Wednesday, November 16, 2011

The unexpected gift of adoption

Adoption has so many gifts its almost impossible to list them all.

But I have been thinking a lot about one quite unexpected one. That once you open your heart to adoption many times you also become a participant in other adoptions.

The gift amazingly multiplies. Just like other thing from God.

Its like a domino effect.

Let try to explain what I have experienced now over 3 times.

The seed in our hearts to adopt came first mainly via the Catholic IF blogs. I read nights about others adoption path . I celebrated each adoption with tears of joy and shed tears of pain when adoptions did not go trough. I still do . Its amazing the universality of our faith.

Me alone in Mexico speaking another language facing the same fears and hopes in my IF struggle.

I did not know people that had adopted. My family was new to this and I was afraid. I had heard terror stories. Over the course of one year reading about it in the blogs I began to see it as an option for us. The joy people shared over adoption

Our road to adoption was a 3 year one. The first year all alone yet hoping through the blogs and the next year asking questions, speaking to other couples, reading, praying and starting the baby steps of opening our hearts. We were also in the midst of getting a diagnosis after almost 2 years of IF and me feeling very sick from hormonal issues that were wrongly diagnosed.

In this second year out of the blue we met 3 couples that were on this path: One (a Mexican and a Mexican / Colombian) who had adopted internationally from Colombia twice, another who was wating to adopt here who had left Europe (Belgium) and were waiting and another had also left Europe (Spain) where she was Mexican and had adopted here and in El Salvador and were waiting for their 3 rd adoption in Mexico. All of them opened their hearts to us.

We can say in part they were responsible for us adopting as well as the Catholic Adoption blogs. Without all of these testimonies we would not be parents today.

And amazingly my DH and I can say the same now. A quite unexpected gift. More than 3 times this has happened to us. We have been witnesses of the same thing.

The first time we saw this was about 1.5 years ago. A dear friend called me and wanted us to meet with a couple facing IF. The wanted to learn about Creigh.ton.

My dear friend also asked me to invite the Belgian couple along so the 3 couples facing IF could talk. I would have never envisioned where this talk would take us all.

We met at a cafe and conversation was easy. They asked tons of questions about Napro and were extremely interested. They wanted to learn ASAP. ´

Then they asked me about its uses in IVF and IUI. This was their main interest. How it could help them make it more successful.

I was a new practitioner and this was such a charged question. I prayed to my guardian angel for guidance. I did not know their issues, but began to explain the importance of diagnosis and treatment. And then they told me their reality.

He had had an illness as a boy and he was no longer producing any sperm. They had been using donated sperm for IUI´s for several months with no success.

I could see this man´s pain. His wife was so eager to have a baby that she was not seeing what this was causing him. It was obvious his heart was broken not only by their IF, but by the way she was not seeing that she actually was bringing a 3rd party into their marriage.

Out of nowhere I felt I could tell them the truth directly.

I told them point blank they were breaking the marital bond by using a another mans sperm. He smiled and she quietly began to cry.

He said yes with his head. He was thinking this all along!!!

Then I mentioned that there also must be also something off with her if after many attempts doing IUI she was still not pregnant.

She said: "But I want to be a mother any way I can.! She was even considering egg donation or surrougacy"
And both the Belgian couple and my DH and I asked them: "Do you want to be pregnant or be parents? and what is first your marriage or motherhood?"

And so began a lenghty discussion about adoption. The Belgian couple gave their testimony (they had left everything behind in order to adopt here) and we gave ours. both filled with joy.

They had never met similar people to them that were eager to adopt. We broke all their preconceptions. I even told them to check out the blogs.

We discussed that adoption was a first option, not a second class one.

We left as the restaurant was about to close and the day after the friend that had introduced us told me: "They spent the night talking , did not sleep anything at all and feel that they are called to adopt. Just like that".

The husband finally was able to tell her how he felt about the IUI´s and she never again brought the subject up. From what I know adoption became their sole pursuit.

I lent them all my books on adoption in the next weeks and a few months later they were in the process to adopt. It was such a miracle.

A few months ago they became parents. Of a healthy baby boy. Called Juan Pablo in honor of the Pope JPII.

My friend called me excitedly the day it happened. She said: "Because they saw the happiness both couples irradiated and that both of you were so sure of this and not doing IVF or IUI for the very first time they thought adoption was an option. You never know what your words and example might do to others."

I still have tears in my eyes thinking about it.

Later in 2010 I had the pleasure of meeting an amazing couple. She was over 42 and both had several issues related to IF, but no definitive diagnosis after 15 years of marriage . They were refered to me by a US doctor who had watched a TV program on Catholic TV about Napro.

They did not want to do IVF, yet they knew that they were running out of time. She desperately wanted to be a mother.

She was open to adoption, he was not. Actually he was complelelty closed to it. He believed he would never be able to love an adopted child.

Over the time we became friends. My DH and I also openly discussed our adoption path.

Very slowly he began to ask questions. Tons of them. His wife and I began to share information.

A few months ago they called me. They had begun the adoption journey! with our same agency!!!

In a whirlwind of God incidences they were accepted (nothing short of a series of miracles) and just 2 weeks after we became parents I received the most amazing message late at night.

I still have it in my phone. It said in Spanish:

"An unexpected miracle: the Virgin and Our Lord gave us our son last night and we are happy parents."

Below he included a picture of mother and son.

We were the first to find out after their own family.

It was complelty unexpected. They became the first parents to adopt with our agency in their state. Due to the health of the baby he was placed in emergency mode with them. The baby could not have better parents.

The baby now shares the same name as his father.

We met the baby at Josemaria´s baptism. We called Josemaria and this little baby : cousins by love.

And on Monday of this week.

I receive the most amazing message.

Let me tell the story.

I met E. at an investment course about 2.5 years ago.

She was facing several health issues and slowly began to tell me she had stage 4 endo and had lost an ovary in the course of a laparoscopy. She had decided to stop working and focus on IVF.

She was keen on doing it and was slowly preparing herself for it. I am not sure if she did it or not. .

Well during the following months she kept calling me asking me about endo, diets, acupucture, etc. never doing Creig.ton. Just checking in with questions.

During these calls I always asked her if she was not considering adoption. She said yes, but was afraid. And she wanted to give IVF one or 2 tries before giving up. She was obsessed with the subject.

Later she began asking me questions via chat in skype. It was like she was opening herself up to adoption, yet did not do it openly. Little questions here and there between questions about vitamins, alternative therapies, etc.

One day she asks me to meet. Could they come to my house?

They came and met with my DH and I. She wanted me to explain to them about Napro, but the talk ended up being about adoption. We spoke over 5 hours and they left with all my adoption books. Several recommended by the blogs.

I did not hear from them in the next months.

Then one day she calls me. They needed the letter of recommendation of a priest. What???

They had started the adoption proceedings in her home town. A city in the north of Mexico.

She went every Sunday to Mass, yet since they had begun to live in a new neighborhood and did not know the new priest.

Could I help her?

I called my priest friend and explained the situation. He offered to help them after having a talk with them. They met with him and he gave them the letter of recommendation.

Over the next months she again began contacting me by leaving me messages in Skype.

Questions about our own process in adoption. Costs, dates, how to tell family.

Then one day she asks me for a letter of recommendation.

And then when Josemaria came, she began contacting me weekly asking me about what I felt, did I love him the same, etc.

And then this past Monday via Skype again. She tells me she has become a mother. Of a baby boy.

After her family we were the first to know. I shed tears again of joy.

I was so happy for her. I still have not seen pictures of the baby, but she is now with him.

My take from all of this is that we need to share in any way we can the joys of adoption. We never know whose hearts will be changed by it .

Exactly like the bloggers did with me 3 years ago.


  1. You are a witness to so much happiness!!!! How happy our Lord must be with you!

  2. I'm always amazed at how clearly the Lord works through you! It's so beautiful!

  3. Oh my goodness! This is the greatest post, with the most beautiful stories of hope and inspiration and how your witness and your love has affected others and built families with God in the center!

    So beautiful!!

  4. Wow! I was blown away by the first story of the couple who stopped doing IUI & IVF, but then you added two more stories!!! Unbelievable!
    You ARE an inspiration. It was a pleasure to read this great post!!!