Saturday, December 18, 2010

"Look vertically, not horizontally"

About a week and a half ago I wrote about the advice that a monk, my spiritual director, had given me when I told him I was having a hard time with faith and all that we had been living in the last years.

He did not mention a retreat or more prayer, but instead that I should go on a romantic trip with my DH to really rest and focus on us. An advice that surprised me, but at the same time was very wise.

Without knowing all that would happen this week he also told me that it was OK to be mad at God about all that had been going on in our lives. I think he would agree I have now even more reasons to be mad on a very human level.

Another health crisis, another miscarriage, more money spent when it was already tight, no possibility of becoming a mother in sight, the possibility of me graduating as a practioner farther away, etc.

I had told him that I was feeling that all what had happened in the last 3 years was unfair. We were good people, we were trying our hardest to do what God wanted and we both were commited to bringing Napro to Mexico and the more we tried to promote this the worse and worse it went for us and the father away the possibility of a family for us was.

It seemed to me that the Devil was working overtime to make us give up and that God was doing nothing to help us. Several people had even told me this and even some had warned us about all of this when we started. They said that things would start to happen that we would not understand, but to keep ahead.

We discussed what Sta Teresa de Avila had said to God when things got rough, something like this: "No wonder you have so few friends, since this is how you treat them".

Then he told me all of this was normal and that of course the bad guy did not want for Napro to come here and that all that was happening to us and to the other practitioners was a clear sign that we were on the right path. Wow... it is kind of scary.

Then he told me: Its OK to be mad, even be mad with God and Christ. Its human and They know it. Then he said:

>"But when you are mad do not look horizontally. Do not look at your neighbors that did IVF and have lovely children, at those that do not do work for Life and have tons of money, to those that have children as they want with no issues, to those that have what you do not have."

"Please. Look vertically, look at the Cross and tell Him what you feel and how all of it is unfair. Tell Him, He will understand. And then tell me if you can be mad for long"



And its true. In all of this I am mad and sad and I cannot deny it, but then I look up at the Cross, look vertically at Him being cruxified I cannot stay mad long. Such wise words.

7 comments:

  1. Wow. I have no words for how amazing you are. :)

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  2. Ditto Hebrews. You are a Mexican Saint.

    The image that came to my mind when I read this post was of the movie "The Miracle of Marcelino." Did you ever see that movie? I just kept picturing you as the little boy, offering your bread to the hungry Christ on the cross... you are such a beautiful soul.

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  3. Oh I love this. I will think of it from now on...I don't remember if it was your blog, someone elses, or a book I'm reading (I'm reading a couple at once haha) but I saw something that said "when we a suffering we have something in common with Christ" and now I think about that all the time! I actually have something in COMMON with HIM?! :) These things have helped so much, thank you for sharing. You're a beautiful person and I'm blessed to know you.

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  4. ohm an i needed to hear this today. serious case of horizontal looking at the moment. but we're about to go to polanco to get out of this apartment and out of this funk!

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  5. What a beautiful reflection/advice. Thanks for sharing it. I was so sorry to hear of your loss. Praying for you.

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