also I knew when the time came to be a mother the company would offer me a lot of flexibility and I could combine both if needed. Years passed and I remained doing something I did not like in hopes of this.
Looking at things this way my decision to say yes to this new company and switch jobs would be an easy one. Move from a job I did not like to another I probably would love and still be able to be a mother.
Yet I am torn.
Not about leaving my company , not about starting a new job (if the promise of the needed flexibility is there so I can spend a lot of time with Josemaria), but what this would mean to my work with Napro.
You see at the very same time this comes when we have a meeting next Tuesday with a major major donor.
He knows about Napro and loves it, actually he speaks very, very highly about it to others.The bishop that has been helping us here has said he will help us for sure.
We know its a very strong possibility we could get his financial support.
Today I spent the whole morning in a planning meeting for this with B and her DH, both experts in development of social projects.
As we prepared the presentation many important questions came up: .
"What would be my future role in all of this? How much time could I devote with the reality of a baby and my need for a job? I would be asking for money but what would my role be"
I am at a complely different point in my life and all my time needs to be devoted to my baby and a way for me to have an income.
Then B´s DH asked me point blank:.
"You will need to make a decision soon. tjhe offer is amazing , but Napro is a mission.
With a new baby, a new job you will not have time to give to Napro and your reality is that you need to continue earning money.
Why not ask Providence for a sign?
Have you ever thought about asking this donor for a salary so you dedicate yourself to this?
this donor who is a billionarie can do it and has done if many times with other projects"
He hit the nail on the head.
I never thought about this seriously even if I know this is possible, because I am so afraid what it would mean.
Put my complete trust in God.
Dedicate myself to this leaving behind the security of a corporate job.
On the other side I was so sure that the call from this great company was a sign from the Virgin, but now not anymore.
You see, I had prayed so hard yesterday and almost imediately I had the call from them when they still were not supposed to call after 2 full months of waiting (they had told me they would contact me in a week) Also I felt so much peace.
Right now I do not know what to think. What is God asking me to do about Napro?
I tried contacting my spiritual advisor to consult with him but could not reach him.
Should I ask this donor for this next Tuesday as part of the project (me becoming officially the project manager?
Stay at my current job and devote any remaining time to Napro?
Switch jobs and leave in the next months all my work for Napro?
My heart and head do not know what to make of all of this and top of it all. Tuesday at 10 a.m I am to meet with my future boss and a couple of hours later with the donor to present to him the plan to bring napro here.
I spoke about this with a dear friend tonight and she told me to do as the Virgin
Pray, trust and wait.
I have to do this so I can listen to God´s voice, yet its so hard.
Why is it that everything happens at the very very same time?
I wish I could give you advice, but, my dear friend... this is a decision you must make yourself, with the help of the Holy Spirit.
ReplyDeleteI will pray the right answer makes itself known to you.
Oh my goodness E - so much to think about. I will take all of this to prayer tonight. I guess the thing that came into my head was would it hurt to ask/tell the donor about all of this - telling him of your various options and let him/her decide. I mean, if they say no and that they can't afford to give you a salary to dedicate your time to Napro, you could still take the job with Google knowing that you are putting your family first in terms of contributing to the financial needs of your family, while still having time with Josemaria. Because at the end of the day, as important and valuable and wonderful as Napro is - you have your priorities in order - your faith and your family first. So, if you can't do Napro and provide for your family at the same time (via this donor providing your salary), something would have to give and that would seem like it would be Napro. I am sorry if I am speaking out of turn, but this is just what is on my heart. OLG, pray for us!!
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness! I wish I knew what the right choice is...but I will be praying for you! Don't fear, the Holy Spirit will guide you. As long as your heart is open to God's will, which I can tell it is!!, then the right thing will happen. Also, I agree with JBTC's comment...tell the donor about the situation and see what he is able to do. JBTC is right, your first obligation is to your family. But I feel that God has given you this role in Napro, so I believe He will make it happen!!
ReplyDeleteYou described exactly how my dear DH (and partner) does: hit the head of the nail. See?! I am the one who has to live with him hahaha. I knew he was going to help :) He has definitely that talent. That was part of the idea of creating the space to work with this morning! Loved the session and having questions clarified! I needed it also so much.
ReplyDeleteIt´s incredible the place where you have lead and inspired us, so many people, including our friend with we are going to meet. Thank you for that!!
E, we can ask for advice, but you are who have to decide for you and your family, who is part of your personal mission. As well, I have to do the same, even though my decisions are becoming clarified in a different way. How much this mission contributed in the building of the family and the present you have today in your warm arms? I understand the uncertainty and I am clear about the fact that we need to find how to develop this. So I stand by you in prayer.
I think also that the way is as your dear friend told. Is the Martha going to graduate of trying to be a Mary!!?!?
And, in double sense, can be said: the certification of this Martha includes not only being as her sister, but also being as THE Mary. That courageous virgin girl, pregnant from one moment to another. Our model of life, Holy Mary, the one who hears, prays, trusts and waits!!
Imagine her when she got pregnant: uncertainty, fear, loneliness, transformed by her fiat in God´s plan, for her since the very beginning of eternity.
The feast is coming! So rest in her lap. Indeed, she is assisting us! :)
What amazing options are laid out before you...from our talk in mexico I think asking the donor is a very reasonable thing that has a high chance of working. If it doesn't work out, you have other great options and you are more than capable, so you should be very proud of your accomplishments and hard work that has led to this! However, I think the only answer that will bring you true peace is the one you come to on your own through prayer...
ReplyDeleteThis is so incredible!! Both of your choices are so good!! I will continue to pray that the Holy Spirit will lead you to the right decision for you. He will speak to you and lead you where you need to be.
ReplyDeletePraying for you!
Wow, what a tough choice! What does your DH think? I will pray for you as you discern which path to take!
ReplyDeleteHow exciting ... Congratulations on the job offer! And how scary ... what to do?
ReplyDeleteI wondered as you discerned staying or going to G, if you could do neither and instead devote yourself full time to NaPro and your son. I will pray for God to discern the path you should take ... and I will also pray that you will get a salary offer from the major benefactor. You are so vital to the success of NaPro in Latin America, and I will pray that the benefactor will see it the same way!!!
Dearest E, God has something amazing prepared for you, this is why these tough choices come together. Whenever we are about to make a God given life changing experience we (ok, in my limited experience, it's the way it's happened to me) find that suddenly the options are good and the decision is hard. I have learnt to Let Go and Let God lead me in such decisions (though it is the hardest thing to do, to let go!). Isn't it wonderful and such a great sign that all this is happening on the week of the Immaculate Conception, the Feast of Saint Juan Diego and the Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe :)
ReplyDeleteI will be praying for you and will offer Mass tomorrow for your intentions and clarity of mind.
God Bless you
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ReplyDeleteSarah said...
ReplyDeleteI read this aloud to my husband (who is my practical side :)). He said only go for Go.og.le if you know, know, know this dream job will actually be the dream job it appears to be, and you will have that time with your baby you desire! (basically, as with any company, just make sure it's really in writing, and a year later you aren't working super long hours etc).
Regarding NaPro - I hear ya on stepping out and trusting God and how hard that is. I know here in the US some FCP's and NaPro nurses work for hospitals as regular employees... not sure if that is an option. Just a thought.
Praying for your discernment!!
E - I sat at lunch recently with a young man who has devoted his life to working for a nonprofit, pro-life organization in the state where I live. We'd met to discuss his pro-life work, but ended up discussing only NaPro. As it turns out, he and his wife have one, very young son and have now lost two babies to miscarriage. (He'd never actually met someone who'd experienced the surgical side of NaPro.)
ReplyDeleteI guess the reason that I am bringing this up is that - as I read your post - I couldn't stop thinking of this young couple. It seems clear that they both view his work in pro-life as a mission from God. While it may make things difficult sometimes (limited income, health insurance coverage, more difficulty obtaining certain levels of NaPro care, etc), I can tell you that what I saw in his eyes and heard in his voice was trust in God's will - struggle and all.
I know that you will discern carefully God's will and do your best to choose it. In what you've described, it appears that there is no "bad" choice. (And never forget that God can and does draw straight with crooked lines.)
Still, I can't help but wonder... If this major donor will agree to give you a salary to continue your work in NaPro... How many lives might God touch through your efforts??
If the donor refuses... Didn't you say that, even while you struggle, your current employer does give you the home time/family time you need to care for your precious husband and little boy? And time to work with NaPro??
If Go.og.le was not supposed to call so soon, would they not wait an extra day for your answer (allowing you time to speak to the donor)?
What if Go.og.le is a distraction??
I'll be praying for you to find clarity in discernment. Something in my heart can't stop thinking of all of those who will one day learn of NaPro in Mexico. As a friend, I so want you to be happy in your work, but I also know that (through the gift of our Savior) the greatest misery can become the greatest joy!
Hugs!!