Moves, birthdays and changes

The last month has been a roller coaster and today promises to be even more exciting.

Our sons 2nd birthday and a major life change.

 A move!

 Today of all days we need to pack the whole house! Did not plan it this way,  but it has ended up like this.

Here is him at 7 months.  Trying to upload the latest pictures but could not!

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From coming back from a vacation in Peru, to a whirlwind work trip to Las Vegas  (a city that always leaves me drained spiritually), to the death of my dear aunt, to packing for a move  and many exciting projects at my work  where we are helping a major  crisis pregnancy network with many women helped so far (and not to mention several amazing Napro pregnancies of my clients!) it has been a month that I will probably never forget.

Today I am sitting saying goodbye to our first home and giving thanks for both the 2nd birthday of my son and the  decision of his birthmother (it was a Holy Friday 2 years ago) to give him life and also up for adoption and for the amazing opportunity we had of living almost 5 years in this beautiful home.

The home that saw great joy, also great changes of in our lives and  the saddest days of my whole life today helps us celebrate our son.

His 2nd birthday.

The son that has brought us the greatest joy of our lives.

He is now running everywhere, doing all kinds of fun things,  semi talking up a storm, loving music,  etc.  I plan do do a post in the coming days  about him.   I can just say I cannot even begin to imagine life without him. He gives me energy everyday to fight for life.

In terms of our home.

We had found right before our wedding an apartment with great potential.   It had a large garden only for 3 apartments, great view of many trees and was in a very quiet area of the city.   A peaceful realm.

But it was very ugly inside.

Before our wedding we made an offer,  but the owner suddenly raised the price and we let it go.

When we came back I was driving again in the area and we saw that it was up for sale again and not only that the whole building. So I called the realtor and found out it continued to be up for sale together with the other 2 apartments.

My brother was looking for an apartment and in turn one of his best friends also.

In a matter of 3 days we bought the 3 apartments  at the price we wanted and so I ended up living right next to my brother and his wife and one of this best friends for the next years.

And over the course of many months remodeled each and every  room.  A labor of love and a Titanic task.

During this time my Mother in law and my grandfather both died and in her case we spent a long time in hospitals so we did not have the chance to overlook the architect and then we had a disaster.  But finally we were able to move end of 2007 until today.

So each room is us.   Every single detail chosen by us and a labor of love.

But the time has come to move.

We are moving not because we do not absolutely love this place, but we need to be closer to family, my work and other things that are good for our son.

Also we need more space in case we are blessed with another baby this year.  Our agency is positive we will be parents again in the coming months (could be anywhere from a month to over a year) and I could not bear to move with a newborn.

So we had a buyer who kept calling us for over a year offering to buy and then we found an apartment which was perfect for us.   And after many doubts we made the jump.

 So this week we move to a rental apartment in a building  that is very famous for being filled with children and young families.   They call it the " the (name of the area) nursery"

A larger apartment with a very nice kitchen ( a must for me after having a tiny tiny kitchen all this time) with a very large pool with a nice baby area, a large garden with a play ground, a nice gym and very close to everything.  

We decided to rent since we would like the next home the definitive one and we are not ready financially,  nor in terms of our life to take this decision.

I am very nostalgic and it has been an up and down week.  But here we are.

Going now to kiss and spoil my 2 year old.  (cannot even believe I write this)

And off we go after surviving last week

I cannot believe we are on our way to Peru after perhaps the 5th time I had plans to get there.  One way or another each time was not the right time, but now its seems all is ready so we travel tomorrow evening.

So we are packed and  JM is ready to go to my parents for 10 days, of which he will spend 8 with his cousins.    My parents alone with their 3 grandchildren.  Both my parents could not be more excited and my mom has been preparing for weeks now and all is set.  

For Peru we  have planed the usual ( Cusco, Lima, Machu Picchu, etc) plus the highlight for me....
 we are spending Holy Thursday and Friday in Arequipa, Peru second largest city, a beautiful colonial city,  and very famous for its processions and devotions on these days.

They say they are as solemn as in Sevilla, so I hope also to spend some very spiritual days there. In preparation for our trip last night we saw the movie on the life of St Rosa de Lima whose shrine we hope to visit while in Lima (was well as St Martin de Porres another amazing Peruvian saint)

And we are happy to report we survived  last week..... there are no words to describe the whole week.  I am still exhausted from it.

From the highs of a new Latinamerican pope (a Jesuit to booth named Francisco) to the lows of family cancer and the many emotions involved with a move, start of new paths, etc.

I have been over the moon about Pope Francis.   I have very strong ties to the jesuits, having studied at one of their universities and  while there I grew close to a  very , very special jesuit who was my spiritual director for several years.    A saintly Spanish jesuit named aptly Ignacio after St Ignatius.   One of three jesuits in the same family, another brother was a  dioscesan priest,  (who was murdered during the civil war in Spain) and brother to a couple of nuns.   You can only imagine the depth of faith of his family.

And I  owe him in great part my faith.

While I know many Jesuits that are very far from the Magisterium , I also met there some very special ones whose spirituality  and adherence to the Magisterium where truly remarkable.  The ones that really take their 4th oath very seriously.
I also did several Ignatian retreats while studying there and I fell in love with St. Ignatius of Loyola.

Since his naming I  have been obsessed with Pope Francis and have seen most of the videos I could find.  They are still in Spanish in Youtube, but I hope they have subtitles soon.  They are amazing, full of depth (some even funny as he has an amazing sense of humor ) and we are truly blessed to have him as our Pope.  

So I went last week from this high to the low that my favorite aunt is dying.

My dad left Wednesday last week for Germany after finding out my aunt had brain cancer and her prognosis was not good.  My mom in the end did not accompany him and I think it was for the best as my dad needed this time alone with his family.   Please pray for my aunt and her family.  Right now the only thing to hope for is that she has closure and that the pain is lessened by the medicines.    It can be a matter of hours, days, perhaps weeks, a true roller coaster.

While all of this was going on our lives became a whirlwind of decisions and paperwork

We started the legal proceedings to sell our house  (I have been surrounded by papers for days now) , we signed the contract for a new apartment,  JM did the "test" to be able to attend  my former school  and I was very,  very late for it so I am not sure I made a mess of things due to this (I still cringe while writing this), I learned that my position at work will grow with some new projects, etc, etc.

And last we did the U/S  to see what had happened this very first cycle with Femara.   Well I had 2 very nice,  large follicles (24 cm one and the other 18 cm), one of which completely ruptured some days ago.   My CM was horrible this time, but the doctor said it might have been due to the timing of the HCG.

I am awaiting the progesterone and estradiol results of P+7, but all looks OK.

I will try perhaps a few cycles of this and then close the biological path forever.  I need the closure.

And off we go!

the most stressful week ahead....

I just hung up with my dad and he had some very bad news.

Next week promised to be one ot the most stressful weeks of my whole life, but today I received additional news that makes it perhaps the most stressful ever.   If I had anti anxiety  medicine I would probably we taking one right now!

During this week.....we are  deliverying all paperwork closing the sale of our appartment, renting a new place, I start a huge new project at work, we need to deliver the last papers from JM adoption and the rest for our second adoption and all of this this needs to be ready by Friday....The 18th is a holiday here and on the 19th of March we were to leave for Peru so all needs to be done before the holidays (Holy week and Easter are major vacation time here)

plus  my local napro doctor decided this cycle to change me to  Femara and do an U/S series  which start tomorrow  and continue all week

plus my DH has his annual physical which is a full morning and it  took months to book

and JM has the "evaluation"  to start pre kindergarten  in August  at the same school me and  my family have attended for 5 generations. Its a long story, but the school now is perhaps one of the most sought after in the whole city  and they have a mile long waiting list.   In the last years they have won all kind of achivements for education, yet have not grown their classes so demand is extremely high even in kindergarten. In order to be accepted now  they have a kind of eval with both parents so they can decide if the child is ready and also to check the fit to the school.   Classes are very,  very small so even if I am an alumni this eval will decide if JM is to join my former school.  Its crazy and I hate it, but at the same time I cannot avoid it.  The evaluation is this week on the 13th for one hour....Arghhhh!

 And today in addition to all of this.....  we just found out that my dads younger sister who has been battling a recurrence of breast cancer is now battling metastasis in the brain.  My dearest and most loved aunt.

The news that puts everything else in perspective and adds another dimension to the stress of the week.

So my mom and dad are struggling right now to find a flight to Germany so my dad can spend the next days with her saying his goodbyes, maybe even be there when she dies.   We do not know what to expect.

My dad talked today with my cousin who told him to come ASAP, after weeks of saying that both her and my aunt preferred he not come.

 A few weeks ago when we found out she was very sick from a bad reaction to chemo my dad had wanted to go to Germany, yet they stopped him.

They had found some spots of cancer in the lungs and was battling fluid there from the chemo and it seemed she had only a few days to live, yet she asked my dad not to come.  She wanted to be only with her daughters and husband.

An aunt and an uncle decided to disobey her and traveled to Germany and disaster ensued.  They traveled in the middle of a major snowstorm from a mid sized city to the hospital where my aunt was  (she is staying at an alternative medicine clinic in the middle of the Black Forest when not in the hospital for chemo) , getting stuck in the snow without adequate clothes, car, nothing.  My poor cousins had to rescue them while caring for my aunt.  (my dad has 6 brothers and sisters evenly divided between Germany and Mexico and an brother who died)

The last calls were very optimistic.   Her lungs and breasts were clear and it seemed she would be Ok.

But now this.  Brain cancer.

And now my aunt wants him to come (they are the closest of the 8) and my dad is planning to leave as early as he can. Tuesday is most probable.  Weather is much better now and my dad knows the area well so knows where to stay and how to move around.     My dad is horrible with hospitals and anything related to pain, but somehow he is finiding the strenght to travel and my mom is accompanying him.

To write that my parents are under tremendous stress would be an understatement.

So right now its a flurry of calls, emails struggling to find flights to a mid size city with only one day to do all and they have the added pressure they need to return to Mexico in less than a week.

The additional  issue right now is that my DH and I  had planned a trip to Peru leaving on the 19h.    My mom and dad had sent us an email inviting JM to their house and telling us to take a few days off since they would also be hosting my sisters children.   She is traveling to Asia with her DH and her children were coming to stay for 12 days.   This has never happened and my parents were ecstatic.

My parents were eager  to have the 3 grandchildren visiting and my mom even said it was easier for them than having JM alone since they could play with each other.   So my DH and I  took them up on the offer and planned a 11 day trip to Peru.  an anniversary gift and the last trip (we hope) before our second adoption.

But now this...

We do not know if we need to move our dates around or cancel our trip, if my mom and dad can return in time, etc.  and even if nothing moves my poor parents will arrive after this whirldwind trip  to 2 pre teens and a toddler.

My siblings and I are so worried for them.

So my parents are looking to some very tough weeks ahead. .....

I think them and I will need to take some sort of medicine to survive the stress of the next days!

Praying right now to St Anthony so my parents can find decent flights!

And praying for my aunt  and her family

Prayer of thanks

So many things to blog about, and for a change all of them amazing.  

I can only thank God for all the He has bestowed on us these last months.

So many happy things, yet I have a hard time believing this is my life after all that we have been through the last years.   But it really is.

Lets start with the most glorious news.

Two couples, one specially very,  very close to my heart since they are part of my family,  are pregnant with Napro and I am their practitioner.

 I have been working with both for over a year and have felt their pain, longing,  desperation each time we have talked.  

With very limited resources still in place here its a nightmare to try to be faithful and try to find an answer to IF.  Finding doctors, medicines, medical tests, etc that are acceptable takes forever.

Somehow after all this time I see that my IF has a purpose and its to help other couples find what most probably I found too late due to my age.

I knew it had one, yet I am seeing so clearly for the first time.  

The horrible pain I felt for so many years  helps me  understand their pain and help them in ways I could not have ever imagined.  

I know what miscarriage after IF feels like, how an U/S appointment can be the most terrifying experience ever, what each BFN feels like.

And with my IF I have been able to help several couples find help and finally get pregnant.  My last count is 9 babies,  including 1 adoption.  Wow.  

But this is the one that I have felt closet to my heart.

I was also  the very,  very first  to know that they were for sure pregnant.

 An immense privilege.

She had been late with her period after the first cycle with Fe..mara, but was terrified of doing the  home pregnancy test so she waited for P+17 .  I knew this was an important cycle (new medications plus U/S)  and I had been waiting for her call.

 The call never came on Friday and on Sunday I had to call them for another thing and after several minutes,  she told me:   "I think I am pregnant".   Yet instead of joyful she was terrified.

The test was testing positive, but was very,  very faint  and  since she had taken HCG that cycle was sure it was a false positive.

She could not believe her eyes.

She called the doctor afterwards who ordered a b/w panel with HCG and progesterone.

On Monday I called her later in the day and she was still waiting for the b/w results.  The lab,  out of the ordinary, was late with the results.   More than 4 hours late.

We were on pins and needles hour after hour.

But as I was driving home her number appeared on my phone.   She could not get a hold of her doctor and her DH was driving on a freeway  and she was afraid to tell him the news,  so she called me so somebody could confirm what she was reading on the lab email.  

And read out loud the reading.

HCG was over 3,000.

Progesterone: 40

She was pregnant, finally after more than 4 years of waiting and 1 year of Napro.

 She started sobbing on the phone and so did I.

I was soooo happy for them. Truly ecstatic. A joy I only felt when I also was pregnant for the very first time.  

And although I have not been able to get pregnant again and might never be, I saw a purpose to all that my DH  and I had been through.  

We were being fruitful in ways we could not have imagined years ago.

Although many persons will not get pregnant even with the right treatment (like us), I know that having somebody that understands is already a major gift.  Like this blogging community which was my only way to feel somebody understood.

And this combined with many good things have made for some truly glorious weeks.

• Our second adoption will happen most probably this year and we are closing all the adoption follow ups with JM  (2 years of medical and social worker visits finally come to an end!).  
• My work is going amazingly well, with the additional blessing that I am doing a huge project to help several NGO`s, including the largest crisis pregnancy network here.   And the results are  amazing.   3 times more women seeking  and finding help than ever before.   I truly could not be more happy for this.  
• We are moving soon to a better location for our family life.   The buyer for our apartment has made the final offer and we have accepted and the apartment for rent that we fell in love with is still available.   All timings are coming together much better than I could have ever dreamt of.  We will probably be moving end of April, much nearer to our families and my work.  

 Still.....

My nature is to wait for the other shoe to drop.

My life the last 5 years has been mostly a nightmare  of IF, medical emergencies, job loss, deaths in the family.   I reached my lowest moment 2 years ago after our miscarriage,  horrible medical complications and the job loss of my DH.

Only our adoption of the most amazing little boy was able to lift me out of the nightmare.

After all that we have been through I am having a hard time believing this is our life, yet it truly is.

The life we have worked so hard to build.  

This Lent my prayer is of thanks.

Many changes our way!

I have not written in a very long time.   Maybe I am somewhat ashamed of having written  here about my fight with my mom after Christmas, but I also know I needed an outlet for this and I feel my blog is the place for it.  Also we  will be going through many changes in our lives in the coming months and I am somewhat assimilating the.   .

 In the end after our fight  my mom called me 4 days later (I had been  very sick during these days)  and invited us again back to spend New Years with everybody.   If you knew my mom you would know this is major, I never in a million years would have expected it.  

My very silent dad also did something utterling surprising, he came to my house a day before to talk to me and told me my mom had been out of place, but that she loved me deeply and was suffering a great deal. He could  not take sides he said, but wanted me to know that my mom and him loved me very very much.  

I was actually very moved by this act by my dad.    He did not try to intervene, just wanted to see how I was doing and try to explain to me how he saw things.   This was truly a gift since my dad is very reserved and like a once in a lifetime opportunnity told me many things that I did not know and that made me understand a little bit more about my mom.

My brother  also called me when my sister told  him  and told me he understood and that he loved me very much.  

This was also an unexpected gift since my brother is somewhat like my dad. Reserved and not very affectionate at all.    All of this has made a major shift in my family and has helped bring out a lot of things that needed to be sorted out.

In the end I know  I am very blessed to come from a very loving family, with its human defects like any other and all this drama reminded me that in the end its the most important to love and to be loved.

On the other hand this beginning of the year has been full of decisions and it had become clear that this year will be full of changes.

 In my heart I have been having to sort out my feelings, because while I love to travel and try new things all the time, its also very true that I need a lot of stability.  But the changes coming are all very good so I am actually looking forward to them.  

Its become very clear in the last months that we will need to sell our home and go live somewhere else very soon .  We love our  appartment (1 of only 3)  one that has a large garden, and from all windows you can see trees and there is no noise whatsover. All of this a blessing in a city such as Mexico.   We remodeled it completely from scratch choosing every single little detail and it was our home almost since the beginning of our marriage, still we need to sell it and move


But now the time has come.   Soon we will not fit and also its not near from my job,  nor the schools we want.   I need to make my life easier and to be able to spend as much time with JM and this is not helping.  Every single day I drive to work I wish we lived much closer.  

Also we would be a lot closer to our families, which is an added bonus.   So we have been soul searching  and decided  on an area and to rent for  one or 2 years, which is maybe strange since we are homeowners now.   But for many reasons this is the best decision for our family.  So we are house hunting the next  days and hope to move in a couple of months.


For over a year and a half a couple has been calling us offering to buy it.  They had come late to buy my brother´s (who lived one floor down from us) and then saw ours and offered us right away to buy it.    For months they called us to offer . The last time was December, but we were not sure then, but we will contacting them now to see if they are still interesed, if not we will be house selling and searching at the very same time.  

On the bad side and this also major for us we will most probably lose our nanny which has been amazing for the last years. She has been with us now for 4 years, first as a cleaning lady for just one day a week until she became JM nanny after seeing her with him for many months.    She does not live  near where we live and I am almost sure she will  need to find another job and us another nanny.  Its truly like losing a part of our family.

We also should be parents again this year.  (my heart skips a beat when I write this!) 

Our adoption  process continues moving ahead and in February we will have the second adoption course (3 full days on adoption and now with more in depths subjects), then more paperwork,   more courses and then more waiting.   But the end seems near and time is finally moving very fast.      After April 21th (JM´s 2nd  birthday)  the Mexican governement says that we can become parents again and from there is could be anytime in the next 3 to 9 months that a baby is placed in our home.   Nerve racking, but soo  exciting
  
I will also stay home for maternity leave for 5 to 6 months.  A big change again and we will also need to make a decision to continue  or  not to purse biological motherhood since I will turn 42 this year.

We also will be needing to see if JM starts some sort of pre school or something this year.   With the change of home, a new sibling, losing his nanny, we have been pondering if its the right time for him to go to school for a few hours a day to give him some stability.   We would need to do it before all the mayhem starts and he does not feel displaces.

And while this is going on I have been promoted in my job which means that I now have  a team in place and will probably have more people reporting to  me soon.  This is rather than more work a huge relief since I can focus more on strategy and this gives me added flexibility.  Still its a big change.  

  I am very happy where I  work now  (even if I would love to work half time only), I have a lot of flexibility, a great boss and team and  the greatest thing of all I have been able to develop my own projects .  I designed together with my  boss an NGO program in which we "adopt" 3 NGO´s and help them develop an online strategy.  One of them is a crisis pregnancy nework ( a huge one)  that just in 4 weeks saw the number of calls asking for help double . This is major since this is only the  beginning and each day at home the enromous blessing that adoption is I smile each day  I have news from this project.

So many things at once, yet my heart is at peace and joyful, more joyful than in a long time.

 

From bad to worse

After all the holiday drama we have been back home and all that could go wrong has happened.

I had not been feeling well and I attributed it to the stress of the last days, but yesterday I woke up feeling all dizzy with terrible nausea and JM during breakfast started throwing up.  He in his whole life never had thrown up so we were very worried.

My DH had to leave home  early for his annual family breakfast and to celebrate with his brothers and sister his parents 50th wedding anniversary that had been in the plans for months.    So he left all worried, but I encouraged him to leave as I saw JM better.

The next hours were terrible,  diarrhea and vomit on my side, a very active 20 month old who had been able to eat breakfast finally, etc. Never in my life have I been so sick from the stomach, I could not move without feeling like falling.

My DH arrived later and luckily I had been able to put JM for an early nap and maybe since he did not  feel himself he slept for 3 hours, very unusual for him. So I had this time off.

I could not hold anything down, not even a drop of water and things were getting worse by the hour.  Thank God JM was doing much better and could eat normally.

By 3 p.m I was very weak, could not move from the couch and decided to call the doctor who said to not drink anything for 2 hours and then start slowly with ice cold water and later some kind of drink to replace the salts I had lost and a vitamin injection. He also said that if this did not get better then I would need to go to the hospital ASAP since I would need an IV.

How we were going to manage with JM and a hospital stay I had no idea.

Well I ended up also not being able to take the water as he told me  and called the doctor for new instructions.  He said he wanted to try something first, an anti vomiting medication via injections, before heading to the hospital.  

Thank God DH had recently learned to give injections and so an hour later the medicine arrives from the pharmacy and immediately I start to feel less dizzy and like I can hold some water.

Later I can drink from the other medicine, but I am still very weak and cannot eat anything.  By then I am trembling and having 3 covers over me did not stop it.   So we go to bed and even while feeling sick I can sleep some hours.

Today I wake up very weak (I have not had food in over 36 hours and limited water) with a throbbing headache and a body that hurts everywhere, but thankfully no nausea.   I will need to take the rest of today very easy while seeing a very messy house and JM for some reason has been crying a lot, very unusual for him.  Arghhhh!

DH seems to be OK but has been complaining all day of his stomach.

And  all our vacation  plans are now on hold.

In all this drama my dad called me today to see how we were doing  (he had no idea I had been sick), but instead of making things better we ended up having a discussion.  I told him that my mom words were out of line and he said he could not take sides and that it had been my mistake telling my mom private things.   He said my mom was this way and that I needed to be wiser.

My dad was very,  very sad that we would not spend New Years with them  and the rest of the days with my nice and nephew and I ended up crying again.

 I feel like such a bad Christian for not being able  to forgive my mom,  but her words have hurt me deeply many times and every single time I have had to be the one to ask for forgiveness when it has not been even my fault.

 I think I need some time away from her to establish some boundaries and make clear that this is not acceptable.  I cannot change her, but I need to protect my heart.

Still it hurts tremendously.

Holiday triggers and drama

This Christmas has not gone as planned and as I write this I am very sad.

Working like crazy before the holidays trying to close everything in order to spend time with family, big family expectations on both sides, being pulled into many directions and then Christmas day and yesterday.

My DH and I had planned for a very long time to spend many days (almost 2 weeks) at my parents house with the rest of my family, yet today we are back home with no plans for the next days and very sad.

My paren,s when my dad retired,  built their dream home 45 minutes from the city in a beautiful location near the woods.  Instead of downsizing they grew by a lot  (we 5 family members lived in a very,  very small house all our lives)

 Their plan has always been to have space for their children and grandchildren so we could stay and have also a lot of space in terms of garden and trees.

 We were to spend with them at this beautiful place since last Sunday to celebrate Advent until early January, right before Ephifany which is a very important holiday here.  My sister and her family would come and go since this year Christmas was at the inlaws and leave 4th of January.   My brother would arrive on the 30th spend the rest of the days with us.

 The cousins, my sisters 2 children, and JM could spend a lot of time together and get to know each other now that JM is older.    All seemed perfect and specially compared to my DH side.

On my DH side things have been tense in the last weeks.   There were 3 out of the 5 children spending this year at home on the 25th.  (my family celebrates Mexican style dinner on the 24th and DH side has lunch on the 25th)

Participating would be one  brother who is divorced and has no family (who is always grumpy and is very controlling, yet is striving to be more easy going and making great strides), his other brother with his wife and 2 children and my FIL.  This second brother  is very nice and good hearted, yet has a very,  very difficult wife that puts my FIL on edge each and everytime  and neither of them help in any way, shape or form unless you give them clear instructions and push them.  

My FIL since becoming a widower has had to take the reins of an enourmous house (far too big for 1 person) and the holidays overwhelm him.  My MIL did a production of them using her 5 children as  help and expectations are always very very high.    This one was no exception.   Basically my SIL and my DH take the reins, but this year she was not home so all fell on my DH and I .

For weeks he had been nervous since he would be hosting these 2 not easy sons and had relied a lot on my DH to listen to his worries.  My DH is the one always helping and the peaceful one.   A few days ago I had asked my FILwhat was missing and found out that he needed more help than expected.  So my DH and I set out shopping at the very last minute for food items so we could prepare the eggnog, salad and desserts for 12 people, while preparing to leave all ready to be out of home for 2 weeks.

Since my FIL was nervous about these 2 sons   he decided to invite my parents to lunch on the 25th to make things less tense.   I knew all along that it was not a good idea, but since he was hosting I did not have a say.

We spent the 24th at my parents very nicely and then set out early for my FILs house so we could help.  The appointment was for noon so we could open presents and then prepare the rest.

When DH and I arrived we encountered a disaster.

My FIL told us that a lot was missing and you could see anger and fear in his eyes,   the girl they had hired to help out  was pouting since she said it was too much work,  my BIL still in pijamas after trying to find tons of things and no sight of the other brother.

Well my DH and I had to start giving instructions, working like crazy and we began to sort everything out, so when the other brother arrived 2 hours late all was ready.

His wife acted all surprised that all was ready and said she had been prepared to help out, yet had had other important things to do and time had passed.  The look on my FILs face was priceless.   Lets say this was expected and it was even more clear when my DH and his brother started serving the tables, cleaning around and  she, her husband and children did nothing.  NOTHING!

Later my parents arrived and you could feel all of us very tense.  We tried to make the most of things and had a pleasant time, yet it was not easy and my parents were in shock of this attitude of the wife and brother.   I decided to sit still at the table letting my DH do the work so  I would not leave my parents alone at this very formal dinning room.

My parents left not very late and we left soon after.

When we arrived at my parents house my sister had arrived and we experienced an amazing night playing with the children , etc and the same the next day.   JM was laughing like crazy and he could not stop kissing his cousins.  Later my dad commented to me how surprised he had been about the attitude of this brother and his wife, but left it at that.

During all this time my mom had been also very tense.   She is not an easy person, is not sociable at all,   gets overwhelmed easily and all three of us at one time or another have had major fights with her, well into adulthood.    She is a very good woman, yet had many times very harsh words for us and even more so when stressed.

My dad on the other hand is easy going, very sociable and practical.

So all day  yesterday I see my mom in a bad mood, yet I could not pin point what was going on.  Maybe it was having all of us there, maybe the scene of my FILs house, no idea.

I spent the morning with her at the farmers market buying the food for the next days and helping her carry tons of vegetables and fruits, etc. and she seemed to relax.  We had a chat about the wife of the brother and how shocking their attitude was and left it at that.

Since it was late we decided all (my sisters family, us and my parents)  to have lunch at a restaurant that my parents knew well and had enjoyed, but we had never been to before.  The whole thing was horrible.    The food, the service (took forever etc).   We were all tired after waiting hours  around for bad food.

So I come back to the table from walking the children in the gardens and out of nowhere my mom tells me I am exactly like my DH´s SIL.

The wife of this brother who is so very difficult and never helps out.

   My mom said she had been observing me the other day  at my FILs house and I was slowly becoming like a little her.

If you knew her, you would know this is the very worst thing a person can say you are.  She is neurotic, lazy and in general not a nice person.  

I have no idea why she said this, but it hurt me profoundly and I started crying.   Well one thing led to the other and we started fighting and I left making the decision to leave my parents house and return home.  

 I simply could not deal getting hurt this way.

My sister called me a few minutes later and said she agreed my mom had been completely out of line and that the comment was meant to hurt and while it hurt her deeply she agreed it was best to leave.  She would make sure that we see each other next week and that the children get to spend many hours together.

She said that this is why she keeps my mom out of her inlaws lives since the exact same thing had happened to  her  years ago.  My mom mixing her worry for us  (I am sure she is worried about my inlaws situation) with very harsh judgements without reason.

My DH was also supportive and agreed this was a comment completely out of line, perhaps out of stress, but that it was meant to hurt and that he could not see us spending the rest of the days with my parents.   This coming from the most peaceful man ever.

My dad has been silent since then.

We arrived home last night and my heart and head hurt so much that I could not sleep,.  I am hearbroken my son cannot spend more time with his grandparents and cousins, yet truly I cannot forget these very harsh words from my mom.   Why in the world would she use them?

What we will do the next days with no plans whatsoever I have no idea.   My first vacations in over a year and this happens and worse,  much worse during Christmas.  


So so sad.