On angels and babies

Today is a very special day, a hard day in some senses, but also a day of thanks.

Today is the Feast day of the Archangels Raphael, Gabriel and Michael.

I had never been one to reflect very much on this day, but today is very special.

I have now a little baby in Heaven named after St. Michael, Miguel whom I miscarried almost a month ago.

I am now a mother thanks to this baby, a mother of a baby that is in Heaven among the angels and named after one.

I know that angels are messengers and although Miguel is not one, he is among them, being taken care by them and one of them I am sure sent us his name.

How his name came to be is something that I am still in awe. I never planned it, but I know deeply in my heart that it was meant to be. It has given me enourmous peace and also strenght that I did not know I had. I think angels can help you as messengers with this. Also its a sign that my guardian angel and the one from Miguel are with us.

The day we found out that we had miscarried also was a day of many hard decisions:

Do an D&C or wait it out, how to tell our families who very extremely happy that after so long we were finally pregnant, whom to inform in our circle that was not family and a very important one: how to name our baby.

My mother rushed to our side that afternoon after it was confirmed that the baby had died in utero (we still held a little hope that there had been a mistakein the U/S) and the doctor confirmed that I would need to have the D&C early morning the next day.

Our dear doctor, a very Catholic man full of peace, offered to baptize the baby after the D&C and we felt this was a clear sign that God was with us.

My mom sat with us during this horrible time of wait. I cannot describe how this feels. My body held the body of my own baby, yet we felt his presence was now somewhere else.

During this time my mother mentioned that the baby was an angel (not exacly theologically accurate, but an image that was very comforting) and that perhaps we should name it in honor of one and mentioned Rafael and Gabriel, specially saying that Rafael was the one that did the Annunciation.

Right then and there and I do not know why I knew the name of the baby was Miguel, Michael in Spanish.

A baby that I thought would be a girl and a name that I never considered in case it was a boy. A forgoten name from our many options of names.

Michael, pronunced in German as my father is German, has always been my favorite name, but I had give up on it years ago due to my husband´s last name which is very Spanish and difficult.

It never occurred to me that Miguel was a possibility.

Yet, it was to be the name.

The name of the great Archangel, the great protector, the symbol of the victory of goodness over evil.

So today I remember my baby and ask for the protection of the angels, specially St. Michael.