My fertility diary

A few weeks  ago I found my fertility diary.

The very same diary I was keeping of all the  treatments and the health choices I was making  on 2010 on my path to motherhood.

 It brought back so many memories and I have been meaning to write on it again for weeks, yet something has been stopping me.   I did not know what exactly.  

The diary keept staring at me from my nightstand each day for weeks on end.  

Yet the time has come to restart it.  I know I am ready and this is a huge step for me.   It means I am daring to believe again and put my heart out there.

In February of 2010  Dr H had given us a 60 to 70% chance of being parents  after my lap with him and I had been to a fertility retreat with  Ran.dine Lewis  (author of  "the infertility Cure") in March of that year.  She had diagnosed me with the Chinese equivalent of the very same things as Dr. H, plus a couple more  and had taught me many things to treat them naturally.  She stressed that the most important was getting the body into balance and that this was done through diet and supplements,  relaxation and exercise.  A pregnancy would come with balance.

For the next months we tried to get pregnant to no avail following mainly Western medicine and doing some of her advice on an off and then I read Inconcei.vable, an amazing book on the power of taking control of your own health path and all clicked.

 I needed to make my own cure mixing Napro and alternative medice and lifestyle changes.  I dove right into Randi.ne´s advice, re-read all my healthy lifestyle books and created my own program.  I was so motivated that there was no stopping me. 

Around that time I had found a fertility diary in an Amer.ican Bookstore here in Mexico city which was mainly to keep track of IVF treatments.  

I decided to use it instead to record:
Meditation or relaxation, exercise, changes in medicines and weight, how well I was following a healthy diet,  addition to supplements and changes to mood.

I kept track of everything that  I was doing to become a mother.  Reflecting at the end of each day made me feel stronger and helped me to focus on joy.

I added things every week that made me feel better.  One day was giving myself a foot massage, another just breathing deeply, the other reading an amazing book.

I began to enjoy life again after several years of IF.

I got pregnant about 3 months later, after really listening to my body.  I am sure Napro had found the organic causes and I had found the rest through reading and really listening to my body.

Today I am still on the very same medicines and in over a year and a half  of trying again  we have not been pregnant once.      I know there is  something additional  to fix with Napro (I have developed intermittent  Tail end Brown bleeding since my miscarriage), but there is something  else missing.   I know it.

the very low vitamin D levels are just a proof of this.  

Additionally I am not doing most of the things that helped me be so healthy then: .

• Exercise: no
• Relaxation: no
• Focusing on healthy foods: no
• Eliminating  caffeine: no
• Ideal weight: no
• Focusing on joy: no
• The right mix of supplements: no

 and most important I had lost all confidence in my body´s ability to be pregnant and healthy.

As I have written here I became pregnant and then after 9 weeks I had a very traumatic miscarriage with tons of complications, I was in the hospital three times in just a few months and then had to go through the deep grief of all of this while focusing on adoption and all its paperwork.

After my miscarriage I lost all confidence I had gained in the past months of very healthy living  and then came  our adoption and the focus was an amazing baby boy.

This year my focus has been managing a family and a job and my health has become the last priority, yet I know I have to change this.  

My heart yearns for another baby and I know that I need to be as healthy as I can for the son I already have or for future adoptions.  I am an older mother and need to be there for him.

Also in  the last weeks something has shifted.

The thing that I think changed my  view of my body has been that for the last weeks I have been on an anti-inflammatory diet and  supplements and yesterday for the first time in over 1.5 years I felt that my body worked.

I looked at myself in the mirror and for the very first time in years I saw a body that could achieve things.  The diet and supplements that the nutritionist had given me had changed my digestion dramatically, I had lost weight and most importantly inflammation.  The change was dramatic.

 I had a waist again, no belly and I felt amazing.  I felt so light.  

I have not done  her diet at a 100%, but around 80% yet the results are there.  I have only lost 3 or 4 pounds after a few weeks of dieting, yet  I feel completely different.

Its hard to describe.  

Strong again.

So diary and new healthy lifestyle here I come  (and I am sending all my files to Gianna and PPVI again for a second look as not to leave this stone urturned)  and hopefully another pregnancy.

I am daring to believe again.  =)