Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Do not know what to think or feel

I do not even know where to start. I have no words really to explain how I feel.

For the last 3 weeks I have thought and belived 100% that I had miscarried again. Even named the baby.

Yesterday my amazing Catholic doctor told me what the pathologist report said.

It was not a miscarriage.

It was a polyp.

A polyp that had caused my horrible bleeding and that had caused for the endometrium to look like a pregnancy had been there.

What God has intented that I learn from this I do not know.


It seems like a joke. A bad one.

But I must believe there is a purpose.


In the last 3 months so many lessons:
A miscarriage that broke me in a millon pieces both physically and spiritually.
Four days later a 4 day stay in the hospital with the most horrible pain, contractions and bleeding I could have ever imagined.
Two months of crazy, crazy cycles that even with my practitioner experience I had difficulties managining.
Then bleeding so heavy that I was scared to death. I even soaked a restaurant chair.
Then the news by two great doctors that I had miscarried again.
And now three weeks later. It was not a baby, but a polyp.


There must be a plan for all of this. I know it. I need to believe it.

Maybe that I become an expert at all things woman. That I become more compassionate of my clients and understand basically most of the things that a woman can go through.

That I finally understand that I am not in control. But He is.

To put myself 100% in His loving hands.

But its so very hard.

15 comments:

  1. Oh my gosh! How perplexing. I wish they had figured all this out sooner to avoid 3 weeks of grieving and anguish. But I'm so glad it was not the loss you had thought. I pray they can get some answers for you quickly!

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  2. Oh, I am so sorry for all this heartache and confusion! God will bring you through it, into the light of his peace! I am praying for you!

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  3. How confusing...Yes, it is totally hard to handed it "all over" to Him- but necessary! I am praying for answers for you.

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  4. I'm just shocked. I cannot believe all you've been through the last few weeks and then to be told this. Just shocked. I have no words, but I'm so, so sorry.

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  5. How confusing! I am so sorry for all this...but it is inspiring how, no matter the situation, you give it to God, and are always trusting of Him. I gotta believe He is very pleased with you for this.

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  6. That's our hardest job as Christians, in my opinion!

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  7. I am so very sorry you went through such a roller coaster of emotions thinking you were pregnant (and no doubt still are riding that ride). Prayers are with you my friend.

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  8. I am soooo sorry. I know this will be of little or no comfort, likely, but I became pregnant for the first time just a few weeks after a polyp was removed from my uterus... I'd been bleeding nearly 2 months straight, had it removed, and then-- a miracle. Praying for your miracle to help make sense of all this.

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  9. I'm so sorry that you have so much drama with your body and it's causing so much emotional turmoil. Praying for you.

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  10. Oh gosh, this is awful. I'm praying for you friend.

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  11. OMG! I can't believe you had to go through all that and then find out what you experienced was not a miscarriage. I am praying that you can find the purpose behind all this suffering that seems so meaningless but is so understandibly painful. God must have a great deal of trust in you Elo! Love you!

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