Thursday, April 26, 2012

Confession on 5th avenue

The last days have been of spiritual battle.  Hard, hard.

But yesterday I had such an amazing gift from God through confession.  In the most unexpected of places.  A very famous avenue here in Mexico city, similar to 5th Avenue NY.

Right smack on the street the ultimate gift of one of His sacraments which I sorely needed.  

Its very normal  one  you begin again working for something related to Life and also when you are about to consecrate yourself to Mary and a project to Her to face hard spiritual battles.

 We were going to do the  consecration of the Spanish  IF support  on Saturday, my 5th wedding anniversary, St., Louis Montfort  and St Gianna´s feast day.  

I had been told these attacks  would happen  by dr. H, by my bishop, by my spiritual director,  Christopher, etc time and time again.  All had told me this.

The D.  does not like when people work on anything related to creating a culture of Life and what better way to discourage than set doubts in the heart and more so with a coming consecration to Our Lady.  

I cannot blog about the details of everything, but a person  near the  movement here said something deeply hurtful, a outright lie about me, that really hurt. And I had helped this person a lot.   It was a stab on the back from the person I least thought would do it.

 Then on top of this other things happened that also were  creating division,  disagreements, depression  and discouragement.

All starting with D., and coming from the bad guy.  

This on top of problems at home with some childcare logistics (I will have to fire a person that helps me with cleaning at home and this totally can affect Josemaria´s childcare, a  major,  major issue for me), problems at work, etc.   Many restless nights.

I had been talking with B my friend and the one person here that has been working with me side to side  trying to let people know about Napro.

She kept telling me to go to confession ASAP. My agenda  has been horrible the last days and getting to church almost impossible.     My Martha side like always winning.

Yesterday, after a horrible night full of internal fights, I got up very early with the sole purpose of getting myself to Mass and confession.  Also to offer this for Dr. H.

 I get on my car and face the most horrible traffic ever.   Completely unexpected for the hour.

Then I get lost on the way to Mass.  Lost.    When I had driven that route millon of times.

I could  not believe it.

Then I find myself driving on a very famous avenue in Mexico city, very near my office, in a high end  residential area.   I remember there is a church there where I had gone to daily mass for a very long time many years ago.   I arrive and find a parking spot right up front.    

I had completely forgotten about this church, yet I find myself right in front of it.

They have 8  a.m Mass and it was 8:10 a.m when I enter the church.  The priest must have flown through the mass since he was  near the consecration.  I prayed an act of contrition and decided to have Communion. Later I stayed to pray and read the lectures.  

I did not expect  there was going to be 8:30 Mass and right when I was about to get up, the priest in his red vestments arrives.   I look at the confession booth and see nobody and decided to stay for mass again since I had missed the other one.

It was such a gift.   But it did not end there.

The 1st lecture spoke directly directly to my heart.      The devil on the prowl.  Stad up to him, strong in faith.

Bow down, then, before the power of God now, so that he may raise you up in due time;7 unload all your burden on to him, since he is concerned about you.8 Keep sober and alert, because your enemy the devil is on the prowl like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.9 Stand up to him, strong in faith and in the knowledge that it is the same kind of suffering that the community of your brothers throughout the world is undergoing.10 You will have to suffer only for a little while: the God of all grace who called you to eternal glory in Christ willrestore you, he will confirm, strengthen and support you.11 His power lasts for ever and ever. Amen

then the homily.  A homily that spoke exactly of what I was going through, of forgiving those that hurt you, about  attacks and about community    A  very long homily unusually so for weekly mass.

Then I get out of the church and see and elderly man outside.  The people from Mass had not yet left and for some reason I ask him  if he is the priest that just gave mass at 8 a.m  (he looked vaguely familiar, but I was not sure with his normal street clothes) .  He says yes and I ask him when there will be confessions and he says between masses.  I tell him I did not see the priest and he says that he did not approach the confession booth since there was nobody there.  I had no idea I had to do this,.

Then he offers to give me confession right then on the street.

Mind you this street is like 5th avenue NY. 

Tons of cars, very expensive properties, not quite the place where you would think confession would take place.

I start speaking and find myself crying, crying  like the world was about to end.   As cars pass by and people stare.

In sobs I tell him of my fears, of my mistakes, of the attacks  and also that the bishop (who belongs to his community) had told me all of those working for this  would face it and that of course I hated it.

He listens to me as cars pass.   With such a compassion. Truly like Christ.

And tells me this must be very, very good since all sounds like attacks from the Bad Guy.   IVF and all related to this are part of his work and he does not like for people to have options.   To  hear the Truth..

But also that he knows the bishop well and that  if he supports this then it must be something amazing  and of course the bad guy must be very unhappy.  

Then right then on the street this elderly priest hugs me and tells me not to worry.  Such an amazing gift.

Then he tells me some practical advice.

Call immediately a contemplative convent. We need the army. This is the most important.
Then meet with your spiritual advisor.
Then get yourself to church every day.
And read JPII apostolic letter Salvifici Doloris : on the salvific meaning of suffering.

I leave with such peace. On the way to my office I call the convent and a nun that has been my friend for years answers.  I tell her we need help.

She tells me Mass at 9:45 will be offered for this by the same priest that married me.   That has been supporting this project for the last 3 years.
The convent will start praying intensely for this.
She will adopt me spiritually.

I cry again, but these are tears of joy.  Of peace.

God certainly does not leave us alone, even when it looks like it.  He is always by our side. Even in the most unexpected of places.


  1. Everything about your journey amazes me, we are praying too!

  2. Goodness, it definitely sounds like a battle is raging all around you! Gives me chills! What a blessing you were able to go to confession and Mass after all. Hold on to that peace and know that God is right with you always! Praying for you and your mission!

  3. Amazing, just amazing...I am speechless.

  4. I have goosebumps!!!! What a God-filled day!!

  5. Rezando. Praying for you. The battle belongs to the Lord!

  6. This is so amazing! Your path is leading you in such fantastic directions. I am praying for you as you strive to fulfill your amazing purpose.

  7. I am glad that the priest was able to give confession and encouragement. I'm sorry that person hurt you. I have gotten lost driving to familiar places. Perhaps you just had a lot on your mind and little sleep, but it all worked out in the end. Wishing you peace.

  8. When God is in charge of our looks like yours!

    Can't wait to see the His full Providence Unfold.

    My oh, my!

  9. WOW! How amazing the priest's direction towards you at the end ... and for all the community of nuns praying for you and for NaPro in Latin America! That will ward the devil off for sure!!!
    I've been praying the St. Gianna novena for you and will continue to keep you in my prayers!

  10. Oh, my goodness girl!... Yes. The evil one attacks, but I am always amazed at the grace of Almighty God. You ending up at that church (just ahead of an 8:30am Mass!), recognizing that priest in plain clothes and going to Confession... Even the counsel of the priest... God is with you, my dear! Things will get worse before they get better, but you will NEVER be alone!! SO glad that you now have the prayer support of the sisters and a spiritual mother as well. You will be in my prayers. Keep the faith and stay strong in Him!! (Hugs)