A couple of days ago I wrote about how my heart was broken from seeing a very loved and close family member suffer from IF. 5 years of waiting, tons of insensitive comments from family and friends and such limited resources here.
All my hate for this horrible disease came back with a force I could not even believe.
Today I decided to write him a letter about my personal experience with Napro. I opened completly to him about my pain and my experience with it and what I really thought they should do from all that I had learned over the years of living with it.
I really did it from the heart and for the first time I opened my heart to my family about my journey.
A couple of friends know the details of my journey as well as some clients where I thought it would be of help, but that is the extent of people I have told in real life (this is why I consider the blogging community and the yahoo group such great resources and during a long time my only lifeline)
I basically told him that I thought they should pursue Napro any way they could and that I would do whatever I could for them.
I thought to myself as was writing this even if I do not have a child here on earth, I will never regret all that I did.
I never compromised my morals, I have a diagnosis, my marriage is much stronger, I have been able to help others through my own pain and several children have been born from this. As much as I love working in marketing its not even 1 % as satisfactory as this work.
Yet my humanity gets in the way.
You see, I have grown discouraged in seeing so many have success with it and me being one of the few where it seems to have not worked.
I have grown tired from telling people about this amazing system, when I do not have a child here on earth.
I know that this is in a sense incorrect, but..... this is how I feel sometimes. Maybe a temptation and the bad guy playing with me, but I cannot deny it.
I get discouraged when people tell me to my face: , how can you talk such things about when you have no living children? its extremely painful.
The last weeks have been like this. comments and questions from well meaning people telling me directly that I am making a mistake believing in this.
This was my mood when I received a call today from this family member. .
I never expected what would happen next.
He just called telling me he and his wife had talked and wanted me to teach them , this coming from perhaps the most private man I know. Its almost a miracle. He said he trusted me and wanted me to help them.
I almost cried. Its such an honor for such a great man to open his heart to me. I could help my own family.
I went to Omaha to find answers for me without really thinking about anything else. I did not know why I wanted to become a practitioner, I had never ever met one in real life, I had never had the intro session nor had charted correctly, yet somehow God put this desire in my heart.
And due to the encouragement of many wonderful people I went and became a practitioner.
One of those people was TCIE and I also have been inspired over the years in communicating this to others by people such as Polkadot (your blog has such amazing info!!!)..
I never imagined I would be in a position to help several friends, or be witness to several children being born to couples that had faced IF for years and now today being in a position to help a person from my own family whom I love very, very much..
Had it now been for my own IF I would not be in a position to help others.
I really needed to be reminded of this. Specially in the last weeks where I have grown so tired.
Sometimes the cross of IF has such unexpected gifts.
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