What seemed like finally a streak of good news has turned dramatically.
I blogged Monday that many things that had been worrying us were changing very fast for the better.
But it was not to be
Its like going from sunshine into darkness again in just a few days.
Not only several things have changed since Monday, but just a few minutes ago I have been told by my mom that my father has been diagnosed with cancer.
Yep.
CANCER.
The biopsy of last week found 4 points of cancer in his prostate out of 29 samples and so my family begins the roller coaster of emotions this type of news brings.
My mom told me to take it with the seriousness that the word cancer brings and that right now it can go from something manegable to horrible. We will know only in a few days.
It was too good to be true that there had not been hospitals, major illnesses or other things in the last months for DH and I.
DH and I cannot have more than 3 months pass without a major health crisis. And I mean major and this on top of IF which almost had killed my spirit.
And I am so tired of all of this!!!!!!!
Right now I truly feel like screaming to the heavens saying: Why why why?????
Have we not been through enough already in the last 4 years???? Really more?
We still do not know the extent of everything, but of course the word cancer is horrible to hear specially in a parent.
There are 3 paths right now:
1)It can be that they caught it extremely early and need only to do radiation and the cancer is located only there. Prognosis very good, but he would need regular checkups for the rest of this life for cancer. We are praying for this right now.
2)That they will need to remove the prostate with the many issues that this brings (he has other issues such as high blood pressure, some blood sugar issues which limit his options, plus he is 73 years of age), but prognosis would be good. He would need to be under doctors care for the rest of his life and have several types of treatments to prevent issues.
3) Or that there is cancer somewhere else and this is metastasis. Yep. There is the possibility and tomorrow he will be in the hospital for an extremely extensive round of testing to see if there is no cancer somewhere else. This would be the most horrible news ever.
And most probably this will continue next week and only until then we will know next steps.
My family history with cancer is not nice and this brings back all of the horrible memories.
My 37 year old uncle (my mom´s only brother) while expecting his first baby was diagnosed with tearduct cancer. One of the most unusual types of cancer ever. He died a horrible death 2 years later after losing his eye, money and many of his abilities. My beloved grandmother died of grief a few months later.
And the closest aunt from my dad´s side had at 40 breast cancer. Double mastectomy with recurrence. After using both western and alternative medicine she is now free of cancer, but she spent 2 years very,very sick and has lived with the shadow of cancer all her life.
So both my parents have had siblings with cancer and it was horrible. So I am sure this is on their minds right now.
This in addition to several news after I wrote my happy post on Monday. It has been one bad news after the other.
DH has been told he is in his new job and he was extremely happy as I blogged. A perfect fit for his heart and abilities.
But our hearts were broken Tuesday when he was told that he would begin with only 2 classes a month.
Yep, a month. And this could continue for a long time as they told him it probably would take years for him to have a full load. We knew there were few classes available, but 2 a month is nothing and to wait years for a full load brings us back almost to square one..
So its back to looking for a job.
He loves this new one, but its clear this will not be the answer for us.
On my job front....
On Tuesday after I also posted my blog that my boss and his boss were going to be helping me during my maternity and that my future looked promising, right afterwards I started receiving very bad news from global and some peers.
Yep. Not nice news which my boss has confirmed.
My company will be going through a major upheaval in the next months.
The workload for most people will double and I probably will be asked to increase my workload dramatically since I am one of the ones with the most experience.
No salary increases in the short and long term, probable major layoffs and merging of regions under one or 2 persons, etc.
And they were considering me for one of the positions that would result from the merginig of several ones. On the outside it would look amazing. Several regions under one person, but in reality really, really bad news and I might not be able to say no.
Yep right when our baby will come and I was looking to cut my workload as much as possible.
Bad news come in three right? I cannot take much more right now.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Monday, July 25, 2011
Major blessing and change time
Last week and today have been full of news and I am still wrapping my head around all that is going on.
It seems all of our novena´s are getting answers, but not exactly in the way we thought, but in some case even better.
DH´s work, my work and our appartment are probably all moving into new directions at the very, very same time on top of our coming adoption.
Our heads are spinning from all that is happening right now, but all of this looks like big blessings, just different from what we envisioned.
DH WORK
DH had the job interview on Thursday and we still are not 100% sure what roles he will have: teacher only with a few classes, many classes or a coordination role and all with very different incomes.
We only know that he will be a teacher, but this alone has made a major change in his spirit. One worth by itself all the money in the world and I really did not expect it to be so radical.
On Thursday they introduced him to everybody as a new member of the team at this institute, but told him that they were still making the decision of all he would do next. More waiting. ARghh.
So right now we still just know he has a new job BUT even with the uncertainty he is absolutely happy. Glowing.
Actually I have never seen him happier about his job life. Never.
Its like a weight has been lifted from him, even if its a few classes and we still depend on my job its is truly God sent to see him like this. It makes a world of difference to his spirit.
Thank you all very, very much for all the prayers last week.
Its a new beginning for him after suffering many years trying to be what they expected him to be.
My DH job story starts with a family that put a lot of pressure on their children to study specific things in order to be successful.
A lot of DH aunts and uncles were extremely successful individuals both in the academic and business world (3 uncles studied in Harvard, 1 aunt at MIT (doctor in physics and a teacher there) and one of my DH brothers has 2 master degress from Stanford and this is just the academic part. The pressure from this type of family is inmense and can be extremely damaging to those that do not fit the mold)
So my MIL and FIL both put a lot of pressure on the boys of the family to study first engeneering and then have an MBA at a top university like many of the uncles did.
And my DH and his 2 older brothers all did this. And it made them all very unhappy, but my DH specially since this is not by far his true calling.
So for many, many years my DH worked at jobs he hated with pressure from his family, but with this job he has the opportunity to do what he loves.
Teaching, working with people, not machines (he is an industrial engenieer with an MBA) and making a difference in people´s lives.
He will have another meeting tomorrow at this institute and then will leave for a whole weekend of classes in a week and a half and will probably start in a few weeks part time at least. We pray this is the beginning of a new career, one that will take him to a place where he is both happy and successful.
MY WORK
On Thursday also I had a lenghty talk with my boss.
The summary of the talk was: I have been offered officially to expand my Latin American job position to the USA and Canada. To manage my team in Mexico and Brasil, but also the one in the USA. The opportunity of a lifetime.
My boss adviced me not to take it as there would be no salary increase, just more work and specially at this time where we are expecting to adopt.
They would probably hold this against me in the short term and it would hurt my career, but I had to take the risk of saying no.
And my answer was going to be no.
BUT on Friday I got the call from a dear friend within the company and both the head of marketing in USA and the boss of my boss had asked him to call me and go over the proposal.
Basically its a first step for me in taking on over several global teams and not just more work. If I am successful with the USA/ Canada team I will later handle several remote teams and have the opportunity to grow in my postion to the level of my current boss or higher and most probably move to another region.
But the key thing here was to move from an operational role to a strategic one. He assured me this would not mean more work, but actually more freedom to work from home and even be more compatible with a family since what they needed was a strategist and not a manager like I have been up to now.
All weekend I could not make a final decision. I was very torn. It sounded too good to be true.
But then today, a few minutes ago, I received a call from the boss of my boss and we had a candid discussing. Actually I was very surprised by her attitude and a weight was lifted from my shoulders and she offered me an option I had not thought about at all.
She is over 40, very, very work driven, divorced on a long distance relationship with a man that travels almost 100 % of the time. A woman that perhaps would not understand about motherhood since she had told me specifically she never wanted to have children.
She actually was 100% supportive of me leaving for maternity for 4 months and told me not to make any decisions about this position until I have been able to experience motherhood and that they will wait for me when I come back to make a final decision.
As they stood now they do not have a person ready for the position other than myself and are willing to wait.
I was speechless.
We agreed on the following:
I would help the US team in the mean time until the baby comes and they will put an interim manager until I come back from maternity.
Once I come back they together with me will decide if I take on the role or not and its future.
So I would have the best of both worlds.
Motherhood and also the opportunity to grow professionally.
It probably is too good to be true and it might change once I come back from maternity leave, but I was very moved by her attitude of understanding that I am not at the point of making major professional decisions and that my focus right now is motherhood.
This is a major, major blessing. One that not many women have and I am extremely thankful to God for this.
APARTMENT
At the very, very same time all of this is going on we are also being offered the purchase of our appartment without even planning it. Yep, also this weekend.
I had written here that I lived in a three appartment building with an unusual arrangement.
DH and I lived on the top floor, my brother and his wife on the second and my brother´s BF on the 1st. A big happy family. I had found the building a few years ago right before my marriage and in a matter of 3 weeks all of us agreed to the purchase. It was an ideal setting for a family, but you all know what has happened to our plans.
My brother left his appartment a couple of months ago to move to a beautiful house he had built and had been thinking about renting when he decided it was best to sell.
Well in a matter of 2 weeks he had found a buyer and was about to sell the appartment when another buyer offered to purchase it at a higher price.
Since he had promised the appartment already he called me yesterday to check if we would be interested in selling.
At a top price. Cash. Now.
The buyer has been looking for over a year and wants the appartment at any price.
My DH and I know that we will be very tight regarding space once the baby comes and actually were thinking about selling in a couple of years at the most so this might move our plans. I am still too stunned to think.
With this opp we probably could rent an appartment very near my job (5 min), invest the money and make the transition to motherhood even smoother as I would be able to keep an eye on the baby and work. We currently live 45 minutes from my job and so this could be really helpful.
DH in a new job he loves, me with the opportunity to grow and also be a mother and a new appartment.
I cannot even believe that our luck has shifted so dramatically in just a few days.
It seems all of our novena´s are getting answers, but not exactly in the way we thought, but in some case even better.
DH´s work, my work and our appartment are probably all moving into new directions at the very, very same time on top of our coming adoption.
Our heads are spinning from all that is happening right now, but all of this looks like big blessings, just different from what we envisioned.
DH WORK
DH had the job interview on Thursday and we still are not 100% sure what roles he will have: teacher only with a few classes, many classes or a coordination role and all with very different incomes.
We only know that he will be a teacher, but this alone has made a major change in his spirit. One worth by itself all the money in the world and I really did not expect it to be so radical.
On Thursday they introduced him to everybody as a new member of the team at this institute, but told him that they were still making the decision of all he would do next. More waiting. ARghh.
So right now we still just know he has a new job BUT even with the uncertainty he is absolutely happy. Glowing.
Actually I have never seen him happier about his job life. Never.
Its like a weight has been lifted from him, even if its a few classes and we still depend on my job its is truly God sent to see him like this. It makes a world of difference to his spirit.
Thank you all very, very much for all the prayers last week.
Its a new beginning for him after suffering many years trying to be what they expected him to be.
My DH job story starts with a family that put a lot of pressure on their children to study specific things in order to be successful.
A lot of DH aunts and uncles were extremely successful individuals both in the academic and business world (3 uncles studied in Harvard, 1 aunt at MIT (doctor in physics and a teacher there) and one of my DH brothers has 2 master degress from Stanford and this is just the academic part. The pressure from this type of family is inmense and can be extremely damaging to those that do not fit the mold)
So my MIL and FIL both put a lot of pressure on the boys of the family to study first engeneering and then have an MBA at a top university like many of the uncles did.
And my DH and his 2 older brothers all did this. And it made them all very unhappy, but my DH specially since this is not by far his true calling.
So for many, many years my DH worked at jobs he hated with pressure from his family, but with this job he has the opportunity to do what he loves.
Teaching, working with people, not machines (he is an industrial engenieer with an MBA) and making a difference in people´s lives.
He will have another meeting tomorrow at this institute and then will leave for a whole weekend of classes in a week and a half and will probably start in a few weeks part time at least. We pray this is the beginning of a new career, one that will take him to a place where he is both happy and successful.
MY WORK
On Thursday also I had a lenghty talk with my boss.
The summary of the talk was: I have been offered officially to expand my Latin American job position to the USA and Canada. To manage my team in Mexico and Brasil, but also the one in the USA. The opportunity of a lifetime.
My boss adviced me not to take it as there would be no salary increase, just more work and specially at this time where we are expecting to adopt.
They would probably hold this against me in the short term and it would hurt my career, but I had to take the risk of saying no.
And my answer was going to be no.
BUT on Friday I got the call from a dear friend within the company and both the head of marketing in USA and the boss of my boss had asked him to call me and go over the proposal.
Basically its a first step for me in taking on over several global teams and not just more work. If I am successful with the USA/ Canada team I will later handle several remote teams and have the opportunity to grow in my postion to the level of my current boss or higher and most probably move to another region.
But the key thing here was to move from an operational role to a strategic one. He assured me this would not mean more work, but actually more freedom to work from home and even be more compatible with a family since what they needed was a strategist and not a manager like I have been up to now.
All weekend I could not make a final decision. I was very torn. It sounded too good to be true.
But then today, a few minutes ago, I received a call from the boss of my boss and we had a candid discussing. Actually I was very surprised by her attitude and a weight was lifted from my shoulders and she offered me an option I had not thought about at all.
She is over 40, very, very work driven, divorced on a long distance relationship with a man that travels almost 100 % of the time. A woman that perhaps would not understand about motherhood since she had told me specifically she never wanted to have children.
She actually was 100% supportive of me leaving for maternity for 4 months and told me not to make any decisions about this position until I have been able to experience motherhood and that they will wait for me when I come back to make a final decision.
As they stood now they do not have a person ready for the position other than myself and are willing to wait.
I was speechless.
We agreed on the following:
I would help the US team in the mean time until the baby comes and they will put an interim manager until I come back from maternity.
Once I come back they together with me will decide if I take on the role or not and its future.
So I would have the best of both worlds.
Motherhood and also the opportunity to grow professionally.
It probably is too good to be true and it might change once I come back from maternity leave, but I was very moved by her attitude of understanding that I am not at the point of making major professional decisions and that my focus right now is motherhood.
This is a major, major blessing. One that not many women have and I am extremely thankful to God for this.
APARTMENT
At the very, very same time all of this is going on we are also being offered the purchase of our appartment without even planning it. Yep, also this weekend.
I had written here that I lived in a three appartment building with an unusual arrangement.
DH and I lived on the top floor, my brother and his wife on the second and my brother´s BF on the 1st. A big happy family. I had found the building a few years ago right before my marriage and in a matter of 3 weeks all of us agreed to the purchase. It was an ideal setting for a family, but you all know what has happened to our plans.
My brother left his appartment a couple of months ago to move to a beautiful house he had built and had been thinking about renting when he decided it was best to sell.
Well in a matter of 2 weeks he had found a buyer and was about to sell the appartment when another buyer offered to purchase it at a higher price.
Since he had promised the appartment already he called me yesterday to check if we would be interested in selling.
At a top price. Cash. Now.
The buyer has been looking for over a year and wants the appartment at any price.
My DH and I know that we will be very tight regarding space once the baby comes and actually were thinking about selling in a couple of years at the most so this might move our plans. I am still too stunned to think.
With this opp we probably could rent an appartment very near my job (5 min), invest the money and make the transition to motherhood even smoother as I would be able to keep an eye on the baby and work. We currently live 45 minutes from my job and so this could be really helpful.
DH in a new job he loves, me with the opportunity to grow and also be a mother and a new appartment.
I cannot even believe that our luck has shifted so dramatically in just a few days.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Can you spare a quick prayer for DH and my father?
Hi!
Can you please spare a quick prayer for my father and DH?
My father is going to be having a biopsy of the prostate in an hour since they found some blood levels elevated some months ago. This is the second one since the doctor considered that the first one was partial and did not give enough information. My father had a very bad reaction to this first one and so my mom and all of us are worried about this new and more invasive one.
The 1st one came our all clear and the probabilites are in my father favour that the new one will be OK, but this new one has some more dangers of infection and pain. My father is 72 so this is no small deal.
On the other hand DH is about to have a very important job interview in the next hours and we need all the prayers we can get!! If you can help with a quick prayer to St Joseph? (DH has been praying to him forever for a good job!)
They called him in to meet for the 4th time with the director at a very important educational institute here in Mexico and he just left for the interview.
This is the final interview after 6 months of waiting to get in for an interview and 3 months of interviews (plus 3 years after he lost his corporate job).
They basically have told him he is in, but the big question right now if it will be part time (and how many hours per week) or full time.
This of course makes a very, very big difference for us specially with the coming adoption.
If its partial it means that he would be a teacher at the MBA level and would have asigned some clasess every month. Well paid, but.... his income would be highly variable and he would need to take on many, many classes for him to have a good salary. Highly unlikely at this early stage. Basically in this insititue they wait years after hiring you to give you a full load of classes and until then most teachers combine several jobs. Not something that we would be looking forward to.
Basically it would cover DH and some house expenses and he would need to stay at the current very badly paid job.
If he is asked to come fully on board it would mean: he would be assigned a coordination role at this institute, plus classes. It would mean a steady income (not very well paid, but OK) and with the classes it would become a good income. One that could support us and then my income would become savings and investment so I can leave my full time job and move to a partial time one in one or 2 years. A dream come true!
On the adoption front last minute news: Adoptions in our group have restarted yesterday after 1 month or more of no placements!!!! complelty unexpectedly until we found out through FB!
A beautiful baby boy has been placed with an amazing couple, both very young, she lost her ovaries due to cysts and other issues about 2 years ago. We had met them both at our marriage preparation course 4 years ago and then met again in our course. They are completly prolife and also said no to IVF knowing full well they might have been able to get pregnant this way, yet stood strong and they have now been blessed with a baby. We are extremely happy for them!
An interesting thing is that our group has only been blessed with boys so far. Five in total for 5 couples from a few days old to 10 months old! So we are now 5 couples still waiting and 3 that need to restart or wait even longer for different reasons (mostly counseling for grief). Basically we are half way through with placements now!! wow!
DH and my feeling is that we will be dead last in the placement process. I do not know why, but both of us have this feeling and we are OK with this as long as God wants it this way, just hopefully it will not be 6 months from now! .
Can you please spare a quick prayer for my father and DH?
My father is going to be having a biopsy of the prostate in an hour since they found some blood levels elevated some months ago. This is the second one since the doctor considered that the first one was partial and did not give enough information. My father had a very bad reaction to this first one and so my mom and all of us are worried about this new and more invasive one.
The 1st one came our all clear and the probabilites are in my father favour that the new one will be OK, but this new one has some more dangers of infection and pain. My father is 72 so this is no small deal.
On the other hand DH is about to have a very important job interview in the next hours and we need all the prayers we can get!! If you can help with a quick prayer to St Joseph? (DH has been praying to him forever for a good job!)
They called him in to meet for the 4th time with the director at a very important educational institute here in Mexico and he just left for the interview.
This is the final interview after 6 months of waiting to get in for an interview and 3 months of interviews (plus 3 years after he lost his corporate job).
They basically have told him he is in, but the big question right now if it will be part time (and how many hours per week) or full time.
This of course makes a very, very big difference for us specially with the coming adoption.
If its partial it means that he would be a teacher at the MBA level and would have asigned some clasess every month. Well paid, but.... his income would be highly variable and he would need to take on many, many classes for him to have a good salary. Highly unlikely at this early stage. Basically in this insititue they wait years after hiring you to give you a full load of classes and until then most teachers combine several jobs. Not something that we would be looking forward to.
Basically it would cover DH and some house expenses and he would need to stay at the current very badly paid job.
If he is asked to come fully on board it would mean: he would be assigned a coordination role at this institute, plus classes. It would mean a steady income (not very well paid, but OK) and with the classes it would become a good income. One that could support us and then my income would become savings and investment so I can leave my full time job and move to a partial time one in one or 2 years. A dream come true!
On the adoption front last minute news: Adoptions in our group have restarted yesterday after 1 month or more of no placements!!!! complelty unexpectedly until we found out through FB!
A beautiful baby boy has been placed with an amazing couple, both very young, she lost her ovaries due to cysts and other issues about 2 years ago. We had met them both at our marriage preparation course 4 years ago and then met again in our course. They are completly prolife and also said no to IVF knowing full well they might have been able to get pregnant this way, yet stood strong and they have now been blessed with a baby. We are extremely happy for them!
An interesting thing is that our group has only been blessed with boys so far. Five in total for 5 couples from a few days old to 10 months old! So we are now 5 couples still waiting and 3 that need to restart or wait even longer for different reasons (mostly counseling for grief). Basically we are half way through with placements now!! wow!
DH and my feeling is that we will be dead last in the placement process. I do not know why, but both of us have this feeling and we are OK with this as long as God wants it this way, just hopefully it will not be 6 months from now! .
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Updates on health and adoption
Many things continue to happen in our lives....
I will just update now on the health and adoption front and later in the week about my work and Napro status...
We received both very good and very bad news on the health front and some updates on the adoption front after several weeks of silence.
ADOPTION:
We are part of adoptive parents group nr. 65 in our agency. We are 12 couples in this group, 4 which have adopted already, 3 on standby and the rest waiting to be matched since April/ May/early June depending on when you received the governement´s permission. Our group hasn´t had any news in the last weeks from our agency and we thought it had to do with summer vacation, but it seems not.
They have continued to match many babies with families, just not our group.
We found out this on Sunday when had lunch with a lovely couple (they are are my CrMS clients) which in the course of the last months have become dear friends. In the beginning when we met he was complelty closed to adoption and in the last months has opened his heart to this by talking with us and meeting with other adoptive couples. My DH and I have been very happy to have been a part of their adoption journey. A real priviledge.
In a series of events that I can only call straight from Heaven they are now part of the last class from our adoption agency, class 69.
Well, this couple has been in close contact with our agency lately and they told us that our agency had started to asign babies now to group 67! and are almost finished with this group. Just in one month 9 babies were matched with families in group 67!.
Well all this means, is that they think they have not found the right families for the babies within our group and need to look in other groups. It does not have to do with our ability or profile, just that the match is not there.
I received all these news with a peaceful heart. Our baby will come when God wishes and since at this agency they pray a lot, then it must not be our time.
Of course its hard not being able to plan anything now and just sit and wait now that the baby´s room is ready and everybody keeps asking when the baby will come, but everyday I have more peace.
I feel we need to start a novena to accompany our wait, I just do now know which one.
any suggestions?
HEALTHOn the health front we received both very good and very bad news from the amazing acupuncutrist/western doctor.
Since starting acupuncture with him 1.5 months ago my cycles have completly changed and this new cycle again my mucus cycle again started earlier than normal for me. It looks like again Peak day will be CD 14, which I never ever had in my whole charting life, only in these last 2 cycles using acupuncture with this doctor.
My normal P day is on CD 19 or even 20, something that was not good in terms of TCM.
My CM now is exactly like the one I had before my miscarriage, really, really good, something that I had not seen in over 10 months. The amazing doctor has said that this means that acupuncture has been healing me in the most profound way starting from the cellular level .
He explained that only with deep healing can a cycle be affected this way and that my body reacted way faster than normal which made me happy. This 40 year old body is healthier than I thought or so it seems. Now the focus is on getting my energy back and losing weight, but he said it was going to be easier than I thought since getting my cycle to normalize was much more difficult.
This time he asked me to bring DH along to synchronize our energies. I know this sounds new age, but for TCM it means to synchronize on a cellular level our body rythms which is key to conception. He compared it to making sure that the seasons match the condition of the earth and the seeds. When he explains TCM this way I really get it.
Well, we had unexpected news.
I have not blogged about it here, but in the 3 first years of marriage apart from deaths, accidents, IF, job loss and many other really terrible things, we also faced issues with DH´s health. In fact he was in the hospital 3 times! Really I do not know how we survived these 3.5 years of trials.
He had for many, many years respiratory issues and had been taking medicines to combat allergies. Nothing important it seemed, just he had a stuffy nose most of the time. He saw several doctors and they kept giving him saline solutions, alle.gra and OTC medicines. All said he had to learn to live with this.
After about 2 years of marriage and just after he had his varicocele surgery I came home one day and found him freezing when it was over 80 F outside, sitting by a window trying to find some heat and when I looked at his back it was complelty red and then the next few minutes he was completly white.
He kept chaging colors every few minutes. It really was frightening.
He kept trembling and so I called the doctor that had done his operation fearing an infection and he told us to rush to his office. Well he checked DH and all was well with the operation, but he kept freezing and changing colors. By then he could not walk without help.
Well the doctor told me to call my internist ASAP for him to make a decision next.
We called him and he told us to rush to a nearby clinic for a chest x-ray and if all clear that at this same clinic there was the very best infectologist of the whole city. It was that serious. He thought he had an infectious disease.
I called then my FIL and parents in panic. I almost could not carry my DH and did not know what to do next. This 6 foot man could not even walk.
We arrived at the clinic and they did the x-ray. the doctor there detemined that there were signs of pneumonia, a really bad case due to his other symptoms. My internist tells me then to rush to a very large and renowed hospital. It needed to be this specifically since it seemed it was very serious.
This almost 6 foot man could not move again and I almost had to carry him to the car with my mother and father in tow. My FIL was complelty frozen and did not know what to do. Well we rushed to the hospital and the doctors had no clue what was going on for many, many hours.
The ER doctor then checked DH and determined it was not pneumonia, then the internist arrived and we began a series of tests one after the other. At one time they thought it was a kindney infection and so on. Really horrible.
I do not wish this on anyone. I almost thought I was about to become a widow, it was that bad. Here I was only 1.5 years married, in the middle of IF making what seemed life and death decisions.
In the end it was determined it was an allergic reaction to something in the air and that he needed to be under the care of a new ear and nose doctor.
Well a few weeks later the new doctor determined that in fact he needed a nose operation for sinus infection and for other things that did not permit him to fight any types of infections and he had the surgery early 2010 (one of the 6 we had in 3 years among both of us!) All was much better afterward and he has not had any issues since or so it seemed, just he began snoring again about 8 months ago.
After the operation we found out how bad things had been. DH life had been in danger since his sinus infection had begun to erode the bones in his face and when this happens the infection can go to the brain. His was a case like non other the doctors had seen and his infection had been very easy to miss, had not been for the allergic reaction he had had.
Well after the acupuncturist checked him, he came to see me in the other room and told me that it seemed my DH now had the health issues and not me.
My heart sank.
He told me his tongue was both red and white which meant an infection of the repiratory tract and also bad digestive issues. A bad one.
He told my DH (just from checking his tongue and pulses) that he had to take great care of his sinus and nose since his pulses told him there was a big issue there and also in this digestive track. It seems he is only partially breathing. Yikes!
The logic of the link between breath and digestion is as follows. You cannot breath well so when you eat you take in a lot of air which in turns makes your colon and digestive track not happy. Also due to low oxygen the body cannot digest efficiently. You become undernourished.
Breath is key to life and with issues there your general health is compromised.
This makes you tired, you lose the ability to concentrate, and with bad digestion all is much worse.
And this news of course worried us a lot not only because of the hospital experirce but also since my DH lived with a smoking mother and father most of his life. My MIL even had emphyema for 10 years and died from cancer of the lung. A horrible death and agony.
Not good at all.
Well all the symptoms matched and my DH had not even told the doctor anything about his operation, hospital stays and doctor visits. He just told him he wanted a general checkup, yet the doctor again focused on the very same problem that we thought was fixed.
The doctor also told me that this could be one of the reasons of my DH´s bad sperm morphology. There simply was not enough oxygen to go around and feed the cells in his body.
Well.... on one part it seems I an getting much healthier after the months of hell, but DH now again has the issues and they could be serious.
This is from a man that eats 100% healthy, was a competitive swimmer, never smoked, only drinks red wine, takes his vitamins religiously, etc. We have also been to the very best western doctors for his nose issues and he has done all they have instructed.
Yet now he needs now to go regularily to acupuncture, use herbs and perhaps in a few months he will be cured if not a new operation is not to be outruled and we need to go back again to the nose doctor for a second opinion.
This is one more thing on top of all that has been going on with our health in the last years and I am really tired. I cannot explain it other than I was remined all over again of all that we had suffered in the last years and my heart was broken.
WE have had 6 months of peace since my last hosptial stay and now this.
I just wish our health woes would stop once and for all. I am trying to focus on my healthy cycles now, but everytime I now look at my DH I worry again all over.
I will just update now on the health and adoption front and later in the week about my work and Napro status...
We received both very good and very bad news on the health front and some updates on the adoption front after several weeks of silence.
ADOPTION:
We are part of adoptive parents group nr. 65 in our agency. We are 12 couples in this group, 4 which have adopted already, 3 on standby and the rest waiting to be matched since April/ May/early June depending on when you received the governement´s permission. Our group hasn´t had any news in the last weeks from our agency and we thought it had to do with summer vacation, but it seems not.
They have continued to match many babies with families, just not our group.
We found out this on Sunday when had lunch with a lovely couple (they are are my CrMS clients) which in the course of the last months have become dear friends. In the beginning when we met he was complelty closed to adoption and in the last months has opened his heart to this by talking with us and meeting with other adoptive couples. My DH and I have been very happy to have been a part of their adoption journey. A real priviledge.
In a series of events that I can only call straight from Heaven they are now part of the last class from our adoption agency, class 69.
Well, this couple has been in close contact with our agency lately and they told us that our agency had started to asign babies now to group 67! and are almost finished with this group. Just in one month 9 babies were matched with families in group 67!.
Well all this means, is that they think they have not found the right families for the babies within our group and need to look in other groups. It does not have to do with our ability or profile, just that the match is not there.
I received all these news with a peaceful heart. Our baby will come when God wishes and since at this agency they pray a lot, then it must not be our time.
Of course its hard not being able to plan anything now and just sit and wait now that the baby´s room is ready and everybody keeps asking when the baby will come, but everyday I have more peace.
I feel we need to start a novena to accompany our wait, I just do now know which one.
any suggestions?
HEALTHOn the health front we received both very good and very bad news from the amazing acupuncutrist/western doctor.
Since starting acupuncture with him 1.5 months ago my cycles have completly changed and this new cycle again my mucus cycle again started earlier than normal for me. It looks like again Peak day will be CD 14, which I never ever had in my whole charting life, only in these last 2 cycles using acupuncture with this doctor.
My normal P day is on CD 19 or even 20, something that was not good in terms of TCM.
My CM now is exactly like the one I had before my miscarriage, really, really good, something that I had not seen in over 10 months. The amazing doctor has said that this means that acupuncture has been healing me in the most profound way starting from the cellular level .
He explained that only with deep healing can a cycle be affected this way and that my body reacted way faster than normal which made me happy. This 40 year old body is healthier than I thought or so it seems. Now the focus is on getting my energy back and losing weight, but he said it was going to be easier than I thought since getting my cycle to normalize was much more difficult.
This time he asked me to bring DH along to synchronize our energies. I know this sounds new age, but for TCM it means to synchronize on a cellular level our body rythms which is key to conception. He compared it to making sure that the seasons match the condition of the earth and the seeds. When he explains TCM this way I really get it.
Well, we had unexpected news.
I have not blogged about it here, but in the 3 first years of marriage apart from deaths, accidents, IF, job loss and many other really terrible things, we also faced issues with DH´s health. In fact he was in the hospital 3 times! Really I do not know how we survived these 3.5 years of trials.
He had for many, many years respiratory issues and had been taking medicines to combat allergies. Nothing important it seemed, just he had a stuffy nose most of the time. He saw several doctors and they kept giving him saline solutions, alle.gra and OTC medicines. All said he had to learn to live with this.
After about 2 years of marriage and just after he had his varicocele surgery I came home one day and found him freezing when it was over 80 F outside, sitting by a window trying to find some heat and when I looked at his back it was complelty red and then the next few minutes he was completly white.
He kept chaging colors every few minutes. It really was frightening.
He kept trembling and so I called the doctor that had done his operation fearing an infection and he told us to rush to his office. Well he checked DH and all was well with the operation, but he kept freezing and changing colors. By then he could not walk without help.
Well the doctor told me to call my internist ASAP for him to make a decision next.
We called him and he told us to rush to a nearby clinic for a chest x-ray and if all clear that at this same clinic there was the very best infectologist of the whole city. It was that serious. He thought he had an infectious disease.
I called then my FIL and parents in panic. I almost could not carry my DH and did not know what to do next. This 6 foot man could not even walk.
We arrived at the clinic and they did the x-ray. the doctor there detemined that there were signs of pneumonia, a really bad case due to his other symptoms. My internist tells me then to rush to a very large and renowed hospital. It needed to be this specifically since it seemed it was very serious.
This almost 6 foot man could not move again and I almost had to carry him to the car with my mother and father in tow. My FIL was complelty frozen and did not know what to do. Well we rushed to the hospital and the doctors had no clue what was going on for many, many hours.
The ER doctor then checked DH and determined it was not pneumonia, then the internist arrived and we began a series of tests one after the other. At one time they thought it was a kindney infection and so on. Really horrible.
I do not wish this on anyone. I almost thought I was about to become a widow, it was that bad. Here I was only 1.5 years married, in the middle of IF making what seemed life and death decisions.
In the end it was determined it was an allergic reaction to something in the air and that he needed to be under the care of a new ear and nose doctor.
Well a few weeks later the new doctor determined that in fact he needed a nose operation for sinus infection and for other things that did not permit him to fight any types of infections and he had the surgery early 2010 (one of the 6 we had in 3 years among both of us!) All was much better afterward and he has not had any issues since or so it seemed, just he began snoring again about 8 months ago.
After the operation we found out how bad things had been. DH life had been in danger since his sinus infection had begun to erode the bones in his face and when this happens the infection can go to the brain. His was a case like non other the doctors had seen and his infection had been very easy to miss, had not been for the allergic reaction he had had.
Well after the acupuncturist checked him, he came to see me in the other room and told me that it seemed my DH now had the health issues and not me.
My heart sank.
He told me his tongue was both red and white which meant an infection of the repiratory tract and also bad digestive issues. A bad one.
He told my DH (just from checking his tongue and pulses) that he had to take great care of his sinus and nose since his pulses told him there was a big issue there and also in this digestive track. It seems he is only partially breathing. Yikes!
The logic of the link between breath and digestion is as follows. You cannot breath well so when you eat you take in a lot of air which in turns makes your colon and digestive track not happy. Also due to low oxygen the body cannot digest efficiently. You become undernourished.
Breath is key to life and with issues there your general health is compromised.
This makes you tired, you lose the ability to concentrate, and with bad digestion all is much worse.
And this news of course worried us a lot not only because of the hospital experirce but also since my DH lived with a smoking mother and father most of his life. My MIL even had emphyema for 10 years and died from cancer of the lung. A horrible death and agony.
Not good at all.
Well all the symptoms matched and my DH had not even told the doctor anything about his operation, hospital stays and doctor visits. He just told him he wanted a general checkup, yet the doctor again focused on the very same problem that we thought was fixed.
The doctor also told me that this could be one of the reasons of my DH´s bad sperm morphology. There simply was not enough oxygen to go around and feed the cells in his body.
Well.... on one part it seems I an getting much healthier after the months of hell, but DH now again has the issues and they could be serious.
This is from a man that eats 100% healthy, was a competitive swimmer, never smoked, only drinks red wine, takes his vitamins religiously, etc. We have also been to the very best western doctors for his nose issues and he has done all they have instructed.
Yet now he needs now to go regularily to acupuncture, use herbs and perhaps in a few months he will be cured if not a new operation is not to be outruled and we need to go back again to the nose doctor for a second opinion.
This is one more thing on top of all that has been going on with our health in the last years and I am really tired. I cannot explain it other than I was remined all over again of all that we had suffered in the last years and my heart was broken.
WE have had 6 months of peace since my last hosptial stay and now this.
I just wish our health woes would stop once and for all. I am trying to focus on my healthy cycles now, but everytime I now look at my DH I worry again all over.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Adoption / baby questions
Let me strart this blog by saying I have been reading and trying to comment on most blogs for weeks now and it has been horrible. I have not been able most of the time and I have daily issues with blogger as well as with updating my blog, if anybody has any advice on this also please let me know. !
Somehow adoptions via our agency have stopped in the last 2 weeks (maybe due to vacations), but we are sure they will restart soon full force.
We are now expecting parents with an unknown due date. As I have mentioned here we can be matched any day now and we will probably only know one day in advance. It can also take up to 6 months or more. Its nerve racking, but I am reaching a place of peace now.
During these last weeks several questions have come to mind constantly and I wanted to reach out to the blogosphere which has been so very helpful during my IF/ Napro/ alternative medicine journey.
My questions are on the following subjects:
Breastfeeding/ bottle feeding
Key products for the baby
How to inform everybody and who should attend when they give us the baby
Books
BREASTFEEDING
Most probably I will not be able to do it. The reasons are: we do not know how old the baby will be, most probably older than 3 months so he/she will already been bottle fed all this time and will not be able to switch to my milk and also due to my hormonal issues. My local doctor is not very open to this due to all my medicines I normally take and has told me that it has taken me so long to be well hormonally that he would strongly advice against pumping myself with other hormones and getting off several of my normal ones. I have written to PPVI to ask them what they think, but my gut it telling me they will be of the same opinion.
Somehow adoptions via our agency have stopped in the last 2 weeks (maybe due to vacations), but we are sure they will restart soon full force.
We are now expecting parents with an unknown due date. As I have mentioned here we can be matched any day now and we will probably only know one day in advance. It can also take up to 6 months or more. Its nerve racking, but I am reaching a place of peace now.
During these last weeks several questions have come to mind constantly and I wanted to reach out to the blogosphere which has been so very helpful during my IF/ Napro/ alternative medicine journey.
My questions are on the following subjects:
Breastfeeding/ bottle feeding
Key products for the baby
How to inform everybody and who should attend when they give us the baby
Books
BREASTFEEDING
Most probably I will not be able to do it. The reasons are: we do not know how old the baby will be, most probably older than 3 months so he/she will already been bottle fed all this time and will not be able to switch to my milk and also due to my hormonal issues. My local doctor is not very open to this due to all my medicines I normally take and has told me that it has taken me so long to be well hormonally that he would strongly advice against pumping myself with other hormones and getting off several of my normal ones. I have written to PPVI to ask them what they think, but my gut it telling me they will be of the same opinion.
This part is perhaps the hardest for me. My family is completly pro breastfeeding. My mom and sister always breastfed until it was no longer possible and I was raised with the belief that this was the very best way to give the baby have a good head start in life . In the last months I have also grown also far more health concious and giving soy or cows milk via the commercial formulas really worries me. The other thing is that I have always been a big believer in the communication between the baby and mother that happens via breast feeding.
So:
Any commercial formulas that are better than others?
Can I make my own milk and make it much healthier?
how can I establish the best link possible with the baby if I do not breastfeed?
Has anybody used one of those devices you attach to the breast to supplement when using only formula?
BABY PRODUCTS
We have the baby room almost ready. A crib, the bedding, several clothes, bottles, a baby monitor, many stuffed animals (without even realizing it I had been collecting some for our future baby), a guardian angel medal for the crib (its a tradition here to put a medal of a guardian angel or the Virgin on top of the crib with a bow to ask for protection for the baby) and also my sister and SIL have sent several packages of clothes. I also brought a type of baby wrap like the moby.
What have been the baby products that have been key for you? what couldn´t you live without?
BOOKS:
Which books would you recommend on adoption once the baby arrives or normal baby books?
These are the ones that I have already :
Before we decided to adopt I read the following books to better prepare (in addition to several Spanish ones):
Adopted for life by Russel Moore. A Christian book on adoption.
Keys to parenting and adopted child Kathy Lancaster
Adoption choosing it, living it, loving it by Dr. Ray Gaurendi My favourite one in English
General baby books:
Baby´s first year by Sandy and Marcie Jones I really like it
What to expect the first year from the same authors as What to expect when you are expecting.
any others that saved your life during the first months?
DELIVERING THE NEWS/ ATTENDING THE PRESENTATION
All the people close to us know full well that we are adopting, but we have decided to keep from the rest of the world this as private or on as needed to know basis. By the rest of the world I mean far away or long lost friends, some extended family and most of Face book. Why? because it was getting too stressful that everytbody has kept asking when the baby was coming and since we do not know when it was making us very nervous .
Daily questions that we did not know how to answer. Also some extended family members have some strong opinions about adoption and we did not want them to be saying anything to upset us during this time. They are not close to us and we are sure they will come around when the baby arrives or we will keep apart from them, still we did not want at this time to hear their opinions.
We will have a closed adoption (like most of the countries adscribed to the international adoption protocols Mexico favours closed adoption). This means that we will only get a call once the baby´s legal status is completly cleared and we will be asked to come to pick the baby up in our agency. The agency chooses the best family for the baby on several basis, but one key ingredient is prayer. That very same day the baby is fully ours. We still will have to do some legal proceedings, but the baby will be 100% ours and this is the reason why the babies do not come to the families as newborns, but some weeks or months later when the birth mother has been given the chance to really think things over and has signed twice in front of a judge.
The agency has a beautiful room prepared where the baby is placed and the parents come in to meet the baby, Afterwards there is normally a Mass said in the chapel of the agency to give thanks and to bless the new family. Everybody I know that has been there tell me its absolutely beautiful.
In this special room the baby is dressed in very special clothes, placed in a beautiful crib, under a painting of our Lady of Guadalupe.
My parents, sister and SIL are fully supportive of our adoption and ecstatic, my FIL and my brother are supportive, but afraid, my BIL is supportive and very happy for us, but his wife will be a problem since she has kept saying stupid things all this time (sorry but there is no other word for her words. I have not even blogged about it since I do not want to make any adoptive parents upset) Nieces and nephews are ecstatic .
So this is the situation right now of our family.
I really do not know what will be best and wanted opinions/ experiences which could help us decide:
To invite all to come to the special room so we can all receive the baby as a family and then have mass.
Come in first DH and I and have a few moments with the baby alone and then they come in and then mass?
Ask them only to join us for the mass afterwards and leave the room as a private place for us ( a friend of mine called this room her delivery room and wanted this for it to be as private as possible for an hour)?
Join us only at home?
We want this to be a joyful occasion and would love to include our families which are very close to us, yet know all are at different stages and I want to set the rules right now so we do not end up with issues beforehand. How did you do it? in case it was open adoption when did your families join you?
and last how did you inform the world? via facebook? an email? personally?
Thanks for any advice you could give me. =)
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Each baby brings a sandwich under the arm
In Mexico we have a saying: "Each baby brings a sandwich under the arm". (actually the saying is Torta which is a type of Mexican sandwich) and in Spanish is " Cada bebe trae una torta bajo el brazo"
The meaning is that each baby brings blessings and their own livelihood when he/ she arrives into a family. Many times the meaning is also that a baby will bring a good job to the family. That if you have a baby God will provide.
I have not written a lot about it here, but DH and I have been struggling with DH´s lack of a good job now with the baby coming soon. It really has made us face the fact that we are depending far more than we would like to on my job and that we truly cannot wait anymore for the time when DH will again have a good job.
This has been a big cross together with IF.
So here I am thinking a lot about this saying since Thursday when I received an unexpected call. And then also today when I received another extremely unexpected call.
In the last 2 days I have been asked to consider 2 very, very good job opportunities without even looking for them while we are waiting for our adoption.
Yet somehow each offers the opportunity to combine a career and motherhood also and make me question what I am doing at a job I do not like
I really do not know what to make of all of this. God is allowing this at the exact time when our lives will complely change with our adoption.
For many years I was a career woman, yet I feel all has changed, first with marriage and now with pending motherhood.
During my single days the more I did not find the right person the more I focused on my career and also church.
When I got married I made a very, very difficult decision , but one that was right at the time. I left a position which I loved and moved into one that I did not love, but was a better fit with a family.
This old position was head of marketing for a very renowned brand at the time. I was in charge of purchasing and designing advertising campaigns, events, research, a very big budget and had to be very creative. I worked with many countries, something that I loved inmensely,
To reach this position took me over 6 years in the company and I loved every minute of it.
Then came my DH´s marriage proposal and I had to really reflect on what I truly wanted. A marriage and this same pace were clearly not compatible and also I looked at the top women of the company and most were divorced, single or in non commited relationships. None had children.
My best option then was to move to another part of the company which is very technical, boring and non exciting (for me at least as a non engineer). We market to industry and not the end consumer. My job was also head of marketing, now for Latin America, which sounded even better than before, but in reality it was easier and far more compatible with a family and not better professionally.
My travels were greatly reduced and I thought I would quit when the time came to have babies. I knew that probably I would like to continue working always, but maybe part time only.
Soon after we got married and I had changed positions my DH lost his corporate job and since then has had jobs that have brought money, but not enough to support a family and much less IF treatments. Right now there is a good one that might be available, but we know the process will be long.
So I had to continue with my job, which was extremely hard since I did not love it and found it extremely boring at times. Days dragged on and on. And of course no baby in sight.
This has been going on for almost 4 years now.
To say the least it has been hard: no being pregnant and having to stay at a job I did not really like, but I did not want to look for a new one in case a baby came.
The reasons why I stayed were: I knew the job well enough that it could be easily compatible with a family and the company also has great family life policies like home office, tons of flexibility and best of all this year my boss had given me four months maternity leave for our adoption ( he was nice enough to fight for this for me since there are no laws for adoption maternity leave yet, they are in process and way less time)
So last week there I was thinking about how I would combine my job, Napro and a baby after maternity leave when an urgent call came in.
It was from the head of communications and brand of a very prestigious institute in Mexico. He wanted to speak urgently with me regarding an opportunity there. He called me at least 10 times until we finally were able to speak.
Well on Monday he invited me to lunch and what was supposed to be an interview turned out to be practically a job offer. He will be leaving this position soon due to personal reasons and was asked by the dean to select several candidates. It turned out that he had me in mind and during the interview basically he told me that my profile would be very welcome and that I was the strongest candidate.
I told him about our adoption and he was very serious for a moment, but then said that he thought they could wait for me to return from maternity leave.
He also told me the institute had a flexible work schedule and also was implementing home office type of arrangements for women.
When the lunch ended (after almost 3.5 hours!) he asked me to really think things over, since I would be moving from the corporate environment to the non profit one and the change could be dramatic, but also that perhaps it would really make my heart happy. It was a very, very big temptation.
So all afternoon yesterday I spent making some calls to find out what really working there is like and really thinking about what I want and most importantly what is best for my family.
My DH is very happy since he thinks this would make me much happier than right now and thinks that it would be very compatible with a family, but I am not sure.
So today I arrive at the office thinking about all of this when I get a call from a dear friend within my company with whom I worked with for 2 years.
He starts off by telling me that my exact same position in the USA/Canada area had become vacant again (long story short: the person that held my position there quit in March and I was asked to apply. I did not due to the adoption and they in turn hired a local person. Well this person just quit without even really starting due to personal reasons) and that they were asking him to inquire if I would want to move there or take on both my position here and the one in USA/ Canada.
the opportunity to relocate and /or a big promotion.
But not only this.... if I would be interested in taking on a much bigger responsability by taking the position of marketing head of several regions: America (the continent) and part of Europe. They were thinking about it now that the person had left. Most probably it would not entail a lot of travel since most of the work is virtual and best of all: far more interesting than right now.
My jaw dropped.
I do not understand why all of this comes at this time. Right when our lives are about to change dramatically with the coming of the baby.
I also do not know what this all would mean to us as a family.
A move? a better position? me happier?
I even thought: easier access to Napro treatment if we move to the USA!!! (doing it from Mexico is a nightmare right now with no doctors!)
My head was spinning, yet I feel inmense peace.
Maybe all will be nothing and I will no need to make a decision, yet I would like to think that the baby is bringing a sandwich under his/ her arm and other than see it as something bad like me not focusing on family or a temptation, that God is wanting my DH and I to know that He will be there for us.
That we should not worry too much and that when a life comes into your life it always brings blessings
That truly each baby brings a sandwich under the arm
I do not know how this all will turn out, but I want to believe this. God provides and sometimes in the most unexpected ways.
The meaning is that each baby brings blessings and their own livelihood when he/ she arrives into a family. Many times the meaning is also that a baby will bring a good job to the family. That if you have a baby God will provide.
I have not written a lot about it here, but DH and I have been struggling with DH´s lack of a good job now with the baby coming soon. It really has made us face the fact that we are depending far more than we would like to on my job and that we truly cannot wait anymore for the time when DH will again have a good job.
This has been a big cross together with IF.
So here I am thinking a lot about this saying since Thursday when I received an unexpected call. And then also today when I received another extremely unexpected call.
In the last 2 days I have been asked to consider 2 very, very good job opportunities without even looking for them while we are waiting for our adoption.
Yet somehow each offers the opportunity to combine a career and motherhood also and make me question what I am doing at a job I do not like
I really do not know what to make of all of this. God is allowing this at the exact time when our lives will complely change with our adoption.
For many years I was a career woman, yet I feel all has changed, first with marriage and now with pending motherhood.
During my single days the more I did not find the right person the more I focused on my career and also church.
When I got married I made a very, very difficult decision , but one that was right at the time. I left a position which I loved and moved into one that I did not love, but was a better fit with a family.
This old position was head of marketing for a very renowned brand at the time. I was in charge of purchasing and designing advertising campaigns, events, research, a very big budget and had to be very creative. I worked with many countries, something that I loved inmensely,
To reach this position took me over 6 years in the company and I loved every minute of it.
Then came my DH´s marriage proposal and I had to really reflect on what I truly wanted. A marriage and this same pace were clearly not compatible and also I looked at the top women of the company and most were divorced, single or in non commited relationships. None had children.
My best option then was to move to another part of the company which is very technical, boring and non exciting (for me at least as a non engineer). We market to industry and not the end consumer. My job was also head of marketing, now for Latin America, which sounded even better than before, but in reality it was easier and far more compatible with a family and not better professionally.
My travels were greatly reduced and I thought I would quit when the time came to have babies. I knew that probably I would like to continue working always, but maybe part time only.
Soon after we got married and I had changed positions my DH lost his corporate job and since then has had jobs that have brought money, but not enough to support a family and much less IF treatments. Right now there is a good one that might be available, but we know the process will be long.
So I had to continue with my job, which was extremely hard since I did not love it and found it extremely boring at times. Days dragged on and on. And of course no baby in sight.
This has been going on for almost 4 years now.
To say the least it has been hard: no being pregnant and having to stay at a job I did not really like, but I did not want to look for a new one in case a baby came.
The reasons why I stayed were: I knew the job well enough that it could be easily compatible with a family and the company also has great family life policies like home office, tons of flexibility and best of all this year my boss had given me four months maternity leave for our adoption ( he was nice enough to fight for this for me since there are no laws for adoption maternity leave yet, they are in process and way less time)
So last week there I was thinking about how I would combine my job, Napro and a baby after maternity leave when an urgent call came in.
It was from the head of communications and brand of a very prestigious institute in Mexico. He wanted to speak urgently with me regarding an opportunity there. He called me at least 10 times until we finally were able to speak.
Well on Monday he invited me to lunch and what was supposed to be an interview turned out to be practically a job offer. He will be leaving this position soon due to personal reasons and was asked by the dean to select several candidates. It turned out that he had me in mind and during the interview basically he told me that my profile would be very welcome and that I was the strongest candidate.
I told him about our adoption and he was very serious for a moment, but then said that he thought they could wait for me to return from maternity leave.
He also told me the institute had a flexible work schedule and also was implementing home office type of arrangements for women.
When the lunch ended (after almost 3.5 hours!) he asked me to really think things over, since I would be moving from the corporate environment to the non profit one and the change could be dramatic, but also that perhaps it would really make my heart happy. It was a very, very big temptation.
So all afternoon yesterday I spent making some calls to find out what really working there is like and really thinking about what I want and most importantly what is best for my family.
My DH is very happy since he thinks this would make me much happier than right now and thinks that it would be very compatible with a family, but I am not sure.
So today I arrive at the office thinking about all of this when I get a call from a dear friend within my company with whom I worked with for 2 years.
He starts off by telling me that my exact same position in the USA/Canada area had become vacant again (long story short: the person that held my position there quit in March and I was asked to apply. I did not due to the adoption and they in turn hired a local person. Well this person just quit without even really starting due to personal reasons) and that they were asking him to inquire if I would want to move there or take on both my position here and the one in USA/ Canada.
the opportunity to relocate and /or a big promotion.
But not only this.... if I would be interested in taking on a much bigger responsability by taking the position of marketing head of several regions: America (the continent) and part of Europe. They were thinking about it now that the person had left. Most probably it would not entail a lot of travel since most of the work is virtual and best of all: far more interesting than right now.
My jaw dropped.
I do not understand why all of this comes at this time. Right when our lives are about to change dramatically with the coming of the baby.
I also do not know what this all would mean to us as a family.
A move? a better position? me happier?
I even thought: easier access to Napro treatment if we move to the USA!!! (doing it from Mexico is a nightmare right now with no doctors!)
My head was spinning, yet I feel inmense peace.
Maybe all will be nothing and I will no need to make a decision, yet I would like to think that the baby is bringing a sandwich under his/ her arm and other than see it as something bad like me not focusing on family or a temptation, that God is wanting my DH and I to know that He will be there for us.
That we should not worry too much and that when a life comes into your life it always brings blessings
That truly each baby brings a sandwich under the arm
I do not know how this all will turn out, but I want to believe this. God provides and sometimes in the most unexpected ways.
Saturday, July 9, 2011
P+17, confusion and fear
So many feelings.
I hate it when my body plays tricks. I am still an infertile at heart even while waiting for our adoption.
Friday was P+16 when normally AF shows up. Well it did not.
All day I waited and nothing.
Since I have been on HCG it has always shown up on time CD 15 or 16, like clock work during almost 2 years.
Before HCG my luteal phase was 10 to 13 days so 17 days of luteal phase is extremely rare in me. The only exception in my whole life was when I got pregnant.
And Saturday was P+17 and still no AF all morning. I did not know what to think or feel.
All my symptoms were confusing. No breast pain like I normally have right before my period, I was dead tired and weepy, with some sharp pains in the right side.
My belly had been giving me some trouble in the last days, but tiredness was the most important. I was barely able to keep awake. Today I woke up at 10 a.m, something that never happens.
I had all kinds of thoughts:
I am pregnant and we will not be able to adopt since the agency does not give babies to pregnant women (my heart broke)
I am pregnant and this is a tubal pregnancy since it hurts so much. The pain was not the normal AF one.
I am not pregnant and never will be again (also my heart broke)
I am pregnant and I will lose the baby again
I am not pregnant and the acupuncture did this. Since it changed my ovulation date from DC 18 to 20 (on average for the last 4 years) to CD 14 maybe it made my progesterone so strong that here I am CD 17!
The crazy mind of an IF woman.
I had an appointment later in the with the amazing accupuncturist, yet decided to test and get it over with and it was negative.
I cannot deny that my IF heart felt sad, but most of all from seeing my DH face.
In these 4 years I had only tested 4 times so have only done it when I truly beleived that I was pregnant. This was a very big deal.
My Dh knew that AF was delayed and had hope. He is totally excited about the adoption and would be completly content with us having only an adoptive family, but these things play with your heart.
2 babies in one year!!!! wow!!! We would love nothing more of course knowing full well that I am 40 and time will run out soon for a pregnancy.
My DH manages my chart. He is the one that puts the stamps, asks me everyday my symptoms and sometimes even reminds me to take my medicines. So he knew something was off. Way off.
Yet I focused on our coming adoption and the pain was much less and I even could smile and say that it was for the best as we could adopt, yet I hated having to go through this. That my body played this trick on us.
Then I had my acupuncture appointment ( the doctor is so commited that he has Saturday´s appointments from 8 a.m to 7 p.m and filled back to back) and I tell him what had happened. That it was CD 17 and nothing.
He explained that antibiotics can do this to you. He explained to me that since they destroy all the good flora you can get air bubbles in the body and inflammation and that many times this happens . Without me telling him where it hurt he touched me and showed where it should hurt and it was the exact same point. I screamed.
The location was between the ovary and the endometrium/ uterus. I do not have the exact words to explain it, but he explained something like air is trapped there and does not permit that AF come on time.
He put needles on my abdomen and told me that I needed to detox from all the antibiotics.
I agree 100% with him. This part about Napro I hate. 21 days of antibiotics for I think the 3rd time. All after my D&C to fight the Tail end brown bleeding I developed afterwards.
I told him that the last time I had candida. Horrible. And now my digestion was complelty off.
When will my body feel normal again? arghh!
He told me that there was a natural cure and to start right after I finish with this round of antibiotics.
Its called Tibicos mushrooms and he gave me three bottles to drink. I just googled it and there is a lot of info out there, not all very scientific, but a lot of people swear by it and the drink is produced in a factory so I am not too concerned. He said that in China and India he had seen miracle cures with them regarding candida.
Then he started speaking about fear. Yep, fear. Emotions in chinese medicine are realted to health and related to specific organs and he could feel it in my energies.
He mentioned to me that he thought that I had a lot of fear and that this was the only thing truly hurting my health.
Fear of getting pregnant again. That I was actually terrified.
Scared that I might lose another pregnancy and go through the 3 months of Hell that I went through afterwards. 3 hospital stays, 2 D&C´s and 4 days in the hospital with extreme bleeding, pain and contractions is something I do not wish to even my worst enemy. But the very worst ever: losing your baby after such a long battle.
He is so very, very right! I am SCARED.
He mentioned again that he thought that my only problem had been the blood flow and that it was cured. That Napro had cured me and that he actually thought I was an extremely healthy individual.
He mentioned if you are scared you will block all your hormones and will not lose weight since its a defence mechanism (my case it seems) and also not get pregnant.
He also thought that I was scared about the adoption. How I would handle it with a job? That all would be well? That maybe my miscarriage was a signal that I was not to be a mother at all? Scared about being a mother at 40?
I think he is unto something important since I could feel it in my heart. I have fear of all of the above, but specially the 40 part.
Then he mentioned that in China there is no age limit to motherhood other than menopause. That this is a creation by the IVF industry and Western medicine.
That women can go on to have healthy children up to a few months before menopause. The only real age limit is to men at 70. After this age Chinese medicine says men should not have children, but for women is highly individual and I had no signs of menopause anytime soon.
Menopause was nature´s signal that the body had closed this cycle, but only until then in somce cases well into the 50´s
We even mentioned a Mexican tribe that has their second round of childen in their 50´s called Huichole´s.
He also mentioned that motherhood in the 40´s is a gifts and I should see it as such. Thad adoptive or biological motherhood at 40 is completly different than at a younger age and much to be valued. In China it was when mothers were at their best.
Since I really felt he was unto something very important I know I need to refocus again on prayer and giving this waiting time to God. Let go of fear.
If I only knew how.
I hate it when my body plays tricks. I am still an infertile at heart even while waiting for our adoption.
Friday was P+16 when normally AF shows up. Well it did not.
All day I waited and nothing.
Since I have been on HCG it has always shown up on time CD 15 or 16, like clock work during almost 2 years.
Before HCG my luteal phase was 10 to 13 days so 17 days of luteal phase is extremely rare in me. The only exception in my whole life was when I got pregnant.
And Saturday was P+17 and still no AF all morning. I did not know what to think or feel.
All my symptoms were confusing. No breast pain like I normally have right before my period, I was dead tired and weepy, with some sharp pains in the right side.
My belly had been giving me some trouble in the last days, but tiredness was the most important. I was barely able to keep awake. Today I woke up at 10 a.m, something that never happens.
I had all kinds of thoughts:
I am pregnant and we will not be able to adopt since the agency does not give babies to pregnant women (my heart broke)
I am pregnant and this is a tubal pregnancy since it hurts so much. The pain was not the normal AF one.
I am not pregnant and never will be again (also my heart broke)
I am pregnant and I will lose the baby again
I am not pregnant and the acupuncture did this. Since it changed my ovulation date from DC 18 to 20 (on average for the last 4 years) to CD 14 maybe it made my progesterone so strong that here I am CD 17!
The crazy mind of an IF woman.
I had an appointment later in the with the amazing accupuncturist, yet decided to test and get it over with and it was negative.
I cannot deny that my IF heart felt sad, but most of all from seeing my DH face.
In these 4 years I had only tested 4 times so have only done it when I truly beleived that I was pregnant. This was a very big deal.
My Dh knew that AF was delayed and had hope. He is totally excited about the adoption and would be completly content with us having only an adoptive family, but these things play with your heart.
2 babies in one year!!!! wow!!! We would love nothing more of course knowing full well that I am 40 and time will run out soon for a pregnancy.
My DH manages my chart. He is the one that puts the stamps, asks me everyday my symptoms and sometimes even reminds me to take my medicines. So he knew something was off. Way off.
Yet I focused on our coming adoption and the pain was much less and I even could smile and say that it was for the best as we could adopt, yet I hated having to go through this. That my body played this trick on us.
Then I had my acupuncture appointment ( the doctor is so commited that he has Saturday´s appointments from 8 a.m to 7 p.m and filled back to back) and I tell him what had happened. That it was CD 17 and nothing.
He explained that antibiotics can do this to you. He explained to me that since they destroy all the good flora you can get air bubbles in the body and inflammation and that many times this happens . Without me telling him where it hurt he touched me and showed where it should hurt and it was the exact same point. I screamed.
The location was between the ovary and the endometrium/ uterus. I do not have the exact words to explain it, but he explained something like air is trapped there and does not permit that AF come on time.
He put needles on my abdomen and told me that I needed to detox from all the antibiotics.
I agree 100% with him. This part about Napro I hate. 21 days of antibiotics for I think the 3rd time. All after my D&C to fight the Tail end brown bleeding I developed afterwards.
I told him that the last time I had candida. Horrible. And now my digestion was complelty off.
When will my body feel normal again? arghh!
He told me that there was a natural cure and to start right after I finish with this round of antibiotics.
Its called Tibicos mushrooms and he gave me three bottles to drink. I just googled it and there is a lot of info out there, not all very scientific, but a lot of people swear by it and the drink is produced in a factory so I am not too concerned. He said that in China and India he had seen miracle cures with them regarding candida.
Then he started speaking about fear. Yep, fear. Emotions in chinese medicine are realted to health and related to specific organs and he could feel it in my energies.
He mentioned to me that he thought that I had a lot of fear and that this was the only thing truly hurting my health.
Fear of getting pregnant again. That I was actually terrified.
Scared that I might lose another pregnancy and go through the 3 months of Hell that I went through afterwards. 3 hospital stays, 2 D&C´s and 4 days in the hospital with extreme bleeding, pain and contractions is something I do not wish to even my worst enemy. But the very worst ever: losing your baby after such a long battle.
He is so very, very right! I am SCARED.
He mentioned again that he thought that my only problem had been the blood flow and that it was cured. That Napro had cured me and that he actually thought I was an extremely healthy individual.
He mentioned if you are scared you will block all your hormones and will not lose weight since its a defence mechanism (my case it seems) and also not get pregnant.
He also thought that I was scared about the adoption. How I would handle it with a job? That all would be well? That maybe my miscarriage was a signal that I was not to be a mother at all? Scared about being a mother at 40?
I think he is unto something important since I could feel it in my heart. I have fear of all of the above, but specially the 40 part.
Then he mentioned that in China there is no age limit to motherhood other than menopause. That this is a creation by the IVF industry and Western medicine.
That women can go on to have healthy children up to a few months before menopause. The only real age limit is to men at 70. After this age Chinese medicine says men should not have children, but for women is highly individual and I had no signs of menopause anytime soon.
Menopause was nature´s signal that the body had closed this cycle, but only until then in somce cases well into the 50´s
We even mentioned a Mexican tribe that has their second round of childen in their 50´s called Huichole´s.
He also mentioned that motherhood in the 40´s is a gifts and I should see it as such. Thad adoptive or biological motherhood at 40 is completly different than at a younger age and much to be valued. In China it was when mothers were at their best.
Since I really felt he was unto something very important I know I need to refocus again on prayer and giving this waiting time to God. Let go of fear.
If I only knew how.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
The wait
I am bad at waiting and 4 years of IF has not made me a more patient person. I need to feel that I am doing something, yet this is not what life is putting in front of me right now. My Martha against my Mary.
This is Mary time.
We are now just waiting and praying for all to be well with our adoption.
Not knowing when the baby will come, the sex, the age is killing me.
I cannot plan most details since we do not know the age. In our adoption group they have received babies from 2 months up to 10 months. The normal is 2 to 3 months, but you never know and specially with DH and I being a minority here. We do not know if we will be asked to travel to bring the baby home, when they will call us and how much time we will have to go and pick the baby up.
In the last 4 years I always felt that we were doing something to build our family by having to do mountains of tests, paperwork, clases for adoption or fertility treatments, etc. I felt like I was doing something, even if I did not control the outcome.
Now its only waiting.
We have the baby room almost ready. My sister sent us the crib and several gifts, we have bought new curtains, we have repaired the furniture, we have attended 2 baby fairs where we have bought the basics, the wife of DH brother sent me boxes of baby things (most I will need to donate), some friends have loaned me things that you only use for a few months, etc.
Since we do not know the age nor sex I cannot buy too many things now and most people are waiting for the baby to come to give us gifts.
We have told the closest to us and answered all their questions.
I have read and reread the baby and adoption books that we bought.
We have prayed many Novenas for this baby and the biological mother.
Now I feel there is only the wait.
Maybe this is why I need to focus on my health so much. I need a distraction. I need to feel like I am doing something to prepare, not to go crazy.
Out of our group of 12: Four have babies already, 3 have been put on the waiting list and will have to go through counseling or classes (a record) and then 5 of us are still waiting. The wait could mean just a few days more or several months even.
Its killing me.
Today I was given a very important project at work, a global one, but my heart is not here anymore. Also my boss has asked me to think a lot about the possibility of moving to an overseas assignment in Germany.
Yet I find it very hard to concentrate on this. It seems so unimportant right now.
I am a Martha and I am being asked to be Mary right now. To sit and listen to God and be sure that all will be OK without any effort on my part.
That the baby that comes to our family is the one that He intended for us without any effort. To let God be God.
Its so very hard for me.
This is Mary time.
We are now just waiting and praying for all to be well with our adoption.
Not knowing when the baby will come, the sex, the age is killing me.
I cannot plan most details since we do not know the age. In our adoption group they have received babies from 2 months up to 10 months. The normal is 2 to 3 months, but you never know and specially with DH and I being a minority here. We do not know if we will be asked to travel to bring the baby home, when they will call us and how much time we will have to go and pick the baby up.
In the last 4 years I always felt that we were doing something to build our family by having to do mountains of tests, paperwork, clases for adoption or fertility treatments, etc. I felt like I was doing something, even if I did not control the outcome.
Now its only waiting.
We have the baby room almost ready. My sister sent us the crib and several gifts, we have bought new curtains, we have repaired the furniture, we have attended 2 baby fairs where we have bought the basics, the wife of DH brother sent me boxes of baby things (most I will need to donate), some friends have loaned me things that you only use for a few months, etc.
Since we do not know the age nor sex I cannot buy too many things now and most people are waiting for the baby to come to give us gifts.
We have told the closest to us and answered all their questions.
I have read and reread the baby and adoption books that we bought.
We have prayed many Novenas for this baby and the biological mother.
Now I feel there is only the wait.
Maybe this is why I need to focus on my health so much. I need a distraction. I need to feel like I am doing something to prepare, not to go crazy.
Out of our group of 12: Four have babies already, 3 have been put on the waiting list and will have to go through counseling or classes (a record) and then 5 of us are still waiting. The wait could mean just a few days more or several months even.
Its killing me.
Today I was given a very important project at work, a global one, but my heart is not here anymore. Also my boss has asked me to think a lot about the possibility of moving to an overseas assignment in Germany.
Yet I find it very hard to concentrate on this. It seems so unimportant right now.
I am a Martha and I am being asked to be Mary right now. To sit and listen to God and be sure that all will be OK without any effort on my part.
That the baby that comes to our family is the one that He intended for us without any effort. To let God be God.
Its so very hard for me.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
The Eastern view, a far more hopeful outlook
Yesterday was my 4th appointment with the amazing accupuncturist.
He gave me such hope of getting my body back to normal that I have again a smile on my face even with Friday´s bad results.
He is a western neurologist that wanted a more natural approach to curing and to access the root causes of disease and who spent 8 years in China studying this.
He is very humble, never mentioning all his degrees, nor that he has a waiting list a mile long, has patients from all social classes and is even the doctor of many celebrities and millionaries. You would never know it by seeing him.
He is about 55, with a belly, very little light brown hair with some white hair, a big, big smile, a descendant of German inmigrants to the USA and a Spanish mother whose parents came to Mexico before he was born.
I felt an instant connection to him since my fathers family is from Germany and also has some Spanish ancestry via my paternal great grandmother also his eyes are very peaceful and it helped a lot he is dead set against IVF. I trust doctors that want to cure rather than just make money or not look at the problem and find what I consider the easy way out.
Today I told him how disappointed I was about my lack of weight loss and my energy even after what I felt were Herculean efforts.
He just smiled and said: "you are just like the thyroid wanting to control everything" and laughed. I also laughed and said: "but I am not shaped like a butterfly! and he laughed very hard and said: "Do not worry, all will be well, your body is responding in amazing ways, just wait and see".
Only with Dr. H and my local gynecologist have I felt so comfortable and in full knowledge they had my very best interests at heart.
He reminded me that a low TSH was actually very good (I thought because it was below the minimun it was bad, but he said no actually very good), he was not worried about almost non existant T4 and he was more interested in how my energies felt and how my cycle was shifting.
He touched my belly and said that with the antibiotics that I was on there was not a lot to do with my digestion which is crucial in TCM, but wait until it got out of my system and that actually my body was responding incredibly well, much more than with most patients.
He said that 0.5 kilos of muscle gain in my arms in 3 weeks actually was very good and quite unexpected in a person with a bad thyroid. That most people could not stop the muscle loss and much less gain.
He said: "Focus on the fact that Dr.H and me have stopped the problem. This is a crucial part of the equation that many times we do not consider, now we will focus on curing it. One step at the time."
He said that my body was reacting very well and what Dr. H had done was wonderful, we just needed to help the body use its own resources rather than only medicines.
That excercise, diet, acupuncture and supplements would do all their work in synergy, but that I needed to give it a little bit more time and not stop the process with my own mind, worrying too much and trying to control everything.
That a cure is subtle most of the time, yet in my case my body was showing signs faster than expected, just not in the way I wanted perhaps.
That an earlier ovulation (4 days earlier than normal with great mucus) was actually a signal that acupuncture had shifted my hormones on a deep cellular level.
I cannot remember ever having such an early ovulation since I begun charting almost 4 years ago so his explanation really made sense. That it was perfect on CD 15 since the egg that is released later sometimes is not the best according to TCM . I normally ovulate CD 19 or 20 and that this happened after 2 sessions meant that my body knew what to do, even if I thought it did not. Now we need to see how the menstrual period shifts.
He mentioned that my verterbrae that was obstructing the blood flow to my uterus had already shifted and the blood flow was perfect now.
He would concentrate now on my thyroid and that if all the other signals were OK that I should not worry too much about my excess fat. That I would begin to lose it in time, but now the focus was in getting my thyroid to do its work.
Also to continue to communicate all that I did not feel comfortable with, this is a root cause of hypothyroid for chinese medicine. People that show a smile to the world or that the are in control, but almost never communicate their true feelings and hide deep pains.
Basically his message was: to trust the bodies intelligence which is far more than we can even imagine. Take one step at the time, stop the problem and slowly reverse the process, in this order. The body will be able to heal itself on a very deep level if we let it and help it out as nature wants.
I feel far more peace now than yesterday. Maybe I am more cut out to Eastern Medicine than Western.
On the adoption front: Out of our group of 12 couples 3 couples are on standby which is a very high percentage, almost record breaking that 25% are asked to wait or prevented from adopting after being in the process so long. Four have their babies already, so we are only 5 couples in the waiting list.
One couple was asked to take a parenting course. They are from very, very humble backgrounds. She is a maid and he is a factory worker with minimal studies. All still it looks very positive and I am very happy since they are an amazing couple and would make the best parents ever.
Another couple which did IVF in the middle of the whole adoption process with so many embryos I still shrudder from thinking about it. Well they did not pass the pscychological tests and its so bad that it might completly prevent them from adopting any time soon. I was very concerned if they got to adopt and I am actually relieved the agency was so strong in their willingness to adress this issue. She was not ready at all from many of her comments and the fact that in a reunion we had she spent a great deal of the time crying about her failed IVF. I was truly concerned about the baby.
The third couple is the one that broke all the agency rules. Most probably the agency will not let them adopt via them. I am saddend since they made a terrible mistake, but they are good people whose good judgement was blinded by their desire for a baby.
Have a happy 4th of July! here in Mexico City is raining so much and its so cold you cannot believe its July! enjoy the sun!
He gave me such hope of getting my body back to normal that I have again a smile on my face even with Friday´s bad results.
He is a western neurologist that wanted a more natural approach to curing and to access the root causes of disease and who spent 8 years in China studying this.
He is very humble, never mentioning all his degrees, nor that he has a waiting list a mile long, has patients from all social classes and is even the doctor of many celebrities and millionaries. You would never know it by seeing him.
He is about 55, with a belly, very little light brown hair with some white hair, a big, big smile, a descendant of German inmigrants to the USA and a Spanish mother whose parents came to Mexico before he was born.
I felt an instant connection to him since my fathers family is from Germany and also has some Spanish ancestry via my paternal great grandmother also his eyes are very peaceful and it helped a lot he is dead set against IVF. I trust doctors that want to cure rather than just make money or not look at the problem and find what I consider the easy way out.
Today I told him how disappointed I was about my lack of weight loss and my energy even after what I felt were Herculean efforts.
He just smiled and said: "you are just like the thyroid wanting to control everything" and laughed. I also laughed and said: "but I am not shaped like a butterfly! and he laughed very hard and said: "Do not worry, all will be well, your body is responding in amazing ways, just wait and see".
Only with Dr. H and my local gynecologist have I felt so comfortable and in full knowledge they had my very best interests at heart.
He reminded me that a low TSH was actually very good (I thought because it was below the minimun it was bad, but he said no actually very good), he was not worried about almost non existant T4 and he was more interested in how my energies felt and how my cycle was shifting.
He touched my belly and said that with the antibiotics that I was on there was not a lot to do with my digestion which is crucial in TCM, but wait until it got out of my system and that actually my body was responding incredibly well, much more than with most patients.
He said that 0.5 kilos of muscle gain in my arms in 3 weeks actually was very good and quite unexpected in a person with a bad thyroid. That most people could not stop the muscle loss and much less gain.
He said: "Focus on the fact that Dr.H and me have stopped the problem. This is a crucial part of the equation that many times we do not consider, now we will focus on curing it. One step at the time."
He said that my body was reacting very well and what Dr. H had done was wonderful, we just needed to help the body use its own resources rather than only medicines.
That excercise, diet, acupuncture and supplements would do all their work in synergy, but that I needed to give it a little bit more time and not stop the process with my own mind, worrying too much and trying to control everything.
That a cure is subtle most of the time, yet in my case my body was showing signs faster than expected, just not in the way I wanted perhaps.
That an earlier ovulation (4 days earlier than normal with great mucus) was actually a signal that acupuncture had shifted my hormones on a deep cellular level.
I cannot remember ever having such an early ovulation since I begun charting almost 4 years ago so his explanation really made sense. That it was perfect on CD 15 since the egg that is released later sometimes is not the best according to TCM . I normally ovulate CD 19 or 20 and that this happened after 2 sessions meant that my body knew what to do, even if I thought it did not. Now we need to see how the menstrual period shifts.
He mentioned that my verterbrae that was obstructing the blood flow to my uterus had already shifted and the blood flow was perfect now.
He would concentrate now on my thyroid and that if all the other signals were OK that I should not worry too much about my excess fat. That I would begin to lose it in time, but now the focus was in getting my thyroid to do its work.
Also to continue to communicate all that I did not feel comfortable with, this is a root cause of hypothyroid for chinese medicine. People that show a smile to the world or that the are in control, but almost never communicate their true feelings and hide deep pains.
Basically his message was: to trust the bodies intelligence which is far more than we can even imagine. Take one step at the time, stop the problem and slowly reverse the process, in this order. The body will be able to heal itself on a very deep level if we let it and help it out as nature wants.
I feel far more peace now than yesterday. Maybe I am more cut out to Eastern Medicine than Western.
On the adoption front: Out of our group of 12 couples 3 couples are on standby which is a very high percentage, almost record breaking that 25% are asked to wait or prevented from adopting after being in the process so long. Four have their babies already, so we are only 5 couples in the waiting list.
One couple was asked to take a parenting course. They are from very, very humble backgrounds. She is a maid and he is a factory worker with minimal studies. All still it looks very positive and I am very happy since they are an amazing couple and would make the best parents ever.
Another couple which did IVF in the middle of the whole adoption process with so many embryos I still shrudder from thinking about it. Well they did not pass the pscychological tests and its so bad that it might completly prevent them from adopting any time soon. I was very concerned if they got to adopt and I am actually relieved the agency was so strong in their willingness to adress this issue. She was not ready at all from many of her comments and the fact that in a reunion we had she spent a great deal of the time crying about her failed IVF. I was truly concerned about the baby.
The third couple is the one that broke all the agency rules. Most probably the agency will not let them adopt via them. I am saddend since they made a terrible mistake, but they are good people whose good judgement was blinded by their desire for a baby.
Have a happy 4th of July! here in Mexico City is raining so much and its so cold you cannot believe its July! enjoy the sun!
Friday, July 1, 2011
Attacking hypothyroidism and age related IF!
Well things did not turn out as I expected in today´s meeting with my functional medicine nutritionist and all signals that I will need to take a very aggresive approach to helping my body heal.
My thyroid, which is crucial to almost every process in the body, is not doing its job at all. And this on T3 medication twice a day specially compounded for me and hydrocortisone also which should help as thyroid and adrenals are related, plus many lifestyle changes in the last months.
I was about to go into a corner and cry upon hearing my results, but I will not let my !"#$ thyroid slack off!!! I want my life back.
We will adopt a newborn soon and he/she deserves the best mother possible, not one that does not have any energy, that is fat and that basically is unhealthy.
He/ she is the best motivation I could possibly have and I won´t lie: The possibility that with all of this my body will be healed also of my IF is also part of my motivation.
Today it hit me in the face how off my body is.
The nutritionist and I a lenghty talk and she gave me tons of options for my IF, excess body fat, inflammation and tiredness. I will put them here in detail in case it helps anybody and answer the questions sent to me
In the last 3 weeks I have been excercising much more than normal (from nothing to Curves 3/4 X per week done really, really well), really focusing on sound nutrition(this for over a month and a half), walking much more, etc and taking my recommended supplements and medicines by Napro and some by the nutritionist, plus acupuncture (only three sessions so far, but the change was very dramatic. My ovulation was 4 days earlier than normal with great mucus. Dr. H had always wanted to see it earlier than day 20 and so acupuncture did it).
This was my 3 week appointment where the nutriritionist expected at the very least 4 or 5 pounds of fat loss and 2 to 3 pounds of muscle gain. This would have been the normal with all that I had been doing and my thyroid medications.
Well the only good news I gained some muscle in my arms (500 grms, like 1 pound)
the bad: none in my legs where I had been focusing the most and where I am the weakest and have a very low muscle ratio
and
I lost......Zero! Nada ! Nothing ! of fat.
Which is crucial to me since fat is not good with bad hormones and puts you in danger of all kinds of things.
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
The results remind me so much of my struggle and many other persons struggle with IF. You do your best, do all your are told and nothing.
This is not how things are supposed to be. Effort should bring results, right?
All has to do with to my thyroid. Its slacking off and these results show how much which is also confirmed by blood analysis.
PPVI answered a couple of days ago after I sent them my latest T4 and TSH results that I need to start T4 (Synt.hroid) due to my very low levels of both even on medication. This explains my fatigue, inflammation, slow metabolism and perhaps even my IF.
I do not know the reason why I have such issues with my Thyroid. I do not have thyroid anti-bodies, nobody in my family has ever had issues with it and I really have tried to eliminate all the hypothyroid culprits from my life.
I was on T4 before and did not notice a thing and was taken off it, but now they have asked me to almost triple my dose to 0.05 miligrams. This in addition to T3 twice a day and the many lifestyle changes that I have made to try to help my poor thyroid out.
I feel like my body at 40 is not responding to something as basic as excercise and good food PLUS medicine (I cannot imagine what menopause will be like!)So let´s get to the game plan and I will report how it all goes in a few weeks. I will be the experiment
THYROID
the focus is to nourish it so I do not depend my whole life on medicines, diminish the inflammation that it causes , the slow metabolism and the bad digestion. All are related to it .
The digestive system is where most of our defense system is so having bad digestion makes you vulnerable to all kinds of things. For example for years anytime I started to excercise I got a cold in the same week. It was a nightmare and both related to thyroid and adrenal fatigue.
I was asked in my previous post what adrenal fatigue is: Its when the adrenal glands located above the kidneys from excess stress or a thyroid condition in some cases produce very low levels of cortisol. Low cortisol makes you prone to tons of things: infections, extreme tiredness (its almost impossible to wake up) brain fog, the need for caffeine and sugar to function, and many other things. Its key for napro to have normal levels of cortisol. For treatment they give you hydrocortisone in levels of about 20 mgs. It is amazing!!!
The supplements are:
Selenium: 100 micrograms since this is crucial for nourishing the thyroid. Makes it more efficient.
Vitamin C: from food, since Mexicans eat everything with lemon and chile she thinks I am covered and also my multi I have enough. Also nourishes it.
L-Carnintine: 1 gram 30 minutes before excercise to help with fat loss.
Seaweed: Yep... its great for the thyroid since it contains natural iodine which is crucial to the thyroid. I need to make a seaweed soup at night.
Q10: for energy and also helps with inflammation. 400 mgs with oil (salad dressing made from olive oil for example, since it helps with absorption)
To fight inflammation and all the digestive issues a bad thyroid brings:
Diet, diet, diet.... focusing on the healthiest food I can find. Lots of veggies, fruits, salmon, no wheat, no milk, limited meat, organic eggs, green tea, the basic antiflammatory diet.
Olive oil with lemon juice and hot water in the morning upon rising. It cleanses the digestive system. I can also alternate with flaxseed oil. Both also have good fats which are naturally antinflammatory.
Chia seeds: An aztec miracle. these tiny seeds from Mexico are the perfect source of omegas.. They are one of the most powerful Omegas in nature. Better than flaxseeds
Flaseeds: two tea spoons at night to ensure a great digestion.
Omega 3: pharmacy grade 3 capsules a day. I take it also for endo.
To support all of this I need to take 2 scoops a day of Ultra.clear sus.tain by meta.genics which is for the management of leaky gut syndrome. Basically its my multivitamin and has many things for inflammation and to help digestion (prebiotics, rice flour, l-glutamine). Only take 2 scoops a day rather than the normal 4 since it has Vitamin A and this is not good in high dosages for a possible baby.
Digestive enzymes at every meal.
Lifestyle:
No flouride in toothpaste, nor in any drinking water. Flouride kills the thyroid and scientists think its one of the main causes of the hypothiroid epidemic among women in the Western world.
Eliminate chloride from my home and drinking water. Also not good for the thyroid.
For JB: I was asked to purchase a reverse osmosis filter for our home drinking water. Water from drinking bottles is also a no no due to the plastic and that you have no way to know what is in there. The filter eliminates both chlorine and fluoride..
There are also filters for the shower since the chlorine gets absorbed by the skin. I am not sure if I will do this last part.
AGE RELATED IF:
She looked at my copy of the IF age related supplements mentioned in the book "fertil.ity, cycles and nutr.ition" (a great nutrition for NFP book) and what Dr. H had given me (B6 and Omega´s) and said they were absolutely perfect and to do them as follows:
Vitamin B6 300 mgs it increases naturally progesterone which is key in older women. During my mucus period I should increase to 500.
Folic Acid: 4,000 mcg: to ensure egg health which declines with age. This can prevent early miscarriage and very importantly birth defects such as Down syndrome in this dosage.
Vitaming B12: 1,000 mcg: for inflammation and to help out B6
Zinc: (citrate or piconilate since its more bioavailable) 25-50 mg for egg quality, This is absolutely crucial and she mentioned if I do not do anything else to do this. DH should also do it in addition to pro.xeed
Flax oil 5-10grms OR Fish oil 1 teaspoon (both covered by my thyroid regimen)
Probiotics.
Vitamin C: 1,000 to 1,500 mgs (covered by thyroid regime and multi, but at a lower dosage since it can affect mucus)
Vitamin E: 400 to 800 IU in this case she told me it was too much and not take it in addition to everything. That it was enough in the multi.
She gave me a supplement called meth.yl prot.ect which basically covers in one pill the folic acid, B12 and B2 which is also good since I do not want to take so many pills already.
I need to start tomorrow with everything. I am now trying to organize myself for this fight for my health.
In terms of excercise: resistance or weights 3 times a week, 4 at the most since you need to rest one day between each day so muscle can build.(cu.rves is perfect for this) and in addition on the days that I do not do this I need to exercise at least 30 minutes cardio. I will do Ni.a which I love and I can do at home.
Tomorrow I will discuss with the acupuncturist what TCM says about thyroid issues and what I can do.
Even fat and tired I will fight this.
My thyroid, which is crucial to almost every process in the body, is not doing its job at all. And this on T3 medication twice a day specially compounded for me and hydrocortisone also which should help as thyroid and adrenals are related, plus many lifestyle changes in the last months.
I was about to go into a corner and cry upon hearing my results, but I will not let my !"#$ thyroid slack off!!! I want my life back.
We will adopt a newborn soon and he/she deserves the best mother possible, not one that does not have any energy, that is fat and that basically is unhealthy.
He/ she is the best motivation I could possibly have and I won´t lie: The possibility that with all of this my body will be healed also of my IF is also part of my motivation.
Today it hit me in the face how off my body is.
The nutritionist and I a lenghty talk and she gave me tons of options for my IF, excess body fat, inflammation and tiredness. I will put them here in detail in case it helps anybody and answer the questions sent to me
In the last 3 weeks I have been excercising much more than normal (from nothing to Curves 3/4 X per week done really, really well), really focusing on sound nutrition(this for over a month and a half), walking much more, etc and taking my recommended supplements and medicines by Napro and some by the nutritionist, plus acupuncture (only three sessions so far, but the change was very dramatic. My ovulation was 4 days earlier than normal with great mucus. Dr. H had always wanted to see it earlier than day 20 and so acupuncture did it).
This was my 3 week appointment where the nutriritionist expected at the very least 4 or 5 pounds of fat loss and 2 to 3 pounds of muscle gain. This would have been the normal with all that I had been doing and my thyroid medications.
Well the only good news I gained some muscle in my arms (500 grms, like 1 pound)
the bad: none in my legs where I had been focusing the most and where I am the weakest and have a very low muscle ratio
and
I lost......Zero! Nada ! Nothing ! of fat.
Which is crucial to me since fat is not good with bad hormones and puts you in danger of all kinds of things.
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
The results remind me so much of my struggle and many other persons struggle with IF. You do your best, do all your are told and nothing.
This is not how things are supposed to be. Effort should bring results, right?
All has to do with to my thyroid. Its slacking off and these results show how much which is also confirmed by blood analysis.
PPVI answered a couple of days ago after I sent them my latest T4 and TSH results that I need to start T4 (Synt.hroid) due to my very low levels of both even on medication. This explains my fatigue, inflammation, slow metabolism and perhaps even my IF.
I do not know the reason why I have such issues with my Thyroid. I do not have thyroid anti-bodies, nobody in my family has ever had issues with it and I really have tried to eliminate all the hypothyroid culprits from my life.
I was on T4 before and did not notice a thing and was taken off it, but now they have asked me to almost triple my dose to 0.05 miligrams. This in addition to T3 twice a day and the many lifestyle changes that I have made to try to help my poor thyroid out.
I feel like my body at 40 is not responding to something as basic as excercise and good food PLUS medicine (I cannot imagine what menopause will be like!)So let´s get to the game plan and I will report how it all goes in a few weeks. I will be the experiment
THYROID
the focus is to nourish it so I do not depend my whole life on medicines, diminish the inflammation that it causes , the slow metabolism and the bad digestion. All are related to it .
The digestive system is where most of our defense system is so having bad digestion makes you vulnerable to all kinds of things. For example for years anytime I started to excercise I got a cold in the same week. It was a nightmare and both related to thyroid and adrenal fatigue.
I was asked in my previous post what adrenal fatigue is: Its when the adrenal glands located above the kidneys from excess stress or a thyroid condition in some cases produce very low levels of cortisol. Low cortisol makes you prone to tons of things: infections, extreme tiredness (its almost impossible to wake up) brain fog, the need for caffeine and sugar to function, and many other things. Its key for napro to have normal levels of cortisol. For treatment they give you hydrocortisone in levels of about 20 mgs. It is amazing!!!
The supplements are:
Selenium: 100 micrograms since this is crucial for nourishing the thyroid. Makes it more efficient.
Vitamin C: from food, since Mexicans eat everything with lemon and chile she thinks I am covered and also my multi I have enough. Also nourishes it.
L-Carnintine: 1 gram 30 minutes before excercise to help with fat loss.
Seaweed: Yep... its great for the thyroid since it contains natural iodine which is crucial to the thyroid. I need to make a seaweed soup at night.
Q10: for energy and also helps with inflammation. 400 mgs with oil (salad dressing made from olive oil for example, since it helps with absorption)
To fight inflammation and all the digestive issues a bad thyroid brings:
Diet, diet, diet.... focusing on the healthiest food I can find. Lots of veggies, fruits, salmon, no wheat, no milk, limited meat, organic eggs, green tea, the basic antiflammatory diet.
Olive oil with lemon juice and hot water in the morning upon rising. It cleanses the digestive system. I can also alternate with flaxseed oil. Both also have good fats which are naturally antinflammatory.
Chia seeds: An aztec miracle. these tiny seeds from Mexico are the perfect source of omegas.. They are one of the most powerful Omegas in nature. Better than flaxseeds
Flaseeds: two tea spoons at night to ensure a great digestion.
Omega 3: pharmacy grade 3 capsules a day. I take it also for endo.
To support all of this I need to take 2 scoops a day of Ultra.clear sus.tain by meta.genics which is for the management of leaky gut syndrome. Basically its my multivitamin and has many things for inflammation and to help digestion (prebiotics, rice flour, l-glutamine). Only take 2 scoops a day rather than the normal 4 since it has Vitamin A and this is not good in high dosages for a possible baby.
Digestive enzymes at every meal.
Lifestyle:
No flouride in toothpaste, nor in any drinking water. Flouride kills the thyroid and scientists think its one of the main causes of the hypothiroid epidemic among women in the Western world.
Eliminate chloride from my home and drinking water. Also not good for the thyroid.
For JB: I was asked to purchase a reverse osmosis filter for our home drinking water. Water from drinking bottles is also a no no due to the plastic and that you have no way to know what is in there. The filter eliminates both chlorine and fluoride..
There are also filters for the shower since the chlorine gets absorbed by the skin. I am not sure if I will do this last part.
AGE RELATED IF:
She looked at my copy of the IF age related supplements mentioned in the book "fertil.ity, cycles and nutr.ition" (a great nutrition for NFP book) and what Dr. H had given me (B6 and Omega´s) and said they were absolutely perfect and to do them as follows:
Vitamin B6 300 mgs it increases naturally progesterone which is key in older women. During my mucus period I should increase to 500.
Folic Acid: 4,000 mcg: to ensure egg health which declines with age. This can prevent early miscarriage and very importantly birth defects such as Down syndrome in this dosage.
Vitaming B12: 1,000 mcg: for inflammation and to help out B6
Zinc: (citrate or piconilate since its more bioavailable) 25-50 mg for egg quality, This is absolutely crucial and she mentioned if I do not do anything else to do this. DH should also do it in addition to pro.xeed
Flax oil 5-10grms OR Fish oil 1 teaspoon (both covered by my thyroid regimen)
Probiotics.
Vitamin C: 1,000 to 1,500 mgs (covered by thyroid regime and multi, but at a lower dosage since it can affect mucus)
Vitamin E: 400 to 800 IU in this case she told me it was too much and not take it in addition to everything. That it was enough in the multi.
She gave me a supplement called meth.yl prot.ect which basically covers in one pill the folic acid, B12 and B2 which is also good since I do not want to take so many pills already.
I need to start tomorrow with everything. I am now trying to organize myself for this fight for my health.
In terms of excercise: resistance or weights 3 times a week, 4 at the most since you need to rest one day between each day so muscle can build.(cu.rves is perfect for this) and in addition on the days that I do not do this I need to exercise at least 30 minutes cardio. I will do Ni.a which I love and I can do at home.
Tomorrow I will discuss with the acupuncturist what TCM says about thyroid issues and what I can do.
Even fat and tired I will fight this.
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