Thursday, November 17, 2011

A young mother and newborn baby in crisis

As I wrote about it a couple of weeks ago I never in my life imagined being part of a crisis pregnancy and seeing the other side of the adoption agency coin.  Well  the saga continues and its such a hard reality that my heart aches.  It makes teen pregnancy all the more real for me. 

As you might remember working at  my home  a few days a week is "E" an amazing woman born into poverty that cleans houses for a living.  She is married and has 2 children for whom she has given her whole life.   She has worked for me for 3 years  now and has become part of our family.  

Without even suspecting it her 15 year old daughter Diana was pregnant and had been hiding her pregnancy from them until the 7th month when her father confronted her.   Her plan had been to run away.

They had no clue other than she did not want to study anymore and was far moodier than normal.  she had been wearing a girdle and oversized clothes the whole time.   Even taking Karate classes!

We found a place for her at  same crisis pregnancy center where Josemaria´s mother  had been, yet she  did not want to go.  She refused. 

What I did not know is that the next weeks she just sat in her room.  Not venturing out, not doing anything.    Just staring at the walls and coming out to eat and helping her mother in just the basics.

After many,  many talks with her parents she accepted to go and we took her 2 weeks  ago.  In the last month of her pregnancy.    They took her in and proceeded to give her therapy, medical assitance and all the help they could.  The birth was to be around the week of the 21st of November 

On  Friday 11th in the  afternoon  E  received a call while she was working here.  Her 15 year old daughter was going into labor.  

In panic  she came to me not knowing what to do and  I started making some calls.  We printed the map where the hospital was located, we called the agency and we left with Josemaria in tow to leave her nearer her home so she could pick up her son and leave for the hospital. Time was of essence.

On Sunday night she called.  The baby girl  named after the Virgin of El  Pilar from Spain  was born Saturday morning  very healthy and both mother and daughter were doing OK.  They were released Monday early. 

Finally E could breath.

But it did not end here.

The crisis pregnancy agency provides after the birth a temporary home where the pregnant women can recuperate and think about the future.   In order to remain there they need to adhere to a stric schedule.   They can stay some 2 to 3 weeks and afterwards go home or to another agency now open to women with babies.

On Tuesday E´s daugher called.   They needed to pick her up this Friday since the agency said so.   One week after the birth.

E was in shock and asked me to call the agency which I did yesterday.

The news were not good. 

E´s daughter Diana was not cooperating with the agency´s program.     Before the birth she had stayed in her room and done little,  but be there in silence.  She did not participate in the many activities including schooling, therapy, prayer, etc.   She just sat in her room.   Just like she had been doing at home.

Then after the birth the very same.   She has  just stayed in her room doing nothing,  but taking care of the baby (who sleeps most of the time) and not participating in anything.   the program motivates the girl to take the baby to everything and get up and working very soon after the birth, yet she did not do any of this.  Not really rebeling in a direct way, but more in a state of indiference.

 The director of the agency said that under these circumstances she is breaking all the rules of the agency and causing issues with the other girls since they were seeing her slack off..

I had to tell E this.  It broke my heart.   She could not believe it.

E is the hardest working woman I know.  She has worked since she was 16 cleaning homes and at  her home from a very very young age taking care of her siblings. Her parents were very,  very poor and did not let her continue with school.  She writes with many mistakes and can do basic math, yet is so inspirational due to her work ethic.   She is also wise beyond her 38 years, has a happy marriage and until now never had issues with her children.  For one year she came to work with her son who was not yet in school and I can attest to the great care she took of her children.  The boy was extremely polite, clean, well behaved. etc.   A very sweet sweet boy. 

She gets up every day at 5 a.m and cleans her own home, wakes her children up, gives breakfast and cooks lunch and  takes them to school and leaves to get to work at 8:30.  

Then works from 9:30 to 5:30 cleaning houses and then leaves again to cook dinner, do schoolwork with her childen and wait for her husband and give him dinner  until 9 p.m .   She is able to get to bed after 11 p.m day in and day out.   They go to Mass each Sunday and are devout Catholics.

I really do not know how she does it. 

After telling her the bad news I  asked  her to talk directly to the agency director  for more details and she did.

More of the same.

She said that Diana was not cooperating with anything and therefore had to leave earlier than anticipated.    They said the doors were open to continue with weekly therapy and that she could come Tuesday and Thursdays to  take beauty school classses, yet could not remain in the home. This from a girl that had never given problems who had always helped out at home and who until a few months ago was in high school with average grades, who wanted to become a teacher or a beautician.

and worse news: None of the other homes for women with children had space.   They had to give priority to girls without parents and had a very,  very long waiting list.  E and Diana would be on their own.   I made several calls yesterday and the same story.  All the good ones, mostly run by nuns,  are packed.

E asked for more time and she will pick Diana and Pilar up in one week.  I might drive them home.

This Saturday both E and her husband will speak with Diana and have her face reality,  she is now a mother in charge of a little baby who depends on everything from her.

Diana will need to stay at home while her mother leaves for work each day and face the reality of being a mother at 15 and in poverty with both her parents needing to work. 

Her parents need the money to survive  and I am not sure it would be wise to offer  a place for Diana under these circumstances while her mother works at my home.   I am praying about it. 

Adoption in not in their radar and I need to respect this.

Both E and I are very worried about this little baby girl and her 15 year old mother, yet we are not experts.  

Can you please pray for them?

Any advice for those that have faced these types of siuations would be welcome.


  1. What a poor soul! I will keep her in my prayers.

    E sounds like an amazing woman, what a wonderful example of strength and faith! I am sure that God will help them through this time.

    I will also pray for you. I know that the L

  2. Oops!

    I know that the Lord is going to lead you in the right direction!

  3. I wondered how this situation was working out. I will keep praying and I hope that E will decide to participate in life and with the care of her baby. I'll be praying for her E's mom too. No doubt this is causing her unneeded stress. And of course, you'll be in my prayers for guidance as well.

  4. I am praying! But it sounds like Diana may be depressed or in shock/denial after trying to hide her pregnancy for so long. I hope the counseling helps her!

    I pray the Lord leads all of you to a solution that is good.