I am dead tired after walking for almost 4.5 hours non-stop, yet I feel a peace that I have not felt since my miscarriage and I feel Her presence and closeness like never before.
I had been looking forward to this Pilgrimage since I felt the need to thank Her for having little Miguel, although just a few weeks on earth, in our lives. We are parents now for eternity. I still cry as I write this, yet I feel peace.
This is an amazing gift.
Also I wanted to thank Her for all the gifts She has given to Napro in Mexico, which we have consecrated to Her.
A year ago I went on this same Pilgrimage feeling completly alone and scared. What a difference SHE has made.
A year ago Dr. H had told me a few weeks before that I needed a new lap at PPVI and we did not know how we would be able to afford it, I was in the worst moments of my undiagnosed thyroid condition (most mornings I could not even wake up) and I had just come back from Omaha after starting the training for the practioner program.
Nobody knew what this Napro thing was all about and I started to panic that maybe I had been crazy in my desire to become a practitioner. I felt utterly and completly alone.
I prayed so hard at that pilgrimage for Her help. I cried so hard when I was under Her Image that my husband was even scared. He even cried with me.
Yet as I look back on this year and although we are still childess in the eyes of the world and I ache with all my heart to hold my child in my arms I see Her presence and gifts.
She promised to Juan Diego: "I will hold you in my arms" and asked him not to be scared since She was our Mother and indeed She keeps these promises to every one of Her children.
My parish priest consecrated Napro in Mexico to Her and even had a mass in the Basilica to ask for Her intercession . We were given the gift of a traveling image of Guadalupe that went from home to home for months with this specific intention.
5 months later after this now have three additional practitioners and a doctor.
Just last night while I could not sleep I discovered in my trash emails one, perhaps the most important of all the emails related to Napro that I have every received , from the dean of bioethics of a top medical school. Just a few hours before the Pilgrimage.
It said that he wants to meet since there is a group of possible donors for an IF clinic and he wants to see how they can work with PPVI.
All Her work for sure.
But changes have also been more secret, more in the depths of my DH and my hearts.
We prayed for a child and we have one in Heaven.
Of course I would to anything to have him in my arms, yet I see this opportunity to be his mother as an incredible gift. I feel sadness, but also gratefulness. I value LIFE now even more than ever. This is Her gift.
Our hearts have opened towards adoption, not just as an second place alternative to biological parenthood, but as an true equal in terms of love. We are completly open to God´s plans for us in this respect.
And perhaps for the very first time in my life I know She is my Mother and will always be there.