Thursday, July 14, 2011

Adoption / baby questions

Let me strart this blog by saying I have been reading and trying to comment on most blogs for weeks now and it has been horrible. I have not been able most of the time and I have daily issues with blogger as well as with updating my blog, if anybody has any advice on this also please let me know. !

Somehow adoptions via our agency have stopped in the last 2 weeks (maybe due to vacations), but we are sure they will restart soon full force.

We are now expecting parents with an unknown due date. As I have mentioned here we can be matched any day now and we will probably only know one day in advance. It can also take up to 6 months or more. Its nerve racking, but I am reaching a place of peace now.

During these last weeks several questions have come to mind constantly and I wanted to reach out to the blogosphere which has been so very helpful during my IF/ Napro/ alternative medicine journey.

My questions are on the following subjects:
Breastfeeding/ bottle feeding
Key products for the baby
How to inform everybody and who should attend when they give us the baby

Most probably I will not be able to do it. The reasons are: we do not know how old the baby will be, most probably older than 3 months so he/she will already been bottle fed all this time and will not be able to switch to my milk and also due to my hormonal issues. My local doctor is not very open to this due to all my medicines I normally take and has told me that it has taken me so long to be well hormonally that he would strongly advice against pumping myself with other hormones and getting off several of my normal ones. I have written to PPVI to ask them what they think, but my gut it telling me they will be of the same opinion.

This part is perhaps the hardest for me. My family is completly pro breastfeeding. My mom and sister always breastfed until it was no longer possible and I was raised with the belief that this was the very best way to give the baby have a good head start in life . In the last months I have also grown also far more health concious and giving soy or cows milk via the commercial formulas really worries me. The other thing is that I have always been a big believer in the communication between the baby and mother that happens via breast feeding.


Any commercial formulas that are better than others?

Can I make my own milk and make it much healthier?

how can I establish the best link possible with the baby if I do not breastfeed?

Has anybody used one of those devices you attach to the breast to supplement when using only formula?


We have the baby room almost ready. A crib, the bedding, several clothes, bottles, a baby monitor, many stuffed animals (without even realizing it I had been collecting some for our future baby), a guardian angel medal for the crib (its a tradition here to put a medal of a guardian angel or the Virgin on top of the crib with a bow to ask for protection for the baby) and also my sister and SIL have sent several packages of clothes. I also brought a type of baby wrap like the moby.

What have been the baby products that have been key for you? what couldn´t you live without?


Which books would you recommend on adoption once the baby arrives or normal baby books?

These are the ones that I have already :
Before we decided to adopt I read the following books to better prepare (in addition to several Spanish ones):

Adopted for life by Russel Moore. A Christian book on adoption.
Keys to parenting and adopted child Kathy Lancaster
Adoption choosing it, living it, loving it by Dr. Ray Gaurendi My favourite one in English

General baby books:

Baby´s first year by Sandy and Marcie Jones I really like it

What to expect the first year from the same authors as What to expect when you are expecting.

any others that saved your life during the first months?


All the people close to us know full well that we are adopting, but we have decided to keep from the rest of the world this as private or on as needed to know basis. By the rest of the world I mean far away or long lost friends, some extended family and most of Face book. Why? because it was getting too stressful that everytbody has kept asking when the baby was coming and since we do not know when it was making us very nervous .

Daily questions that we did not know how to answer. Also some extended family members have some strong opinions about adoption and we did not want them to be saying anything to upset us during this time. They are not close to us and we are sure they will come around when the baby arrives or we will keep apart from them, still we did not want at this time to hear their opinions.

We will have a closed adoption (like most of the countries adscribed to the international adoption protocols Mexico favours closed adoption). This means that we will only get a call once the baby´s legal status is completly cleared and we will be asked to come to pick the baby up in our agency. The agency chooses the best family for the baby on several basis, but one key ingredient is prayer. That very same day the baby is fully ours. We still will have to do some legal proceedings, but the baby will be 100% ours and this is the reason why the babies do not come to the families as newborns, but some weeks or months later when the birth mother has been given the chance to really think things over and has signed twice in front of a judge.

The agency has a beautiful room prepared where the baby is placed and the parents come in to meet the baby, Afterwards there is normally a Mass said in the chapel of the agency to give thanks and to bless the new family. Everybody I know that has been there tell me its absolutely beautiful.

In this special room the baby is dressed in very special clothes, placed in a beautiful crib, under a painting of our Lady of Guadalupe.

My parents, sister and SIL are fully supportive of our adoption and ecstatic, my FIL and my brother are supportive, but afraid, my BIL is supportive and very happy for us, but his wife will be a problem since she has kept saying stupid things all this time (sorry but there is no other word for her words. I have not even blogged about it since I do not want to make any adoptive parents upset) Nieces and nephews are ecstatic .

So this is the situation right now of our family.

I really do not know what will be best and wanted opinions/ experiences which could help us decide:

To invite all to come to the special room so we can all receive the baby as a family and then have mass.

Come in first DH and I and have a few moments with the baby alone and then they come in and then mass?

Ask them only to join us for the mass afterwards and leave the room as a private place for us ( a friend of mine called this room her delivery room and wanted this for it to be as private as possible for an hour)?

Join us only at home?

We want this to be a joyful occasion and would love to include our families which are very close to us, yet know all are at different stages and I want to set the rules right now so we do not end up with issues beforehand. How did you do it? in case it was open adoption when did your families join you?

and last how did you inform the world? via facebook? an email? personally?

Thanks for any advice you could give me. =)


  1. I supplement formula at the breast with K (biological baby). If you are considering it, I would start with a homemade version (check it out on google or youtube) to make sure the baby will take it before you invest $50-60 in a manufactured SNS system (although they work well from what I've hear). I'm not sure how you feel about donated breastmilk, but you could see if that would be an option.

    I'd definitely either have your families join you just for the Mass or at home. I wouldn't want to overwhelm yourselves or the baby by having too many people when you first meet him or her.

    Baby items depends on age, so I'd hold off on getting much more until the baby comes.

  2. First of all I want to say I love reading about your journey to build your family and your faith and kindness of spirit inspire me. I have been reading awhile and mow I can finally comment.

    My opinion is to be alone with your husband and your baby in the special room. If they share your faith strongly, invite them to celebrate mass with you. Everything at your agency sounds special and faithful. I love that Our Lady of Guadalupe with be a part of your first moments as a growing family. She is a great source of comfort to our family. Praying for you all as you prepare and wait.

  3. I don't have any advice, unfortunately, but I'm confident others will! But I can say that this post is super-exciting. I know you are still waiting, but the questions you asked are great and just goes to show that this can happen at anytime and you will be soo ready! I am soo excited for you!

  4. It’s upsetting to read that some family friends/members would have a problem with the adoption or say stupid things. Like you said best for you guys to be a little guarded so that nothing can ruin this happy occasion. I have no experience so I can't give any advice.
    I am so happy for you, praying your baby comes home soon.

  5. Baby 411 and Toddler 411 are excellent books. They are co-authored by a pediatrician (Dr. Ari Brown) and have wonderful, practical advice. I've used them extensively with both my children and given them to friends.

  6. Lauren at Magnify the Lord had a great post on making homemade formula and when I saw that I thought it seemed like a very doable option for adoptive moms or moms of children who couldn't nurse.
    Check it out:
    The one hour by yourself with the baby before the Mass sounds like a good balance. Exciting decisions!

  7. My family/friends all breastfeed so I understand! But you CAN make your own formula (which is much healthier) and use an SNS (supplemental nursing system) to still nurse if you want. You needn't take hormones etc, the nursing would be for bonding only of course or you may make milk from the contact and sucking....always possible!

    Check homemade formula recipes here:

    If you have any questions, I've been making for Alana for a long time now.

    I would personally say to have that first meeting/time with the baby alone with your husband you and the baby. If you want family around for the Mass I think that would be nice but those first moments meeting your baby are heady indeed. Make sure you have the peace to relish that first meeting.

    La Leche League has lots of information about adoption and breast feeding, hormone treatment is not required, as barbie says.

    What exciting days lie ahead for you. I agree, keep the first meeting, in the special room for just the three of you. The Mass would be a wonderful way to include the whole family after.

    I am so happy for you, God Bless xxx

  9. In case the other link did not work. I went to the La leche league international and searched adoption

  10. I have no real advice, other than just for you and your husband to be alone in the special room before Mass. That will be so special and meant only for the two of you. If anyone wants to celebrate with you at Mass, then they can see the baby there.
    I am so excited for you! You will be a great mama - and each time I click on your blog, I hope that its you announcing your good news. :)