Gifts among pain

Last week on the day of my anniversary many things happened. Great and horrible at the very same time. I did not have the opportunity, nor the heart to blog about them until now., but I did not want to forget to do it. Also I wanted to blog about them when I was calmer instead of just hurt and mad.

One important note first: I am on CD 3 now. AF arrived on time despite my funny symptoms about which I blogged a few days ago. I was sad, as always, but this gives me the opportunity to really focus this month on my health. We will not be TTC since I will be 2 weeks in Brasil for work, so I am going into full detox which you cannot do if TTC. I need to look at the bright side!

For our anniversary last week we had not planned to do anythiing that day. It had been a hard week and I was so very tired.

On Monday of last week a person (not really involved in the project, but that had wanted to take power) sent a letter summoning me and several other people to an urgent meeting in his office to tell them of what I was doing to bring Napro here. he started giving instructions left and right and I really did not know how to handle it until it was too late and things grew out of proportion.

I was asked by several people to keep many things in silence and since I did not inform them several things he was suspisious that I was keeping things for myself and my own benefit.

Monday, Tues and Wednesday mails were going back and forth and the situation was getting out of hand.

Just FYI: have been asked to keep quiet about most things (I do not even blog about most stuff going on here and when I do I change details so the real persons are not easily identifiable) and so I could not inform them of the details, nor that meetings with possible donors or prolifers had even taken place.

On Wednesday 27th I receive the nicest surprise ever, it was from JBTC. It was a Birthday card in Spanish!!!, but the thing that really, really moved me was a that had St Gianna Molla and the Virgin of Guadalupe bookmark with both of them in the same picture. I could not beleive it and I was so very moved. TKS JBTC! you made my Day and week!

It came on the perfect day. On Wednesday the inner struggles had reached a very high point and people had different ways of thinking how to go about it. Even people that did not have to do anything with the project gave opinons making all very hard. There were even interests to do this as a business rather than a service.

On Wednesday with the advice of several people I decide to write an email stating how things needed to move forward. Dr. H had given very clear instructions and I needed to inform them officially and also that I had been given the responsability after 2 years of work to establish things officially here.

So when JBTC gift arrived I felt so much peace. And the gifts came exactly one day before we consectrated this to Our Lady of Guadalupe and St. Gianna Beretta Molla. I loved the Godincidence. Is as if they were there with us and preparing me for what was to come.

On Thursday the 28th I sent the letter( after asking for advice from several key people and even having them read the letter) and the reaction was not good by 3 persons. In fact it was horrible. Two posted in FB nasty things directed to me and one person sent a letter filled with irony copying many people.

I was so stunned. These were good people or so I thought. By their actions their level of maturity was that of a 2 year old.

If they did not agree with what Dr. H had asked they could have sent an email to him or even before this to me, but never do what they did.

I decided to keep silent, yet I was so very disappointed in them and my heart was broken from teh attacks.

When I arrived home from work dead tired from all the emotions I receive a card and a small gift from AYWH my prayer buddy It was a small statue of the Virgin of Guadalupe. I had tears in my eyes. We had consectrated our marriage to Her 4 years before and on the very same day the statue arrives and also on a very hard day gives me so much consolation. I truly saw it as sign from God. Thanks AYWH!!!

Later my DH and I went to Mass and Adoration. I needed it and also to give thanks for our marriage. I went to confession since I could not shake my anger at these 3 persons.

I spoke with the priest that has been the closest to this since the beginning. He consectrated the project one year before and also had been giving us advice.

He told me to take this as a very, very good sign. That he was not surprised at all that the attacks came on the very same day we had consectrated this one year before.

That always among wheat there is evil and that the Bad guy likes to create division. But that I needed to do what my conciense directed and follow the bishop´s and Dr. H instructions even if people did not like them.

And to keep quiet in front of the attacks. To me that I am a very active person keeping quiet is extremely hard. But I did.

Later with him, a nun friend, my Napro friend and her husband (they had come to give us support during this extremly hard day), a couple of friends and my DH we went to dinner. I felt surrounded by love. It truly was a gift in the midst of adversity.

Thanks again JBTC and AYWH!