On our adoption and letting go of fear

Yesterday I went out to lunch with a dear friend who just had a baby a few months ago. We started discussing her current life, how she manages working and a baby and the conversation turned into one where one woman already a mother and one about to become one opened their hearts about motherhood.

Then I catched myself.

I was discussing about the details of bringing my own baby home.

Without fear.

Without holding back like I have done in the last years when these discussions about babies came up.

I dared to believe it was going to happen.

And it felt so liberating.

This might sound strange, but I have not wanted to really think about very real possibility that we might become parents in the next months.

After so much heartache with IF, the last months of horrible hospitals stays and our own failed adoption and a miscarriage I have been guarding my heart. Really guarding it.

Fear has been my guiding feeling most of the time. What if God did not trust me to be a good mother? What if He wanted me to be infertile for life and also unable to adopt?

Then the message by Dr. H to continue trying, that our chances were still OK made me so very confused about what God really wanted.

But I have made my peace, He is guiding our family and will know when and how its going to be built, but so far the message is adoption is our path.

Each and every door has opened in the last months, specially since we lost Miguel.

I do not want this to sound that adoption has been easy. It has taken over a year and several months of waiting, of paperwork, of praying, of loss, of tears. Plus the added years of IF pain and of the same years of opening our hearts to this new vocation.

We are currently in the last 3 weeks of our adoption course, which started in October. It has been an amazing journey and a great gift to be working with an agency that shares our exact same beliefs. We take classes in a room where they have an image of Our Lady of Guadalupe and God is mentioned as a real participant in our adoption journey.

Wow, the presence of Our Lady right alongside. She is there waiting for Her baby just like we are.

In March there will be a solmen mass for all adoptive families and the ones to be at the Basilica of Guadalupe. It will be in honor of St Joseph. I cannot wait to go there and also pray for all bloggers in waiting. She is so very powerful.


The next weeks will be a whirlwind of activities. We finish the course, we have an interview with an adoptive family to ask any of our questions, then comes the psycological evaluation which is over 6 hours long, then the socioeconomic one and a social workers visit.... and if all goes well in the next 2 months or a little bit more we can have the certificate that makes it possible for a baby to be assigned to us.

The only thing that can put a delay of a few months is that our psychological evaluations show that we have not let of our grief or that there are some other problems in our relationship that need to be solved.

But this means only a delay, only in very specific cases is the process stopped once you have made it so far as we have. All the ones go through counseling and in the end are able to adopt. The probabilities are in favor of us.

I do not think that we have any major issues that could cancel our process. Yes, we are still recuperating from several months of extreme emotional pain, but we have been close to God and He is a true healer. I think we are OK in this respect and if they deem necessary for us to go to counseling I know there will be a reason for it and we will be OK. But this would be only be a delay. And what is a few months more if I have waited years for my DH and then years to start a family. I am now an expert on waiting. I do not like it any more than before, but it has been such an integral part of my life that I feel like an old pro.

Then with the certificate in hand.... it can happen anytime that we get the call to come and pick up our baby.

There is no specific date. It really can happen anytime.

We have been told by some people that know this agency is that since we are a minority to expect to be at the ends of the spectrum, either very fast or that we are ones of the last ones in our group. They look for a physical resemblance most of the time so we do not know how this will play for us.

For some friends it was the very next day after the certification. They did not have anything ready. Were also guarding their hearts.

For other friends it was 3 months later.

For others it has been 4...

But the message we have been given in the last weeks is this: You are now at the end of the course. Your baby has already been conceived and to start believing it.

I am trembling as I write this. With Our Lady´s help it might well be.

He/ she has been conceived and is growing in the belly of an amazing woman who will make the hardest and bravest decision of her life and one that we will be thankful for all our lives.

I am daring to belive that this is true.

I think that I have now the strenght and faith to start praying for her and this baby each and every night.