It has been a long and bumpy road and many times I have almost given up on it. I am not the strongest person and prayer has been certainly lacking from my part. As always I was very Martha and relied on my own strenght. Yet God certainly knows this and when I am about to give up gives the most amazing signs.
I made the decision to study this one night after months of reading about these amazing women in the Catholic IF blog community and by the yahoo Catholic IF group that somehow someway I needed to be near Napro.
I did not even know where Omaha was, nor what it would mean in terms of money, nor time. I only knew that I wanted this for myself, to find a cure like the one I was reading over and over on the blogs and to teach others like the blogs had done to me.
Then out of the blue Napro began appearing on a weekly basis in my life here and weeks later I ended up in Omaha. I cannot even explain it to this day.
During the months ahead as I mentioned I almost gave up on this several times. I had all kinds of excuses to give up, but somehow every excuse was destroyed days later.
After my miscarriage I had a very strong spiritual battle and decided to give up on FertiltyCare. I did not want to face my clients after what I felt for a few days to be my failure. I know now it was not, but I felt that way.
I also was very mad at God.
"Hey, I have gone to Omaha and begun spreading the Napro word here and this is how you treat me? I lose my baby after 3 years of heartbreaking IF ?"
Like a spoiled child I said to myself if You do this to me, then I am no longer to continue helping You in this. God must have smiled at this spoiled brat.
In the hospital I make the definitive decision to write to everybody that I was done.
God decided to say otherwise. He continued to pull me in despite my rebelion.
The very next day once I am home after the hospital one of my client calls me.
She is pregnant thanks to Napro after facing IF.
This is the second Napro pregnancy of my CrMS charters. First was mine and then hers. wow... a pregnancy of my clients!! It was so amazing! In the midst of my rebelion to God I know need to do my very first pregnancy evaluation.
Yet I continue to rebel and I say after this evaluation I am done.
In the darkest days following my second hospital stay of 4 days 3 amazing women from Mexico finally decide to become practitioners. They are in Omaha right now. They tell me that after they come back we will meet to build the first FertilityCare center here.
I do not send the email. I will speak with them later when they come back that I cannot do it anymore.
One week ago the first doctor decides to go after we had hounded him for months. The first gynecologist from Latinamerica. Young, very very bright and very pro-life. He is also in Omaha right now. Asks me to send clients his way when he is back.
Is as if He is being very patient with this spoiled brat and continues to reign her in.
even after so many signs He was there and He will provide for Napro here I continue to doubt. The email is in my computer ready to be sent.
I go to the Church where I used to teach CrMS. I am afraid to meet with my first client after my miscarriage since she also has miscarried several times and is looking for Napro to help her. I still feel so emotionally weak that I am afraid I might not be able to help her.
I tell her that even if i miscarried that Napro is a gift and that it works. She tells me the kindest words ever: that my miscarriage will help others as I will understand what they feel. I cry.
I go to confession a few minutes later and speak about my lack of prayer and strenght to continue.
The priest tells me his superior, had just assigned him to dedicate his time to diseminating the message of Napro. Assigned him.
He will go to Omaha in April and asked me what he needed to do to work with me.
I also cry. We have a priest. God is yet again saying: "woman of poor faith! even if you rebel I know what is best for you"
and moments after my confession and a few minutes of adoration...
I go out and a very close friend of mine tells me: "my sister was given your name, can she meet with you?"
"She went to Florida on a business trip and went to a doctor in Orlando to get an opinon on her IF and the doctor sent her back to you".
I had just met the sister days ago. The sister is there right now. She is never in this Church, but yesterday is there.
Her sister is amazed. Out of this city of millions she is refered to me days later after meeting me for the first time during a pic-nic.
She is almost at the end of the road after 6 doctors and 11 years of IF and countless treatments. Her DH found online about this doctor and decides on a whim to go. The doctor tells them he can help long distance, but first they need to meet with this crazy practitioner from Mexico.
She knows me. I am her sisters friend from Church. Out of the thousands of churches in this city. She asks me if I will work with her.
I erase the email where I quit.
How can I quit after sign after sign that He will bring this here ? He has brought amazing women, a priest, a doctor and a never ending stream of clients. More than ever I can see clearly that Napro is His work and regardless of our strenghts, lack of, or rebelions He will see to it.